


Snow

by Caramelquokka0325



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Baseball, Brotherhood, Caring, Created Family, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gentleness, Heartwarming, How Do I Tag, It's in Remission, It's perpetually winter oops, Look at my generic tags, Mentions of Cancer, Multi, Personal Growth, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm, Separations, Slice of Life, Working through feelings, separated brothers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:00:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 38,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27458374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caramelquokka0325/pseuds/Caramelquokka0325
Summary: Minho was like a broken glass. Pieces shattered into razor sharp little bits. He carefully swept up the pieces and kept them hidden safe deep down in his heart. No one was allowed to touch the broken pieces. Until Jisung came along and picked them up piece by piece until they were no longer cutting Minho from the inside. His fingertips bled a little but he didn’t mind.“I don’t want this.” Minho choked out, his vision blurring.His hands lightly gripped Jisung’s arms to push him away, but he didn’t.“I want this.” Jisung murmured, pulling him a little closer.Minho let out a breath and tilted his head towards the sky, trying to blink away his tears.“Don’t hurt yourself over me.” Jisung said softly. “You don’t have to.”The summary is terrible but it’s essentially about how opposites attract! Enjoy!
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Hwang Hyunjin/Seo Changbin, Kim Seungmin/Yang Jeongin | I.N
Comments: 55
Kudos: 111





	1. Hyunjin

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! Back with ANOTHER Stray Kids story! This one is a bit longer than my previous ones and is so much better thought out and more well-written in my opinion. 
> 
> Major warning I guess because this story has a lot of discussions, scenes, descriptions of cancer and it may be triggering. There are also some moments of character struggling through other issues but I will put those in the tags! 
> 
> The entire basis of this story is just to give you all a slice of life with probably way too much drama hehe! Hopefully it’s fun to read! I loved kinda showing how opposites attract and make each other better!

Hyunjin grew up like any other kid did. He had his hobbies, his dreams, and his aspirations. He had a mom and a dad who loved him and a younger brother who he loved even though he sometimes got on his nerves.

He was the oldest so things were about him most of the time. He was the one doing everything first. Jisung didn’t mind tagging along with whatever he did. It was Hyunjin’s world.

Until it wasn’t.

It felt like a split second that it was Jisung’s world instead. Hyunjin didn’t know how to adjust at first.

Suddenly his sports games were replaced by Jisung’s doctor appointments. His school events were pushed to the side in favor of chemotherapy recovery days. Everything Hyunjin did came in second to Jisung’s needs.

Hyunjin could have been bitter. He could have been angry at the way the family dynamics changed. But he chose not to be that way.

He chose to hold Jisung’s hand when he had his blood pressure taken. He sat for hours in the hospital waiting room even if it took away from his other activities. He made dinner when his mom was too exhausted to make the effort.

Jisung having cancer changed him immensely. He gave up his perfectly normal, happy life to make sure Jisung had a shot at one.

It wasn’t easy. There was so much suffering in the first year. For all of them.

Hyunjin watched Jisung shave his head a few days before Christmas. He didn’t have a birthday party since Jisung was in the hospital for an extended period over his birthday. He missed a graduation ceremony because his dad had a breakdown.

Hyunjin shouldered more burden then he ever wanted to.

When the doctors told Jisung he was in remission, Hyunjin sobbed. He was happy for Jisung but he was also desperate for a return to life without cancer.

Unfortunately, that never came. It’s shadow still hung over their heads.

While some things returned to normal, many things didn’t. They continued to eat different foods. Hospital visits were still regular as Jisung was closely monitored. Finances were tight as medical bills had to be paid off.

Hyunjin had to accept that things may be different or changed for a long time. The best he could do was accept it and keep moving forward.

There were many habits he couldn’t shake. One was watching over Jisung.

“Did you eat breakfast?” he asked as Jisung slid into the passenger seat of his car.

“Yep.” Jisung nodded and set his backpack at his feet.

“Did you take your medicine?” Hyunjin started the car. He was the chauffer for Jisung to their high school.

“I always take my medicine.” Jisung buckled his seatbelt.

Hyunjin gave him a look.

“I did!” Jisung rolled his eyes. “As if mom would let me forget.”

“You’re very forgetful.” Hyunjin murmured under his breath.

“Already being mean to me so early in the morning.” Jisung crossed his arms.

“Sorry for caring!” Hyunjin shot back.

As much as he loved Jisung, they were still brothers. Which meant little arguments were a daily occurrence. Hyunjin thanked the heavens over and over that he was able to have petty fights with Jisung. He knew he was so lucky to have Jisung sitting next to him in the car.

“Your turn for music rights.” Hyunjin tapped the stereo.

Just like that, they were back to normal. Jisung hummed along to the radio and tapped his fingers on his thighs.

“Meet up with me at lunch.” Hyunjin said once they were at school. It didn’t need to be said but Jisung nodded anyways.

Hyunjin was a senior and Jisung was a year younger. Hyunjin thought it was the perfect age difference. They were in a similar life stage but they had enough separation for Hyunjin to feel like an older brother.

“Finally you’re here!”

Hyunjin was attacked from behind as Jisung ran off.

“Don’t scare me like that, Chan!” Hyunjin pushed the other boy away and straightened his blazer.

“I need help with a math problem.” Chan cut straight to the chase.

“Let me guess, it’s due in less than twenty minutes.” Hyunjin deadpanned.

“I meant to send it to you last night but I was so tired I fell asleep!” Chan gave Hyunjin his best puppy dog eyes and even clasped his hands together.

“Give it.” Hyunjin held out his hand.

“Thank you, thank you!” Chan pumped his fist.

Hyunjin was a tutor which meant Chan saw him as his own personal study assistant at times. Hyunjin really didn’t mind though. Chan was his best friend. It wasn’t a burden.

“We have our first game tonight.” Chan said as they walked onto campus. “We are splitting our team and playing against each other since the season hasn’t officially started… but it’s for the kickoff!”

“Mm hm…” Hyunjin usually didn’t pay much attention when Chan started rambling about baseball.

The baseball team at their school was practically worshipped. Everyone was always buzzing about the team. Chan especially. He was pitcher so there was much gossip about him.

As they moved through the halls, the students shifted out of the way for Chan. Hyunjin followed in his shadow, hoping that their attention would be diverted to Chan.

“It would be really awesome if you were there!” Chan nudged him playfully.

“I have tutoring later today.” Hyunjin replied, looking at his schedule.

He was a tutor for the school. It paid decently and it wasn’t hard.

“Not late in the evening!” Chan kept poking him annoyingly.

“Yikes, I’m super busy…” Hyunjin gave him a sarcastic sad grimace.

Chan groaned but gave up. Baseball was just not Hyunjin’s thing.

“You’ll be late to class.” Hyunjin reminded Chan. “You better get going.”

“Right.” Chan tapped his watch. “Thanks again! I’ll see you at lunch!”

“See ya.” Hyunjin lifted his hand as he jogged off.

Hyunjin didn’t tend to get involved in the extracurricular activities the school offered. He only invested in his strict studies. Other than tutoring, he flew under the radar.

Speaking of tutoring, he had to tutor one of his least favorite students that day. He wasn’t a bad person but it seemed especially hard to teach him. He got distracted incredibly easily and tried to breeze through tutoring without studying much.

Hyunjin got a little bothered that he was late. He checked his watch for the fifth time and considered just calling him absent and leaving.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, he came in the door just then. The school had private rooms for Hyunjin to tutor in.

“Hey, what’s up?”

Hyunjin pressed his lips together in frustration. He was given no apology for being late.

He moved his backpack off of the seat next to him so the boy could sit down.

His name was Changbin. A name Hyunjin regularly heard around school. He was first basemen which automatically made him a celebrity. Not necessarily academically, but definitely socially.

He always dressed nicely and looked well put together. Hyunjin would respect him for it if he didn’t think Changbin only did it for attention. It had only been a week since they started tutoring but Hyunjin had known of Changbin before. He was the kind of handsome, amiable people everyone loved.

“Got my test back from yesterday.” Changbin sat and handed over his sheet.

“Oh…” Hyunjin stared at his test paper. It was passing but it wasn’t great.

“I know it’s bad.” Changbin rolled his eyes and snatched it out of his hand. “I barely slept the night before so it affected my score.”

“You should get proper rest before a test day.” Hyunjin replied smoothly.

Changbin sighed and pulled out his notebook.

“I already can see you didn’t understand chapter four.” Hyunjin fully focused on tutor mode.

The thing with Changbin was that he tended to have a short attention span. Sometimes he would start to fade off somewhere in his mind and then Hyunjin would have to repeat what he said for ten minutes before he spaced out.

Changbin wasn’t really a bad student, he just struggled to apply himself and stay focused. He was the opposite of Hyunjin. In all honesty, it drove Hyunjin crazy.

“If you look at what I highlighted last time-.” Hyunjin grabbed Changbin’s hand, stopping him from tapping his pen on the table. “You’ll see it’s only the key terms.”

“Uh-huh.” Changbin nodded, his fingers starting to trace the corner of the book.

“Will you just-!” Hyunjin stopped himself from raising his voice. “Please. Focus. We have like twenty minutes left since you were late…”

“How am I going to use any of this stuff?” Changbin huffed frustratedly. “It’s so… not important!”

“If it wasn’t important, they wouldn’t teach it.” Hyunjin responded drily.

“Maybe it wouldn’t be so important if you didn’t act like it was.” Changbin mumbled under his breath.

Hyunjin glared at him. Sometimes he hated the athletes. It seemed to always be the athletes who were more interested in their sport than actual education. Chan was an exception.

“Stop doing that.” Changbin frowned back at him.

“Doing what?” Hyunjin asked.

“Looking at me like you’re judging me.” Changbin shot back. “I may not be the smartest but at least I try! And I would much rather enjoy all of life then see it only inside a book!”

“I’m not judging you.” Hyunjin denied it. “I just think it’s irresponsible spending time at parties instead of studying.”

“It’s part of living!” Changbin groaned. “You have to have fun sometimes!”

“Maybe… maybe not.” Hyunjin shrugged and flipped the page.

“Maybe if you tried it you would realize fun isn’t just in books.” Changbin closed the book with a determined snap.

Hyunjin resisted the urge to open it again and force him to study like he should.

“Let’s end the session here then.” Hyunjin sucked in a short breath. “Why don’t you go have fun with your friends, away from books.”

“I will.” Changbin stood.

Hyunjin started packing his things.

“Hey, there’s a baseball game tonight for the school kickoff week events.” Changbin lingered. “Are you going?”

“No.” Hyunjin replied shortly.

“You should come, it will be really fun.” Changbin tapped the table with his fingertips.

“I’ll be busy with my books.” Hyunjin brushed past him to leave the library.

That’s exactly what he did.

He stayed home and studied while the baseball game happened. Jisung went. He never missed a game. Baseball was his favorite sport. It just wasn’t interesting to Hyunjin.

Jisung never tired of telling Hyunjin all about it even though he wasn’t all that interested.

When he got home from the game, he flopped on Hyunjin’s bed and told him everything that happened.

“Mm hm.” Hyunjin hummed though he wasn’t really paying attention.

“We have the best pitcher.” Jisung sighed. “He was so cool tonight.”

“You mean Chan?” Hyunjin smirked at the way he referred to him.

“Not Chan.” Jisung shook his head. “Minho.”

Hyunjin frowned. He knew there was another pitcher but he didn’t really think about him much.

“He must have practiced a lot over the summer because he is so good now!” Jisung continued. “His changeup and fastball are perfect.”

“Oh… yeah.” Hyunjin tried to focus on his homework again.

“I wish I could play.” Jisung let out a sad noise and lay his head on his arms.

“Play for fun.” Hyunjin replied automatically.

“It’s not the same.” Jisung pouted. “I want to be a part of the school team.”

He rolled onto his back to look up at the ceiling.

“Can you throw the ball with me?” he asked Hyunjin.

“It’s late, and it’s dark and cold out.” Hyunjin frowned. “No way.”

“Oh yeah… how about tomorrow?” Jisung corrected.

“Maybe earlier in the day.” Hyunjin replied. “I’m going with Chan to the lake.”

“Really?” Jisung shot up with surprise.

“Yep.” Hyunjin shoved away his homework. It was no use trying to focus.

“You’re going with the baseball team!?” Of course that was why Jisung was excited. “Can I come too?”

“I’m going with Chan. I don’t care if the baseball team is there.” Hyunjin waved them away. “I haven’t skated in forever.”

“Please let me come!” Jisung begged him, clasping his hands together.

“You only want to come because the baseball team will be there.” Hyunjin rolled his eyes.

“I’ll skate too!” Jisung looked offended.

“Sorry, but Chan only invited me. I don’t think I have invitation rights.” Hyunjin rumpled Jisung’s hair as he went to get ready for bed.

“He’ll let me! I know it!” Jisung persisted.

Chan probably would, but Hyunjin hadn’t gone out with him to do something fun in a long time. He kinda wanted it to just be him and Chan. He let Jisung tag along often enough.

“I’ll take you to the lake another day.” Hyunjin promised. “It will be frozen for a long time.”

Jisung whined and fell back onto Hyunjin’s bed. He could be awfully dramatic at times.

The next morning, Hyunjin pulled out his skates. They were his dad’s old hockey skates so they were heavy and a bit clunky, but he made them work.

Chan picked him up right on time. He waved to Jisung who was pouting on the couch.

The lake was a popular place to go ice skating during the fall and winter. It was nice and spacious so lots of people could skate.

Hyunjin felt happiness warm his chest in the cold air as he stepped out onto the ice. He hadn’t done something fun like this in a long time. He skated around with Chan for a little bit, then on his own, and then with Chan again.

He was a good skater but his actual skates didn’t help with how heavy they were. All it took was turning a little too fast and his ankle locked, sending him to the ice.

Chan laughed at him of course as Hyunjin glared up at him.

“Not funny!” Hyunjin snapped.

“Kinda funny.” Chan smirked and offered his hand.

“Ow!” Hyunjin gasped and stopped Chan from pulling him upright.

His ankle throbbed in pain.

“You okay?” Chan smiled down at him.

“Uh huh.” Hyunjin said even though he kinda wasn’t. “I just twisted my ankle the wrong way.”

Chan became a little more serious, crouching down as best he could on his skates. He moved Hyunjin’s foot and it pulled a wince from him.

“Yikes. That’s not good.” Chan grimaced. “Let’s get you off of the ice so I can look at it.”

It proved hard to get up with only one good foot, but Chan helped him manage it. Hyunjin didn’t think it was a bad injury, the skate was just so heavy it added pressure to his ankle.

Chan helped him to one of the log benches on the side of the lake.

“Well this is embarrassing.” Hyunjin said softly. He kept his head down so the rest of the team out on the ice didn’t see his flushed cheeks.

“No one’s paying attention.” Chan shrugged.

He crouched again and helped unlace Hyunjin’s skate. It hurt when Chan’s pressed his fingers around his ankle but not terribly so.

“I think it’s only a slight sprain or just a stretch that pulled the wrong way.” Chan diagnosed. “I don’t think you should keep skating though.”

“Darn it.” Hyunjin whined. “This was supposed to be so fun.”

“What’s going on?”

Hyunjin hastily grabbed his skate, not sure what he was going to do with it, as Changbin joined them. He brushed his bangs down over his eyes as if it would hide his embarrassment.

“Hyunjin twisted his ankle so he has to sit out.” Chan told him.

“Oh no. Are you okay?” Changbin asked Hyunjin directly.

“Y-yeah, I’m fine.” Hyunjin stared down at his foot now only covered with a thick sock.

“I’ll get your shoes.” Chan patted his knee and left. Hyunjin cringed internally at having to be in such an embarrassing situation in front of Changbin.

“You should put ice, or snow, on it so it doesn’t swell.” Changbin suggested.

“Ah, I’ll do that.” Hyunjin nodded, refusing to look at him still.

“Looks like you have oversized skates. And hockey ones too.” Changbin observed. “It’s not very safe.”

“I know.” Hyunjin wanted to hide away. He hadn’t had money to buy new skates since his old ones were passed to Jisung when he didn’t fit them anymore. He was wearing his dad’s old ones.

Luckily, Chan returned before Hyunjin had to explain anything.

He helped Hyunjin into his boots even though Hyunjin insisted he could do it himself.

“Do you want to go home now or do you want to wait it out?” Chan asked. “I could take you to that café nearby. That way you stay warm, and maybe they can give you ice for your ankle.”

“That sounds good.” Hyunjin nodded. “I don’t want to ruin your fun.”

“I can take him.” Changbin offered suddenly. “You go ahead and skate Chan.”

“Oh no, it’s fine. Chan can take me.” Hyunjin tried to stand up.

“It’s no problem for me.” Changbin insisted. “I’m tired of skating anyways.”

Hyunjin sent Chan a look that said “help me” but Chan shrugged and ignored him.

The last thing Hyunjin wanted to do was have to limp through the snow with Changbin holding his arm, but it was his sad fate. He would have leaned on Changbin for support more but his bruised pride wouldn’t allow it.

He felt pitiful sitting in the warm café and letting Changbin get a bag of snow for him to put on his ankle. He felt even worse when Changbin sat next to him.

“You really don’t have to stay with me.” Hyunjin told him.

“I don’t mind. Changbin shrugged. “It’s warmer in here.”

Hyunjin still felt embarrassed that Changbin was with him while he was hurt and having to sit out. He wanted to look tougher than he really was. He especially didn’t understand why Changbin would even want to stay with him.

Since they were in a café, a waitress came to take their orders.

“I’ll have a hot chocolate.” Changbin said and then looked at Hyunjin. “What do you want?”

Hyunjin blushed again and shook his head.

“I don’t need anything.” he smiled apologetically at the waitress.

“Get something you want.” Changbin urged him.

“I didn’t bring my wallet.” Hyunjin replied.

“It’s on me.” Changbin waved him aside.

Hyunjin gaped for a moment at him and then shook his head awkwardly.

“Really, I’m fine.” he insisted.

“Two hot chocolates please.” Changbin told the waitress.

“I said I didn’t need anything.” Hyunjin frowned at him.

“I know. But you have an injury so you deserve it.” Changbin smiled cheekily. “Aren’t you always supposed to have hot chocolate on a snow day?”

It sounded like something Jisung would say. Jisung loved hot chocolate. He loved it so much that his mom put a limit on his intake.

Hyunjin nodded and adjusted his ice pack.

An uncomfortable silence hung over them for a minute. At least, it was uncomfortable for Hyunjin. Changbin seemed unphased by it.

“You don’t come to very many baseball games.” Changbin suddenly spoke up.

“Um…” Hyunjin was caught off guard. It was a strange thing to bring up. Unless Changbin was searching for conversation topics. It was also strange that he knew Hyunjin didn’t go to many games. Was he paying attention?

“How do you know?” Hyunjin asked directly.

“Chan always says hi to your brother at the games.” Changbin replied. “I hardly ever see you around.”

“I study a lot.” Hyunjin offered lamely. “I don’t have time.”

“You should come more often.” Changbin responded, being awfully straight forward. “It could be a break for you.”

“Maybe.” Hyunjin said half-heartedly.

The waitress brought their hot chocolate then and Hyunjin gratefully wrapped his hands against the warm mug.

“You’re hard to break through to.” Changbin commented, watching him.

“Huh?” Hyunjin looked up.

“Just being honest.” Changbin shrugged. “You’re a little hard to talk to.”

“That’s a little blunt.” Hyunjin snorted.

“I get to the point.” Changbin countered. “I feel like it’s really hard to get to know you.”

Hyunjin considered his words.

“Are you trying to get to know me?” he asked.

“Well I would at least like to know _something_ about you.” Changbin let a touch of exasperation bleed into his tone. “I don’t think you’ve said anything to me that doesn’t apply to school.”

Hyunjin didn’t know what to say. It was kinda true.

“What do you want to know?” Hyunjin asked skeptically.

“What’s your favorite color… Your favorite food… a song you like.” Changbin listed off some things. “Anything personal.”

“I like the color blue.” Hyunjin replied.

It felt a little weird answering Changbin’s questions, but it wasn’t bad.

“Okay.” Changbin accepted his response. “What’s that on your wrist for?”

Hyunjin glanced down at his wrist to see the simple hospital band made of paper that he had gotten when he dropped Jisung off for his test.

“You sometimes have one on when we tutor.” Changbin continued. “Are you sick?”

Hyunjin was honestly amazed that Changbin had stored so many observations about him. This one felt a little too personal but he answered anyways.

“Jisung’s in remission for Leukemia.” Hyunjin touched the wristband. “We still have to visit the hospital often.”

Changbin nodded in understanding.

“Cool.” he said simply.

“Cool?” Hyunjin frowned slightly at him.

“It’s cool that he’s in remission.” Changbin nodded. “It’s a good thing.”

“Yeah… I guess.” Hyunjin replied. “Do you… know about cancer?”

“Of course.” Changbin laughed briefly. “My dad passed from cancer when I was eight.”

Hyunjin was stunned. He had no idea. But then again, he hadn’t tried to get to know Changbin either.

“I’m sorry…” Hyunjin said awkwardly.

“It’s okay.” Changbin shrugged one shoulder, still smiling. “It’s in the past.”

“Still…” Hyunjin felt guilty for some reason. He felt bad he hadn’t been kinder to Changbin, even if it didn’t do anything to change what happened in the past.

“Sorry your brother has to go through that.” Changbin made a sad face. “It’s not easy.”

“It’s not.” the words slipped out.

“Looks like you’re taking good care of him though.” Changbin smiled and took a sip of his hot chocolate.

Hyunjin felt like the air between them shifted. They suddenly had a common ground, even if it was over something as terrible as cancer. Changbin knew something personal about him and Hyunjin knew something personal about Changbin. It strangely made Hyunjin feel warmer inside. Like he had someone who understood. A kindred spirit.

They spent the rest of the time talking on and off until Chan came to take Hyunjin home. Hyunjin waved goodbye to Changbin and thought that maybe he was a friend. Just maybe.

When he got home, Jisung and his mom worried over his ankle, making him lay on the couch and prop it up. Hyunjin still felt warm and happy inside even though his ankle was bothersome.

“I wish I could make it stop hurting.” Jisung squeezed under the blanket next to him on the couch.

“Now you know how I felt with you.” Hyunjin snuggled him closer.

“My test went well today.” Jisung traced circles on Hyunjin’s hand. “Nothing strange.”

“I’m glad.” Hyunjin murmured.

He wished he could be more like Jisung. Endlessly positive, easy to talk to, and friends with just about anyone. He wished he could be all the things Changbin had pointed out that he wasn’t.

“Do you think I’m hard to talk to?” Hyunjin murmured against Jisung’s hair.

“Um no? Why?” Jisung asked curiously.

“Well of course you would have a different opinion.” Hyunjin thought aloud. “You’re the only person I actually talk to…”

“Huh?” Jisung shifted slightly. “What are you talking about?”

“Nothing to worry about.” Hyunjin decided he didn’t want to bring it up fully. He was just having introspective thoughts at the moment.

He didn’t usually mind being more reserved or interacting with less people than most. Yet, hanging out with Changbin almost had him yearning for some of the comradery he seemed to have.

“Next time, take me with you so I can keep you from falling.” Jisung said.

“Okay.” Hyunjin grinned. “Next time, you can come with us.”

Usually, Hyunjin didn’t mind Jisung tagging along with him. Supposedly brothers weren’t supposed to get along. That wasn’t the case for the two of them. Maybe it had a little to do with Hyunjin almost losing Jisung, but they were close before then. They were close in age and both got along well.

Hyunjin gave up a lot for Jisung. Like sitting in his car waiting for Jisung to finish watching the baseball team practice. He was kind of like the team’s mascot. The players loved having him around. Chan was the one who had initiated him in.

Jisung’s couldn’t do much with them, but still did what he could.

Hyunjin was startled by Jisung opening his door once practice was over.

“Can I go with Chan to buy new batting gloves?” he asked, a little out of breath from running over.

“Did he ask you to go with him?” Hyunjin asked, setting down his book.

“Yeah! And he can take me home after!” Jisung nodded emphatically.

Hyunjin rolled his eyes.

“Then why did I sit here for the past two hours?!” he complained. “Next time plan ahead!”

“Sorry.” Jisung shrugged. “I didn’t know.”

“Just go.” Hyunjin shook his head and waved him away.

“Thanks!” Jisung shut the door and ran off.

Hyunjin pulled out his phone and texted his parents where Jisung was. If he wasn’t with Hyunjin, they wanted to know where he was. It was maybe a bit excessive, but Hyunjin got anxious when he didn’t know where Jisung was either.

He practically had a heart attack when someone knocked on his window. He fumbled his phone and looked to see who it was.

He rolled down the window to see Changbin better.

“Hey.” Changbin raised his hand in greeting.

“Hi.” Hyunjin replied. “What do you need?”

“Nothing.” Changbin laughed. “Jisung accidentally forgot this and he already left with Chan.”

He handed Jisung’s cap to Hyunjin.

“Oh, thanks.” Hyunjin accepted it. “He can be really forgetful.”

“Did you get ditched?” Changbin crossed his arms on the open window.

Hyunjin drew backwards just a bit instinctively.

“I didn’t want to go.” Hyunjin said defensively.

Changbin nodded but didn’t look like he believed him.

“Are you hungry?” he asked.

“Um…” Hyunjin frowned at him.

“I got ditched too.” Changbin shrugged. “I need a ride home. If I take you out to eat, can we consider it a fair trade?”

Hyunjin stared back at him in surprise.

“Or you could just leave me here…” Changbin tilted his head.

“N-No… I can take you home.” Hyunjin stammered.

“Cool.” Changbin straightened and walked around to the passenger side.

Hyunjin had a moment of panic. Had he just agreed to eat dinner with Changbin in exchange for a ride? It happened awfully fast.

He quickly moved his books off of the seat so Changbin could sit.

“Where do you want to eat?” Changbin asked.

“Uh… wherever is fine.” Hyunjin was still a little stunned.

“How about the café on the corner?” Changbin offered. “They have great hot sandwiches.”

“Sure.” Hyunjin nodded, pulling out of the school parking lot.

They drove a little bit in awkward silence.

“Why are you so tense?” Changbin asked. “I won’t bite!”

“I’m not tense.” Hyunjin denied. “I’m just… quiet.”

“Okay fair enough.” Changbin nodded.

He didn’t miss the opportunity to tease him though.

“Do you want me to order for you?” he asked when they got to the café. “Because you’re quiet.”

“Not funny.” Hyunjin glared at him but it was a tiny bit funny.

They took a corner booth in the front of the restaurant. It was empty and had a nice atmosphere. Hyunjin had never eaten there before but he wouldn’t admit it because it was supposedly a hot spot.

Changbin didn’t try to break the silence for a long time. Hyunjin decided maybe it was his turn to talk first.

“You said your dad had cancer?”

Probably wasn’t the best conversations starter, but Hyunjin was genuinely curious about it after Changbin had mentioned it to him.

“Yeah, stage four lung.” Changbin replied, seeming unphased.

“Oh…” Hyunjin nodded. “Jisung had AML.”

“Wow, leukemia.” Changbin winced. “It’s all a mess but Leukemia is rough too.”

Hyunjin nodded. Any type of cancer was awful. Leukemia affected blood and bone marrow. It was harder to pin down than a cancer in an isolated area at times.

“I’m really glad he’s in remission.” Changbin said. “It’s nice to see him at practice and games.”

“He loves it.” Hyunjin smiled. “It’s his favorite thing.”

Changbin stared at him for a moment and then grinned and dropped his gaze.

“How is your family recovering?” Changbin asked.

“My family?” Hyunjin was surprised.

“Yeah.” Changbin nodded. “It’s a process of healing for everyone.”

Hyunjin had never really thought about it like that. Was it normal for families to struggle even in remission? His sure did.

“I guess we’re okay.” Hyunjin replied. “H-How about you?”

“It was weird in the beginning but now it’s cool.” Changbin said nonchalantly.

“How so?” Hyunjin asked further.

“After my dad died, my mom went through every guy who even remotely resembled him.” Changbin said. “I would come home and there would be a new man sitting at our table, eating our food, or even sleeping in my dad’s bed.”

Hyunjin stayed quiet. He couldn’t imagine it.

“It was so weird at first but now I’m used to it.” Changbin shrugged.

“Your mom still… does that?” Hyunjin asked hesitantly.

“Yeah.” Changbin nodded. “Sometimes my sister or I are kicked out of our own house because there is some new guy there.”

“That’s… awful.” Hyunjin said. “How can you live like that?”

“It’s the cards I was dealt with.” Changbin said a little stiffly. “I learned to accept it.”

Hyunjin stared at him and then down at his hands. It was so unfair. It was terrible to think about. He felt sick for Changbin.

“Don’t feel bad for me.” Changbin interrupted his thinking. “I’m doing just fine.”

Hyunjin nodded but it still didn’t feel right.

“Hey, stop it.” Changbin reached over and tapped his hand to snap him out of it.

“Sorry.” Hyunjin shook his head. “I can’t help it.”

“It’s actually not bad to see.” Changbin grinned. “But not while I’m trying to eat.”

“What do you mean?” Hyunjin frowned at him. “I can feel… compassionate!”

“Just my first time seeing it.” Changbin shrugged and took a bite of his sandwich.

Hyunjin glowered at him.

“That hurts my feelings.” he said boldly. He should express his emotions candidly, right?

“Oh?” Changbin looked intrigued. “You find it strange people can’t read your emotions?”

“They can’t?” Hyunjin was right back into being confused.

“You’re kind of like…” Changbin pondered for a moment. “Like a more stoic version of Jisung. A lot more… And quieter, and more reserved.”

“So I have no personality basically.” Hyunjin rolled his eyes and sipped his lemonade gloomily.

“The opposite actually.” Changbin denied. “You just don’t wear your heart on your sleeve.”

“I do!” Hyunjin argued, though he wasn’t sure why he was fighting a losing battle. “I have a lot of things I… display out in the open!”

“Like what?” Changbin tilted his head curiously.

Hyunjin didn’t answer, sinking down in his seat a little bit.

“It’s okay!” Changbin laughed at his display of moping. “It’s not necessarily bad, just different from what I’m used to.”

Hyunjin wasn’t sure how he felt about that. He knew Changbin didn’t mean any harm but it bugged Hyunjin a little bit. He wanted to be what Changbin was used to. He wanted to be what most of the people at school were. He had never really fit in but he wanted to, deep down.

“It’s just hard.” Hyunjin made an excuse for himself.

“I know.” Changbin nodded. “You have a good heart.”

Hyunjin was taken by surprise. No one had ever complimented him like that.

“And I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.” Changbin continued. “You’re a good person no matter how you show it.”

Hyunjin suddenly felt like there was something caught in his throat. Was he really getting emotional over something Changbin had said? It wasn’t even terribly profound, but Hyunjin was a tiny bit desperate for compliments. It had been so long since anyone had told him he had done a good job. That he would be okay.

He kept replaying Changbin’s words when he dropped him off at home. How in the world did Changbin know him? How could he speak as if he could read Hyunjin so well?

He forced himself to stop pondering on it as he opened the door back home.

“Where have you been?!” Jisung shot off of the couch upon seeing him.

“Just with a friend.” Hyunjin hung his keys on the hook by the door.

“I thought you didn’t have friends.” Jisung smirked.

It was just a joke, but Hyunjin still bristled at the insult hitting a little too close to home.

“Be quiet, you weirdo.” Hyunjin shot back. Jisung laughed and flopped back onto the couch. Hyunjin was halfway up the stairs when he stopped and realized.

Had he called Changbin his… friend?


	2. Minho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone is doing well! I have two POV’s in this story! Minho and Hyunjin! (Ps. Felix and Seungmin will come in a bit later!) This chapter is a little angsty. Minho has a really hard time letting people in so it’s a bit of a push and pull with Jisung. This chapter is not my favorite, but I promise I will develop him more later on!

Minho always thought that if he wanted anything, he would have to obtain it himself. He believed in being fully independent. That was the only way he could be in control of his own life.

When he was young, his parents split up. That was the first time he learned to be his own boss in a sense. He stayed with his father who worked long hours at a poorly paying job. He didn’t have much time to take care of Minho. It was alright. Minho could do it himself.

That was just how he was wired. Even in high school, he was forward thinking in his own capacity.

He was a good student but he saw baseball as his ticket to university. He knew his father couldn’t afford to send him to an elite school. He would do it himself.

He threw himself wholeheartedly into baseball so he could be the best. He was just hoping for a substantial scholarship. He succeeded in being one of the star players at his school.

Just because he was a star player, didn’t mean he was necessarily well liked by everyone. In fact, popularity was far from having lots of friends for him. Minho didn’t know how to explain it, but it was like he was a reversed magnet, pushing everyone away from him.

Whether it was entirely purposeful or accidental, it happened. He had stopped caring to some extent. He only needed a few good friends, which he had.

They told him he was just too intimidating, especially since people though he was so cool just for throwing a ball. They had a hard time getting to know the real Minho because he was hidden under a smooth impenetrable exterior.

It was okay though. He had his friends. He operated under the belief that he could only count on himself. If he had a small group of friends, that was just a bonus.

He ignored everyone else in favor of sitting with Jeongin at lunch, his tiny duo.

“How do you eat so much?” Jeongin marveled at his tray.

“I’m an athlete.” Minho deadpanned.

“Still!” Jeongin gestured at Minho’s portion size. “The lunch lady just likes you more.”

“I didn’t spill chocolate milk all over the floor, twice.” Minho replied.

“Don’t bring up my embarrassing moments.” Jeongin grumbled.

“This year is the year.” Minho changed the topic. “We’re seniors. Which means I have to have my best season ever.”

“For your scholarship, right?” Jeongin asked.

Minho nodded. Their school had one of the best baseball teams so there were regularly scouts at their games. One of the colleges with the best baseball teams sent scouts to almost every one of their major games.

It was the university that Minho dreamed of going to. They had started offering full ride scholarships to players from Minho’s high school. Minho was dying to get a scholarship. But they only offered it to the very best player.

Minho knew their team was stellar. He would have to really stand out if he wanted a chance. That was why he joined a club. It was just in case he didn’t get the scholarship.

He had to prepare for the fact it might not happen. He focused on his academics just as much. He had great grades, but he needed extracurriculars to spice things up. It was a must to have an additional extracurricular during senior year.

He picked photography club because it was the easiest club, or so he thought. And it was the club Jeongin was in. If anything, he could breeze through with Jeongin’s help.

Unfortunately, they had to work in pairs and in the very first day, he wasn’t paired with Jeongin.

“Sorry.” Jeongin shrugged. “Jisung is great at photography. He can teach you a lot.”

Minho groaned and dropped his head.

The boy he was paired with was a year younger than him and he seemed awfully excited to have a partner.

“I’m Minho.” Minho nodded to him.

“Hi! My name’s Jisung!” the boy replied happily. “You’re new to the club, huh?”

“Yeah…” Minho replied flatly.

“I’ll help you get to know what we do in the club.” Jisung sat next to him. “I think it’s super fun!”

Minho was sure he wouldn’t find it fun but he didn’t say anything. Jisung was too bubbly for him to destroy his mood. It wasn’t too annoying though because Jisung was helpful.

He had a perpetual smile on his face and he would keep sneaking glances at Minho from time to time.

“What?” Minho frowned at him.

“Nothing.” Jisung quickly shook his head. “You’re just different in person.”

“What does that mean?” Minho was so confused.

“Oh I just mean you look different than the photos in the school paper or on the banners.” Jisung shrugged shyly.

Minho forgot that the baseball team had their faces plastered all over the school since they were the top team. Minho had to clear out his locker from notes from admirers on a weekly basis.

“I guess I’m a bit of a disappointment, huh?” Minho teased, letting the corner of his mouth quirk up.

“No, not at all!” Jisung waved his hand quickly.

Minho bit back a smile at how innocent he was.

“You like baseball?” he asked.

“I _love_ baseball.” Jisung let his excitement bleed into his tone. “It’s my favorite sport.”

“Do you play?” Minho continued the conversation. Jisung wasn’t terrible to talk to.

“Not on a team!” Jisung laughed. “I’m not good enough to play on a team. And I doubt I could keep up. But I play for fun sometimes!”

“Oh that’s cool.” Minho nodded. “Recreational is nice.”

“I wish I could pitch like you.” Jisung looked at him with sparkly eyes. “You could be a pro!”

“Ah… I don’t think so.” It coaxed another smile from Minho.

“You’re very good!” Jisung insisted.

“Do you go to the games?” Minho was curious.

“Every one.” Jisung nodded solemnly. “It’s my favorite thing to do!”

“You’re a dedicated fan.” Minho laughed. “I like it.”

Minho suddenly recognized Jisung. He was the kid he had sometimes seen hanging around Chan. He sometimes watched their practices though Minho never interacted with him.

Jisung blushed and focused back on what he was doing.

Minho decided he really wasn’t terrible to be partnered with. He didn’t treat Minho weirdly and he was pleasurable to talk with.

Minho still didn’t enjoy the club all that much but he figured he could get through it. Two weeks in, he had fallen into a rhythm. The club didn’t have many requirements.

He only had to sit through a lot of Jisung’s talking. He didn’t hate it though.

Jisung was sweet. He didn’t treat Minho oddly even though he admitted that he thought Minho was so cool for being a pitcher. Apparently, his older brother knew Chan as well.

Over time, Minho talked to him a little more. Jisung didn’t seem like the type to go share what Minho said whether personal or not. He was more bearable than most.

“Let me adjust it.” Jisung held his hand out for Minho’s camera.

It was pretty ancient since it was his dad’s but the club members seemed to like it since it was film. Jisung was the only one who could get it to work when it tried to breathe its last breath.

“I don’t think I’ll have any time to take photos this week anyways.” Minho sighed.

“Are you busy with practice?” Jisung looked up. Anything baseball caught his attention.

“Yeah.” Minho nodded.

“Maybe I could help you out.” Jisung offered. “I would love to borrow your camera. Only if that’s okay! For the week!”

“I really don’t care.” Minho gestured for him to take it.

“Awesome! Thank you!” Jisung beamed at him. “I’ll take good care of it! My brother will love to see it…”

Minho thought Jisung was more excitably than most. He exuded a positive energy for everything.

“Do you know my brother?” he tilted his head at Minho curiously.

“I doubt it.” Minho handed him some of the film he had brought with him.

“He’s friends with Chan.” Jisung supplied.

“Cool.” Minho didn’t think much of it. Chan had so many friends. None of which Minho interacted with.

He packed up his backpack and slung it over his shoulder.

“Wait!” Jisung touched his arm lightly. “I was going to ask for your number. I’m sorry I didn’t think of it sooner…”

He extended his phone a bit hopefully towards Minho.

“Oh…” Minho took it and typed his number in. He wasn’t sure why Jisung needed it.

“Thank you!” Jisung looked down at his phone screen like he had won a prize.

Minho shook his head slightly and turned to leave. He would probably never understand the younger boy.

He had practice later that night at the batting cages so he found a café to stay at after school and studied until then.

Being at the batting cages made Minho feel alive. He was practically thrumming with energy as he entered the cages with his teammates.

As a pitcher, hitting didn’t need to be his forte, but it brought up his value immensely if it was. In a way, it could make up for some of his weaknesses as a pitcher.

The team captain read out their assignments, three per batting cage. Minho was with him and Changbin, one of his friends on the team.

“Are you warmed up?” Chan asked.

He was the team captain and the first-string pitcher. He threw a killer curve ball and was able to read situations on the field better than most. But he was an even better captain because he understood how to push and motivate his teammates.

“Give me a minute.” Minho replied. “You can go first.”

Chan was a strong competitor for the scholarship Minho needed so badly. He was an excellent pitcher and created strong team cohesiveness. But he wasn’t as strong as Minho when it came to batting. He wasn’t as fast of a runner either.

Minho though their skills were about equal. He liked Chan, but he was still his biggest competition.

He entered the cage first while Minho sat next to Changbin. He was also a senior, and a great first basemen. He had his eyes on another school for baseball.

He was just as popular as Chan. He knew how to get a crowd going and had a unique balance of aloof and silly that made the team trust him.

“You joined a club?” Changbin asked as he strapped on his batting gloves.

“Yeah. Extracurriculars ya know…” Minho nodded.

“I’m too busy for clubs.” Changbin sighed. “I have to do tutoring so much.”

Changbin had always struggled a little more academically. You had to have strong grades to stay on the team so he was constantly rushing off to study after practice.

“How did you know I joined a club?” Minho frowned.

“I swear there are spies that track your every move.” Changbin rolled his eyes. “I just overheard from someone.”

“Why do people even care…” Minho mumbled.

“Because our school treats the baseball team like kings.” Changbin snorted. “It’s over the top but it’s not terrible. You’re just too scary for it to be any fun.”

“I like being scary.” Minho smirked.

“Exactly.” Changbin patted his shoulder. “Have fun with that.”

Minho shook his head playfully. He wasn’t mean, he just wasn’t the most extroverted. He could tell when people wanted to talk to him just because he was somehow considered cool.

“Alright Min, you’re up.” Chan swapped with him so he could hit.

“There goes the scary pitcher!” Changbin called after him teasingly.

Minho rolled his eyes and grabbed his bat.

The session was good but exhausting because their batting coach arrived and really drilled into all of them.

By the time Minho made it home, it was late.

“Dad?” Minho came home to a dark house.

He hung his jacket up at the door and flipped on a few lights.

“Dad?” he repeated. His car was in the driveway so he must be home.

He found him on the couch, asleep. It wasn’t uncommon. Especially with how he worked around the clock. It was a relief he was home honestly.

Working was draining and he didn’t get enough time to rest.

Minho decided to leave him where he was and headed upstairs. He was tired too. Practice was especially tiring that day.

He showered quickly and fell into bed, absolutely exhausted. He skipped eating since he was too tired to get up. He checked his phone quickly before falling asleep.

He had a message from an unknown number that caught his eye.

It was Jisung.

He sent off a quick response to affirm it was his number before setting his phone on his bedside table and turning off the lights. He didn’t want to be too dead in the morning.

Just before he was about to drift off, his phone lit up and he couldn’t resist reaching out and checking it. It was Jisung responding again. He read the message and set his phone aside again. He could reply in the morning.

It was the weekend, so Minho had a little time to relax and catch up on homework. Jisung had asked to meet up to do take some photos but Minho hadn’t responded. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to interact with people anymore.

Jisung messaged him again though and Minho gave in. He just wanted to take a few photos and it _was_ for an assignment.

He met Jisung at the park near the school. It was more of a mini trail then a park, with a stream cutting through it. The leaves had turned warm colors now that it was fall. There was a bit of a bite in the air. Minho hoped they could get the photos over with quickly so he could go home and watch baseball reruns.

“Minho!” Jisung came running up to him a few minutes after their meeting times. “Sorry I’m a little late!”

“It’s fine.” Minho replied. “Where are we taking pictures?”

“Um, we can look around.” Jisung shrugged happily. “We need a few nature pictures, one that has contrasting lighting and if we could get a few of the stream as well that would be good!”

“Okay.” Minho started walking, heading towards the trail.

Jisung ran after him, his camera bag over his shoulder.

“Here.” Minho gestured to a random part of the trail. He honestly wasn’t thinking that much. He just wanted to get it over with.

“Right. Yes.” Jisung scrambled to take his camera out of his bag. “You can stand there.”

“I’m not in the photo.” Minho shook his head.

“We need a few with people in them.” Jisung adjusted his lens.

“Well it won’t be me.” Minho said firmly.

Jisung faltered for a second but shrugged it off quickly.

“We can switch places!” he offered. “You take the picture of me.”

Minho switched with him. Jisung stood with the trees in the background and at a slight angle to the trail. He smiled widely and raised peace signs by his face. Minho tried not to smile. It was pretty cute.

The photo turned out well. Jisung bounced excitedly on his toes when he saw it.

“You’re so good!” he praised Minho. “Let’s do another!”

They moved to the stream that ran through the park.

“I’ll go to the other side and take a picture of you from that angle. Is that okay?” Jisung looked at Minho hopefully.

“That’s fine.” Minho gave in. He didn’t really want his picture taken but it was for the club so he supposed he owed it to Jisung.

Jisung carefully picked his way over the rocks and got to the other side. He snapped a few photos and smiled proudly. As he came back his foot slipped on one of the rocks and he tipped forward.

He caught himself with one hand on another rock but he couldn’t right himself without dropping the camera.

“Help!” he squeaked.

Minho bit back a laugh as he rescued the camera from Jisung’s precarious position.

“Hold my hand and I’ll pull you forwards.” Minho held his hand out.

Jisung grabbed his hand and Minho pulled him up to where his footing was more stable. He expected Jisung to make a joke or something. Maybe laugh it off, but instead his face was solemn.

“What?” Minho asked, still holding his hand.

Jisung’s eyes flickered to where Minho’s sleeve had fallen down to expose the underside of his forearm. He looked back at Minho in distress.

“They’re old.” Minho said automatically. “From a long time ago.”

“Oh… okay.” Jisung still looked worried.

Minho shrugged it off and turned away. He supposed it was his own fault for leaving the pale lines somewhere conspicuous like his arm. He wasn’t thinking much back then.

He worried he had traumatized Jisung a little bit because he stayed quiet as they moved around, finishing their tasks.

Minho forgot about wanting to leave once he started talking to Jisung and actually working with him. Even though Jisung was younger, he was so engaging to talk to. Jisung seemed to warm up to him again over a short amount of time.

When they really were done, Minho felt satisfied.

“Do you have a ride home?” Minho asked as they walked to his car.

“My mom will pick me up later.” Jisung replied. “She was busy today.”

“I could drop you off at home. If you didn’t want to wait.” Minho said. He wasn’t sure why he offered, since it was out of his way, but he didn’t like to think of Jisung waiting in the chilly park.

“If you don’t mind.” Jisung nodded shyly.

“Get in.” Minho opened the passenger side door for him.

He cranked up the heater once they were on their way. Jisung messaged his mom to let her know he found a ride.

“I never thought I would be getting a ride home from you.” Jisung said with a smile.

“Have you thought about it before?” Minho laughed.

“Not specifically.” Jisung laughed too. “It’s just, you’re the kind of guy that people at school wonder about.”

Well that was nothing new. Being a pitcher was an automatic interest card.

“Do you think I’m… intimidating?” Minho used the word Changbin had used.

“No.” Jisung answered honestly. “Not at all.”

“Really…” Minho was a little surprised, but pleasantly so. “I don’t understand it either.”

“People are worried to embarrass themselves or care too much about how they look.” Jisung said wisely. “They want to be friends with you if there is something special about you, but are afraid to take that step.”

“You’re right.” Minho nodded. “It’s not like I’m all that scary.”

“Nope!” Jisung grinned and clasped his hands in his lap.

Minho loved how simple and transparent Jisung was. It was so refreshing.

“Thank you for driving me home.” Jisung said once Minho pulled in front of his house. “Maybe we could do this again soon!”

“Yeah, maybe.” Minho nodded.

“See you at school!” Jisung waved at him before heading into his house.

Minho waited until he got into the house before returning his last wave and driving off. He felt lighter inside after spending time with Jisung. Even if his past had briefly made an appearance.

He didn’t know it would be something he had to come to terms with later on.

After practice on Monday, Chan of all people brought him up.

“You’ve been spending time with Jisung?” he asked curiously.

Minho was caught off guard by his question.

“Not really…” he replied.

“I was just wondering because Hyunjin said you were hanging out with him or something.” Chan handed Minho his helmet.

“Who is Hyunjin?” Minho asked.

“Jisung’s older brother. My friend.” Chan explained. “Changbin’s tutor too.”

“What are you saying about me?” Changbin came over, accidentally knocking over Minho’s bat on the way.

“So clumsy.” Minho sighed under his breath. Changbin smiled, completely unphased.

“Minho is friends with Jisung.” Chan gestured to him.

“No I’m not.” Minho said, perhaps a bit too quickly.

“Who isn’t friends with Jisung?” Changbin smirked.

Minho frowned. Was he friends with Jisung? They just interacted when they had to.

“Are you afraid of having friends?” Changbin gasped dramatically.

“I have friends!” Minho smacked him none too lightly. “I’m just not friends with him. He’s like the exact opposite of me.”

“Exactly.” Chan winked at him. “Opposites attract.”

“You guys are ridiculous.” Minho frowned and jammed his helmet on his head.

Chan and Changbin just laughed.

“On a more serious note.” Chan shifted the conversation. “We have our first preseason scrimmage game next week and we need to start raising money for our trip too.”

“I’ll help you set up the flyers.” Changbin offered.

Every years, the team took a four-day trip as a team building activity. It was super fun and they did a lot of strategizing and team structuring in that time. The only problem was that Minho had to raise money to be able to afford going.

The school accepted donations for the team so they could all go. It was one of the fundraising opportunities that brought in the most money. The baseball team was just popular.

Jisung brought it up at their club meeting.

“Are you going this year?” he asked Minho.

“Yeah if we get enough money.” Minho nodded though he wasn’t worried about it.

“Sounds so exciting!” Jisung said enthusiastically.

Minho nodded but then remembered what Chan and Changbin had said. Was he becoming friends with Jisung? He kind of didn’t want that to happen.

It was hard to explain, but it was always a weird territory when trying to make new friends. Jisung was so high energy, he really was the opposite of Minho.

Minho never felt like he was good enough to dive into relationships. He had confidence, but not in the deep parts of himself that no one was allowed to see. He didn’t want people to crack through his shell and see how soft he was on the inside.

Minho didn’t see the relationship progressing if he could cut it off, so he stayed quiet. More so than usual.

He was so wrapped up in their first game, even if it was a mock game. He had to do well right from the start. Since it was a scrimmage, he would have more chance to play.

He was a little nervous that day, but he fell into his rhythm easily. It was so great to be on the field again with fans in the stands cheering them on.

He thought his performance was good and they won by three runs. It was definitely worth a celebratory dinner after with the team.

Once he had changed in the locker room and pulled on a warm hoodie, he returned to where the team was. He would ride with Changbin to dinner.

Before he could join them, a voice called out to him.

“Minho!”

He turned to see Jisung. His cheeks were flushed pink in the chilly air and he beamed happily.

“You did a great job today!” he praised Minho.

“Thanks.” Minho nodded his head.

“This is for you.” Jisung reached into his coat and pulled out an envelope.

“What is this?” Minho asked, not accepting the envelope yet.

“You were raising money for your trip.” Jisung replied. “This is my contribution.”

Minho stared at him. Jisung’s expression struck him through his heart. He was so hopeful, just wanting Minho to notice him. It made Minho feel terrible.

“It’s not very much but every bit counts, right?” Jisung had the audacity to smile, melting Minho starting at the core of his heart and spreading outwards and softening him. Minho hated feeling soft and vulnerable.

“Where did you get the money?” Minho slowly held his hand out.

“I saved up from my allowance. And I asked my dad to let me help him do jobs.” Jisung happily placed the envelope in Minho’s hand. “I worked really hard.”

Minho stared at the envelope now in his hand.

“I can’t take this.” he said numbly.

“Yes you can!” Jisung replied. “It’s for you!”

“Why would you do this?” Minho raised his eyes to Jisung’s.

“I want you to go on your trip.” Jisung said simply. “Hopefully this helps…”

“Hey Minho!” Changbin called to him. “Hurry up!”

“You should go.” Jisung stepped backwards and then lifted his hand in a small wave. “Bye!”

Minho felt undone at the seams, painfully squishy and soft in the center and brittle on the outside. He felt like he had gone too far again. Why was Jisung such a giver? Why did he continue to give even when Minho wasn’t receptive? Couldn’t he see he didn’t want to be friends?

“Wasn’t that Hyunjin’s little brother?” Changbin slung his arm over Minho’s shoulders as he rejoined their group.

Minho slipped the money into his jacket and tried to tack on a smile.

“Yeah… he had to tell me something about the club.” Minho lied. “Where are we going to eat?”

Minho didn’t feel right accepting the money from Jisung. He had obviously worked hard for it. It didn’t seem like Minho deserved it.

He checked the amount when he got home and found there was a note inside. He felt sick reading it. Jisung had just wished him a happy trip and thanked him. He had thanked Minho for being friends with him.

Minho set it aside. He had never had someone be interested in him like that. He had never had someone crave his friendship. He didn’t know how to give it. With Jeongin, they had just fallen together. There was nothing very special, it just happened.

Minho felt burdened by Jisung’s interest in a strange way. Like he had to give back in some way. How far would it go? Not to mention, Jisung had already stumbled upon two parts of himself that he would like to keep secret. First his scars and now his financial situation. It didn’t feel great.

He decided it would be best to just ease away slowly.

Minho did the only thing he knew how to do. He ignored Jisung.

As much as possible, he didn’t give attention to Jisung. He knew the younger boy recognized it. He turned down hanging out, avoided him in the club meetings, and didn’t respond when he said hi in the halls.

It was for the best for both of them.

Minho was surprised to get backlash.

He was in the locker room after practice when someone came in unexpectedly.

“Um… can I help you with something?” Minho blinked at the boy who didn’t look like he belonged there. He was dressed in nice pants and a sweater, his backpack still hanging off of one shoulder. He let it fall with a thud.

“I’m Hyunjin.” The boy said coldly.

“Okay…” Minho was confused.

“Jisung’s brother.” he continued.

Minho’s shoulders slumped. Well this wasn’t good.

“I want to know why you’ve been so mean to him.” Hyunjin demanded.

Minho didn’t like his tone. Who was he to come in and accuse Minho of anything?

“I haven’t been mean…” Minho frowned.

“You’ve been ignoring Jisung!” Hyunjin shot back. “You don’t think that’s hurtful?”

“Why are you telling me this and not him?” Minho asked defensively.

“You hurt his feelings!” Hyunjin raised his voice at him.

“Well…Tell him to suck it up!” Minho hated the words coming from his mouth. “I don’t have time to worry about if his feelings are hurt!”

“I knew you would be like this!” Hyunjin was furious. “You never really cared about him! Why did you even lead him on like that?”

Minho threw down his towel angrily.

“I have a million things to worry about! I’m barely holding on to everything I have to do!” he snapped. “I can’t look after him too!”

“He just wants you to be his friend.” Hyunjin looked desperate. “Do you know how excited he was coming home from school and talking about you? He even gave you money!”

“I don’t want to hear it.” His words hurt Minho more than he could admit. It made him feel uncomfortable that Jisung had talked about him. That he had wanted to be close to Minho. He didn’t understand it.

“You’re so terrible.” Hyunjin spat, his anger rising again. “You’re so selfish, and rude, a-and- you don’t even care about anything!”

“I get it.” Minho said coldly. “Now get out!”

“Stay away from him for real!” Hyunjin threatened him. “I won’t let you hurt his feelings anymore!”

“If he wants to talk it out with me then he can man up and talk to me himself.” Minho spat.

Hyunjin looked like there were many more words he could unload on Minho but he held himself back. He glared at Minho as he grabbed his backpack and left the locker room.

Minho gritted his teeth angrily. Now Hyunjin, and maybe Jisung too, was making him out to be a bully. Just because he couldn’t be bothered with a boy who looked up to him with shining eyes. It made him sick.

He could only control himself. Jisung was the type of person to depend on others too much. He was like how Minho had been. Minho didn’t want to hurt Jisung like he had been hurt.

That night, he couldn’t stop replaying Hyunjin’s conversation with him. Had he been that mean to Jisung? He was just trying to set up boundaries. Was it too harsh?

He tossed and turned trying not to think about it anymore. It wasn’t his concern anymore. He just couldn’t get Jisung’s happy smile out of his head whenever he saw Minho.

He was definitely too attached. It would only turn out badly.

At the next club meeting, Jeongin came up to him when he arrived.

“Hey… uh… Jisung asked to switch partners so… you’ll have a new partner today.” Jeongin told him, looking confused.

“Switch?” Minho frowned. “Why?”

“He wouldn’t tell me why. I thought you would know.” Jeongin replied.

“What about all the work we did together?” Minho asked.

“You can redo it with your new partner.” Jeongin winced apologetically. “I can help if you need.”

“Hold on.” For some reason, Minho was angry.

Who was Jisung to decide he didn’t want to be partners anymore? Maybe Minho wasn’t thrilled with the tense atmosphere but at least he dealt with it.

He stalked over to Jisung and pulled him aside.

“What’s going on?” he said coldly.

Jisung blinked up at him with a mix of surprise and apprehension.

“Why are you switching partners?” Minho prompted.

“I- I just thought it would be best.” Jisung’s face blushed pink. “For b-both of us.”

“That’s stupid.” Minho snapped back. “Now we have to redo our work!”

“It’s better if I don’t make you uncomfortable.” Jisung dipped his head.

“Who said you made me uncomfortable?” Minho said even though he knew his actions spoke louder than words. “That’s just an excuse.”

“I-I’m sorry!” Jisung looked up at him again. “I didn’t know. I couldn’t tell.”

Minho rolled his eyes and turned his head away for a moment.

“Don’t switch partners.” he basically ordered. “It would be a waste.”

Jisung bit his lip. Minho changed his tactic.

“Do I need to prove to you I’m not uncomfortable?” Minho asked. He wasn’t sure how to prove that even. “What do you want? For me to hang out with you or something?”

Jisung looked more attentive at that but shook his head slightly.

“You still want to change?” Minho scanned his face.

Jisung nodded timidly again.

Minho wasn’t sure what to do. He didn’t have time to go through and make up all the work they had already done. And Jisung actually wasn’t a terrible partner.

Suddenly, he had an idea.

“Have you ever been to a batting cage?” he asked.

Jisung shook his head again.

“I’m going to go there to practice after school.” Minho told him. “If I take you… will you consider being my partner again?”

Jisung considered it but Minho knew he had found his biggest weakness.

“Okay.” Jisung agreed. “But I have to ask my brother.”

“Fine. Whatever.” Minho was back to looking like he didn’t care. “Just think about it.”

After school he waited for Jisung by the steps.

He groaned as he approached… with Hyunjin.

“Seriously?” Minho asked when they drew close. “I said I would take you not him.”

“I’m his driver, so I’m coming too.” Hyunjin glared at him. Jisung looked awkwardly between them.

Minho had no energy left to fight so he gave in and let Hyunjin come too.

Minho didn’t speak much as they set up. He threw his bag on the benches in the room outside the batting cage and directed Jisung almost wordlessly to set up.

He could tell Jisung was excited. He barely contained a smile and his fingers shook a little bit when he chose a bat. He stared at Minho unwaveringly as Minho made sure his helmet was adjusted. Maybe he was trying to gauge how much Minho was enjoying it.

Not much with Hyunjin fixing him with a cold stare the whole time. Minho forced himself to neutralize his expression. It also just felt too cruel to make Jisung miserable when it was something he loved to do.

He just needed to get him to be his partner again. That was the only reason he was doing it.

Minho stood at the barrier while Jisung stepped into the cage. He looked a little nervous but more excited. His first few swings missed.

“You just need to find your rhythm.”

Minho wasn’t sure why he called out the encouragement but Hyunjin looked at him curiously when he did.

Jisung nodded and connected with the next one.

He kept swinging for a little bit, Minho silently analyzing his form. Of course it was sloppy since he wasn’t actively playing but it wasn’t terrible.

“I’m a little tired.” Jisung laughed shyly and let his bat fall after a bit.

“You’ve barely even hit a fifth of what I usually hit!” Minho was a little surprised. “I thought you wanted to come to the batting cages to hit.”

“Leave him alone.” Hyunjin spoke up suddenly. “If he’s tired, he should stop.”

Minho ignored him, a little perturbed Hyunjin was butting in.

“I can do some more.” Jisung smiled at Minho and lifted his bat again.

“Don’t push yourself.” Hyunjin stood and joined Minho against the protective chain link.

“He can hit some more.” Minho shot back. “I brought him here to hit, didn’t I? If he’s not going to hit more than a dozen then I wasted my money.”

“It’s okay.” Jisung looked back at them. “I will do more! I don’t mind!”

Hyunjin and Minho fell silent and watched him hit. After a few swings, Minho noticed Jisung’s energy had started to flag, his bat dipping like it was heavy for a split second before he lifted it.

“That’s enough.” Hyunjin called out to Jisung.

“Let him decided when he’s done.” Minho snapped at Hyunjin. For some reason the way Hyunjin was acting rubbed him the wrong way.

“Don’t be a jerk.” Hyunjin snapped back at him. “If he’s tired, he should stop.”

“Don’t get angry at me!” Minho glared at him. “I just want him to make the most of the time. Stretch him a little!”

“You’re so stupid.” Hyunjin spat out angrily.

“Hyunjin, please don’t.” Jisung said quietly, taking his helmet off.

“Don’t call me stupid.” Minho came back fighting. “Just because he’s your little brother doesn’t mean you have to baby him! Don’t make me look like the bad guy!”

“You’re just not being careful!” Hyunjin tilted his chin up, trying to look more intimidating.

“Careful of what?!” Minho spread his arms. “He can swing a freaking bat!”

“It’s hard for him!” Hyunjin returned fire.

“Hyunjin! Really, it’s fine! I’m fine!” Jisung said, still inside the batting cage.

“Well sorry if I don’t treat him like a delicate flower!” Minho couldn’t stop himself from snapping back at Hyunjin. Why did he have the right to be angry at Minho?

“He could use some toughening up in my opinion.” Minho scoffed and ran his hand through his hair.

“He’s not strong enough for that!” Hyunjin continued to push it.

“Why the hell is he not?!” Minho shouted.

“Because he’s in remission!” Hyunjin shouted, his chest heaving with emotion.

“Hyunjin!” Jisung stepped out of the enclosure and grabbed his arm.

“What does that mean?” Minho gritted out.

“I’m fine! I really am!” Jisung interrupted again. “Minho’s right. You don’t have to baby me… I’m okay.”

A little of the anger bled out of Hyunjin at Jisung’s words.

“He doesn’t even care, Jisung.” he pointed at Minho.

“It’s because I didn’t tell him.” Jisung winced as he addressed Hyunjin.

Minho was so confused. He looked between the two brothers, obviously out of the loop on something.

“Jisung is in remission for AML.” Hyunjin told Minho. “Leukemia.”

“Hyunjin!” Jisung whined.

“Why didn’t you tell him?” Hyunjin turned his frustration on Jisung. “Why would you hide it?”

“Hey!” Minho cut in. “What is going on?”

“I…” Jisung looked at him and then at his feet.

Hyunjin pressed his fingers to his temples, obviously bothered.

“I had Leukemia.” Jisung finally said. “But I’m in remission, which means the signs of the cancer aren’t there anymore. Hopefully… I can be cancer free, but for now I’m in remission.”

Minho’s mind felt like it was blanked out. He wasn’t entirely sure what they were talking about but he got the gist of it.

“You’re sick?” Minho looked at Jisung.

“No I’m not.” Jisung shook his head vigorously. “It’s just… complicated.”

“He needs to take care of himself so he doesn’t get sick again.” Hyunjin crossed his arms.

“You don’t need to monitor everything I do!” Jisung snapped back at Hyunjin again. “I have to live my life normally!”

Minho held up his hand to stop them.

“To be honest, I don’t know how to respond to this. It looks like it’s something you two need to work out, not me.” Minho said. “I’m leaving.”

Minho was never good with these kinds of things. Especially with the tension in the air between the two brothers. Maybe it was immature, but he would rather remove himself from the situation.

This was exactly what he was worried about. He didn’t have the time, energy, or even emotional space to be drawn into Jisung’s world. He had enough to deal with on his own.

He grabbed his bag and skirted around Jisung to leave.

“Wait! Minho!” Jisung trailed after him as he left.

Minho kept going. Forget him needing a partner. He would just ask Jeongin to cover for him.

“Minho, I’m sorry!” Jisung said.

Minho opened his trunk and threw his bag in.

“You have nothing to apologize for.” Minho said flatly.

“I’m sorry for Hyunjin!” Jisung tried again.

“It’s not your place to apologize for him.” Minho closed his trunk with finality.

He moved around his car, Jisung following after him.

“It’s fine Jisung.” Minho said. “I’m just done for the day.”

“I’ll be your partner again.” Jisung blurted out.

“You don’t have to do that.” Minho didn’t feel like forcing or bribing him anymore.

“I want to.” Jisung sounded so forlorn as Minho opened his door that he paused. “I just… don’t know how to do it…”

“How to do what?” Minho looked directly at him.

“I don’t know how to be your friend.” Jisung murmured.

There it was again. The awful guilty, weak feeling that Minho hated. He didn’t _want_ to hurt Jisung’s feelings. But he also didn’t think he could handle being friends with someone like him. He felt too broken inside. He could only keep all of his broken pieces contained. If he opened up, they pieces might slip out and cut the people around him.

He wasn’t used to being open with others. He wasn’t used to letting himself be vulnerable. In the past, all the people he had opened up to, weren’t permanent.

“I just need to think Jisung.” Minho softened his tone. “I’ll see you at school.”

Driving away was surprisingly hard. He had a strong urge to turn back around and apologize to Jisung for the way he had acted. But he didn’t.

He couldn’t stop replaying the past twelve hours in his mind, late into the night. Especially finding out Jisung was sick. Even if it was in remission, it was worrying to Minho.

Finally, he gave up on sleep and stepped into the hallway. He went to the end of the hall and opened the door slowly. He rarely went into the room. He didn’t think his dad ever ventured inside.

He slipped inside the dark room and took a second just to take it in, even in the dark. He stepped lightly across the room, feeling like he would disturb something if he made too much noise.

He curled up on the couch and pulled the soft blanket hanging on the side over himself. He bunched it up in his hand and pressed it to his nose. The scent was so faint but it was still there.

If he imagined really hard, he could remember sitting with his mom in that room, laughing over something. Now all that was left were the things she didn’t want to take with her.

Minho was one of them.

His dad hadn’t even had to fight for him. She just left him there.

Minho squeezed his eyes shut and tried to block out the bad memories. He could only handle the good ones at the moment.

As he fell asleep, he wondered if his mother and Jisung would be friends. They were so much alike.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know some of you may be wondering where this story is going already after you read it. I am definitely not making this a “cancer centric” story. I was a little worried people would be misled after chapter 1 but I will clarify! There is a lot of romanticizing cancer and similar illnesses in books nowadays and I wanted to move far away from that! I don’t want to be bleak but I wanted to portray a little bit of what it’s like living life AFTER cancer. My best friend’s mom when I was growing up was in remission for cancer. Actually the same kind Jisung had here. I remember many hospital visits, eating healthy food, and learning how she was fighting through. Even though Jisung struggles throughout the story, his cancer does not come back so don’t worry! However, cancer is discussed often in this story and there are some graphic complications, so please be mindful of that. I wanted to show a lot more of the after journey and the triumphs, rather than a tragedy!


	3. Hyunjin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there lovelies! I somehow managed to post three chapters today! One for each of my ongoing series! I am not even sure how that happened but so far I have been able to stick to my schedule! Thank you for your comments and feedback! They really keep me going! 
> 
> This chapter is one of my favorites hehe! Just because I adore Changjin and for once I have managed to write a slow build story! I hope it's fun to read! This chapter should be extra soft and sweet!

If Hyunjin could pin down the worst moment of his life, he wouldn’t choose when Jisung got his diagnosis. He didn’t know how bad it would be then. He would choose the moment he lay in the hospital bed with Jisung while they watched baseball on the small TV.

Jisung had talked about the players to Hyunjin, his voice a little weak but the enthusiasm still there. Hyunjin curled up against him, leaning his head on his shoulder and putting his arm around him.

That was when it really hit Hyunjin that there may be a day when Jisung wouldn’t be there to talk to him about baseball. Hyunjin had cried that night. He knew it distressed Jisung and his dad had told him to knock it off but he couldn’t help it.

He went home the next day and came back to the hospital with Jisung’s baseball jerseys. He practically demanded that Jisung get to wear them instead of his sad hospital gown.

He was eventually allowed to wear them sometimes. It was a small thing but Hyunjin knew it meant a lot to Jisung. It was a comfort to him.

Now, Hyunjin was exactly the same. He wanted Jisung to be happy. He wanted to look out for his younger brother. But now it wasn’t holding his hand before a big checkup. It was having to let him go into the world knowing his feelings would get hurt sometimes.

“He’s a jerk!” Hyunjin sat on Jisung’s bed and rubbed his back as he cried, his face buried in his pillow.

“No he’s not.” Jisung said, his voice muffled.

“Well I think he is…” Hyunjin muttered. “He’s not very nice to you and I don’t like it.”

“He was nice to me I just-.” Jisung lifted his face from his pillow. “I did something wrong and made him feel uncomfortable. He’s not a bad person.”

Hyunjin bit his tongue. Even though he thought Minho was being irresponsible and at times plain rude, he didn’t want to make Jisung more upset.

“This isn’t fair.” Jisung said with a wobbly bottom lip.

Hyunjin patted his side.

“You’ll be okay. It’s not the end of the world.” he comforted.

“It is for me!” Jisung cried and buried his face in his pillow again.

Hyunjin was a little surprised that Jisung was responding so dramatically. Maybe Hyunjin had underestimated how attached he was to Minho.

He left Jisung to mope for a minute since his mom called him downstairs.

“I brought everything for… a movie night!” Chan was in the kitchen and he gestured to the pizza and snacks he had brought over.

“I swear, just come live with us.” Hyunjin grabbed chips off of the counter.

“What movie should we watch tonight?” Chan opened the refrigerator to grab a soda.

Chan lived close by so he regularly came to crash without invitation. He was dressed in sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt, his hair rumpled and socks mismatched. The Chan only they got to see.

“Where’s my quokka?” Chan asked.

“Upstairs crying.” Hyunjin sighed.

“Crying?” Chan gasped. “Who do I need to beat up?”

“Minho would be nice…” Hyunjin smirked at him. “But Jisung wouldn’t allow it.”

“Should I go up and talk to him?” Chan moved to go out of the kitchens.

“Nah, I think he would be too embarrassed.” Hyunjin shook his head. “He’ll calm down in a bit.”

“Why do I need to beat up my backup pitcher?” Chan leaned against the counter.

“He’s just so hot and cold.” Hyunjin winced. “He’s confusing Jisung and making him feel like he doesn’t want to be his friend.”

“Minho can be guarded but he’s not a bad guy.” Chan shrugged.

“Well, that’s not helpful.” Hyunjin frowned at him. “I’m trying to talk bad about him right now and you’re defending him!”

“Just being fair!” Chan laughed and raised his hands in surrender. “I just hope Jisung feels better soon. I brought his favorite chips.”

Hyunjin smiled at the bright blue chip bag set aside for him.

“Don’t let my mom see those.” he slipped the bag under the others. “It’s already a miracle she’s letting him have that pizza.”

Chan covered it up more effectively and winked at him.

“I was wondering… what Changbin is like.” Hyunjin tried to be nonchalant as he asked.

“Um, crazy!” Chan laughed. “He’s a comedian. But he can also get really deep sometimes.”

“Oh, so he’s a good guy?” Hyunjin asked.

“Yeah, he’s cool.” Chan gave his thumbs up stamp of approval. “I think he wears his heart on his sleeve much more than Minho.”

Hyunjin nodded. He had been so curious about Changbin recently. He may be very open, but he still felt like a mystery to Hyunjin.

“He’s buddies with Jisung too.” Chan pointed out. “Especially in the past couple of weeks.”

“Oh… I wonder why that is.” Hyunjin murmured.

“Are you guys talking about me?”

Jisung appeared at the end of the stairs. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked exhausted, but he had stopped crying.

“Just talking about how much I missed you.” Chan smiled brightly and went to give Jisung a bear hug. “I got you your favorites.”

Hyunjin laughed as Chan whispered comically in his ear.

“Yikes.” Chan drew back and touched his chin. “What happened to you?”

“Friend stuff happened.” Jisung pouted.

“Can I make it feel better with a movie night?” Chan asked.

“Always.” Jisung smiled and bounced over to see what he had brought. “Did my mom see this stuff?”

Chan and Hyunjin both laughed.

Jisung snuggled up to Chan on the couch but Hyunjin didn’t mind. He was just glad Chan had come to save the day without even knowing.

He was glad Chan and Jisung got along well. Chan had been friends with Hyunjin since his family moved to their neighborhood. It was a bonus that he was so kind to Jisung.

Hyunjin was a little worried when Jisung said Chan wouldn’t be at baseball practice the next day, but he still wanted to stay. He trusted Chan with Jisung but he didn’t know anyone else on the team well enough. Only Changbin a little.

Hyunjin still let him stay, using the time to study. Around the time practice ended, he got out of the car to retrieve his jacket from the trunk of the car.

Practice was getting out just then and Hyunjin was glad. He wanted to get home.

Hyunjin was surprised to see Changbin walking with Jisung. He closed the trunk and leaned against it as they got close.

“Hey, what’s up?” Changbin shoved his hands in his pockets.

“Uh, not much…” how should he even respond to that question? “Do you need a ride home?”

“No. I’m good thanks.” Changbin shook his head.

Hyunjin stood awkwardly. He wasn’t sure what Changbin wanted then.

“I was going to ask if you wanted to go to a party with me tomorrow night.” Changbin stated his purpose for coming and talking to Hyunjin.

It was not what he had expected in the slightest.

“A party?” Hyunjin repeated.

“Yeah.” Changbin nodded. “It’ll be chill. Mostly just the baseball and soccer team.”

Jisung looked at Hyunjin with sparkling eyes.

“Why would I go to a party for the baseball and soccer team?” Hyunjin frowned.

“For fun…” Changbin snorted. “I just thought you might want to go since you don’t often go to parties.”

Hyunjin crossed his arms.

“He’s never invited to parties.” Jisung overshared willingly.

“Hey!” Hyunjin flicked Jisung’s forehead lightly. “What do you know about what parties I get invited too?”

“Just saying…” Jisung giggled.

Hyunjin bit his tongue. Well that was embarrassing.

“Just text me if you want to go.” Changbin shrugged. “You have my number.”

“He will!” Jisung grabbed Hyunjin’s arm and started pulling him away.

“Um, no I won’t.” Hyunjin denied. “I’m not going to a party.”

“He’ll go!” Jisung tried to shove Hyunjin into the driver’s seat while waving at Changbin.

“No I won’t!” Hyunjin called back.

He rounded on Jisung once they were both in the car.

“Why would you say that?” he hissed.

“Which part? You never getting invited to parties, or that you would go to the one tomorrow night?” Jisung smirked.

“Both!” Hyunjin gasped. “I can’t go to a party! It’s a school night! And thanks a lot for making me look dumb!”

“This is exactly why you need to go!” Jisung argued back. “It will be so fun! You’re a senior! You’re supposed to go to parties!”

“I’m supposed to study.” Hyunjin pinched his ear. “Now I’m in a weird situation with Changbin because of you little tease!”

“You can thank me later.” Jisung batted his hand away, unphased by his reluctance.

Hyunjin refused to talk to Jisung, even when he tried to apologize halfheartedly. He closed himself in his room. It was petty but it made Hyunjin feel a little better.

Of course it didn’t last long.

“What do I wear to a party?” Hyunjin said as he walked into Jisung’s room.

“I’ll dress you.” Jisung shot up from his chair.

“No. No.” Hyunjin caught his arm. “I’m still the one making the decisions.”

“Well I still have to see what I’m working with!” Jisung sidestepped him and went to invade his closet.

“Wow… you have nothing.” Jisung shook his head sadly after he had dumped half of Hyunjin’s clothes on his bed.

“I, for the record, have very nice clothes.” Hyunjin said defensively.

“Yeah… they’re all too nice.” Jisung held up a jacket. “You can’t look like you’re going to school, or a funeral.”

“Rude.” Hyunjin snatched back his jacket. “I’ll just wear something casual then.”

“Do you own casual clothes?” Jisung dug through the clothes on his bed.

“I’m sure there’s something.” Hyunjin joined him in searching.

“Oh!” Jisung looked like he had been struck by an idea. “The pants that Chan got you that you swore you would never wear!”

“The what- no!” Hyunjin groaned as Jisung found them in the back of his drawer.

“Hyunjin, they look _so_ nice!” Jisung shoved them into his arms. “You have to wear them!”

“They’re not my style at all!” Hyunjin argued. “They’re too…”

“What? Cool?” Jisung scoffed and pushed him towards the bathroom to change. “If you wear those then I will let you wear a sweater.”

“My maroon sweater?” Hyunjin tried to grab it from the pile.

“No. Your cream sweater.” Jisung placed it in his hand and shooed him to go change.

Hyunjin stared at himself in the mirror for a long time.

The sweater was okay. It was nice, a little long in the sleeves but stylish. But the pants… black ripped jeans were the last thing he would wear. It’s not that he thought they looked bad; he just preferred a neat look. And he felt self-conscious of the rips showing slivers of skin.

Jisung gasped dramatically when he stepped shyly out of the bathroom.

“Chan was right! You pull them off so well since you have such long legs.” Jisung gave him a thumbs up. “They fit perfectly. Wear them.”

“I don’t know…” Hyunjin fiddled with the frayed edges of the rips.

Jisung grabbed Hyunjin’s phone from his desk and snapped a quick photo.

“Oh please, I don’t need a photo of myself.” Hyunjin rolled his eyes.

“It’s not for you, it’s for Changbin.” Jisung replied simply, starting to type.

“No!” Hyunjin tackled Jisung back onto the bed, trying to wrestle the phone out of his hand.

“You said you would text him!” Jisung held the phone away.

“Not send him a photo!” Hyunjin struggled to pull it out of his hands.

“Sent!” Jisung cried triumphantly.

Hyunjin groaned and flopped limply on the bed. Jisung sat up and beamed at his work.

“You shouldn’t have wrestled me. You sent him some gibberish.” Jisung showed him the screen.

Hyunjin snatched his phone back and whined again. Jisung had asked Changbin for his opinion. Hyunjin wanted to hid away and never show his face again.

“He likes it!” Jisung took the phone back and read his message. “He said he will pick you up an hour before.”

“I don’t want to go!” Hyunjin covered his face with his hands.

“Oh please!” Jisung smacked him lightly. “You’ll have so much fun! Especially with Changbin!”

“I’m not cut out for parties.” Hyunjin moaned tragically.

“You just need one to break you in!” Jisung handed back his phone and stood up.

“I regret this so much.” Hyunjin mumbled.

“You won’t after tomorrow night!” Jisung called as he left the room.

Hyunjin stared up at his ceiling.

“Hey! Come put my clothes back!”

Hyunjin was so anxious the next day that he typed out a message telling Changbin he had changed his mind at least five times. He reminded himself over and over that it was something he had to do. For Jisung, Changbin, but mostly himself. He couldn’t graduate without ever having gone to a social event. Changbin had said it would be chill. Surely, he would be fine.

It didn’t help that Jisung fussed over him excessively.

“You can’t not have a single accessory.” Jisung shook his head while looking through his drawer.

“I don’t need any!” Hyunjin checked his hair for the millionth time.

“Here. Wear this.” Jisung held up a necklace. Or it was really more of a simple chain. “I’ll let you borrow it and a few rings.”

“But I don’t need them…” Hyunjin still let him clasp the necklace around his neck.

“It ties the outfit together.” Jisung explained.

“You sound like mom.” Hyunjin rolled his eyes.

“Don’t hide it!” Jisung pulled the necklace back out after Hyunjin tucked it into his sweater.

“Don’t make me more stressed!” Hyunjin snapped.

“You’re the one making it hard!” Jisung shot back.

A knock on the door snapped them out of their bickering. Hyunjin seriously wanted to bail at the last minute but Jisung dragged him downstairs and he had no choice but to go.

Seeing Changbin when he opened the door made him feel so much worse. He promptly shut the door again and pressed his back against it.

“What are you doing?” Jisung tried to open the door again but Hyunjin kept it closed.

“I can’t go to a party with him!” Hyunjin hissed. “I was crazy to think-.”

“Stop it and open the door!” Jisung pulled him back and positioned him again.

Hyunjin opened the door again and smiled apologetically.

“Sorry about that.” he said awkwardly. “Um… should we go.”

“Yep.” Changbin didn’t seem phased. “Hey Jisung.”

Jisung waved from behind him as he grabbed his jacket and followed Changbin.

Changbin looked amazing. He had mastered the popular kid look. From his t-shirt and jacket, to the way his hair was styled. Hyunjin felt plain in comparison to him.

“You look nice.” Changbin said as they walked to his car.

“It was Jisung’s idea.” Hyunjin awkwardly fiddled with the rips in his jeans.

“Looks great.” Changbin opened the car door for him and Hyunjin ducked his head shyly. He couldn’t stop the anxious butterflies from having a war in his stomach.

His heart was racing for some reason. He couldn’t stop fiddling with the rips in his jeans and biting his lip.

“Relax.” Changbin stopped his hand. “It’s really chill. I promise.”

“Sorry.” Hyunjin swallowed.

“If we get there and you aren’t having fun then we can leave.” Changbin assured him. “It’s up to you.”

Hyunjin stared at him for a second.

“What?” he asked.

“You’re just not usually this nice.” Hyunjin said a little skeptically. “I feel like you’re going to pull a joke on me or something.”

“Oh please.” Changbin rolled his eyes. “I just want you to have a good time.”

“Okay…” Hyunjin faced front again.

He wanted to bail when Changbin parked the car. They had to walk a little ways up the street and Hyunjin wanted to turn around and go back. He didn’t though. He put on a brave face. Changbin strode along confidently so Hyunjin mirrored him.

He expected a crazy party like he saw in movies, with too many drunk teens and flashing lights, but it seemed chill like Changbin had said. The music was loud, and there was definitely alcohol but everyone seemed calm enough.

“Remember I said to relax.” Changbin murmured to him as they moved inside the house.

Hyunjin let out a slow breath and raised his head in an attempt to look confident.

“Changbin!” someone called for him and waved from across the room.

Hyunjin followed him to a little group of people in the corner of the room. They were some baseball players, and some people Hyunjin didn’t know.

“Hey guys, this is Hyunjin.” Changbin gestured to Hyunjin.

A chorus of greetings came from the group and Hyunjin nodded his greeting to each in turn. Changbin clapped him on the back.

“Who’s the DJ tonight?” Changbin asked.

The conversation began to eb and flow with Hyunjin listening quietly. It wasn’t bad just listening to them talk. He didn’t feel like he had anything important to interject but it was okay.

He was offered a few drinks which he declined and then the music cranked up a bit and people started to dance. Hyunjin just watched. It was mostly people moving around the main room to the music while talking. It wasn’t a bad atmosphere.

The evening seemed to pass really fast and slow at the same time. He still felt out of place and a little nervous, but not uncomfortably so.

Changbin flitted around while Hyunjin mostly stayed in one spot. The evening kept stretching on until Hyunjin was getting a little tired. He didn’t know the etiquette for how to leave a party.

Hyunjin jumped when he felt a hand press against his back but it was just Changbin.

He leaned close so he could be heard over the loud music.

“Whenever you want to go is up to you.” he said.

Hyunjin nodded and gestured to the door. He was starting to feel a little claustrophobic.

“How was it?” Changbin asked as they stepped into the chilly night air.

“It was… very different than I thought.” Hyunjin answered, wrapping his arms around himself.

“Wanna go get something to eat?” Changbin bumped against him by walking sideways. Hyunjin caught himself.

“It’s late though…” he replied.

“You don’t have a curfew, do you?” Changbin asked.

“I don’t think so.” Hyunjin answered.

“Then let’s go. I’m starving!” Changbin fished his keys out of his pocket.

When they got in the car, Changbin looked over at Hyunjin for a moment.

“It’s okay if we go get something to eat right?” he asked. “It’s up to you.”

Hyunjin nodded. All night things had been “up to him”. It was a little bit strange but mostly nice. He didn’t feel like he was being forced to do anything.

They stopped by the diner, but Changbin ran in and got their food while Hyunjin waited in the car. They drove to an outlook over the city and Changbin handed Hyunjin his food. Turns out he was starving too.

“Did you have a good time?” Changbin asked. “Really?”

Hyunjin nodded. Even though there were parts where he felt out of place, it wasn’t all bad. He felt good in the moment. It felt like a good end to the night.

“I didn’t want you to feel left out or anything.” Changbin explained. “I know they can get a little rowdy, but most of them are good people.”

Hyunjin smiled. Was Changbin… nervous?

“I had a good time.” Hyunjin assured him. “Really.”

Changbin looked relieved.

“It made me feel like more of an insider.” Hyunjin shrugged one shoulder. “I didn’t feel so isolated.”

“That’s good.” Changbin nodded enthusiastically.

“I’m glad Jisung forced me to come.” Hyunjin grinned.

“He’s a good kid.” Changbin replied.

“He is…” Hyunjin agreed. “He’s very different than me though. He would have been way more adventurous.”

“I thought you would only come if he convinced you.” Changbin nodded.

“You thought I wouldn’t come on my own?” Hyunjin frowned.

“Would you have?” Changbin reversed the question.

“Probably not.” Hyunjin admitted.

“I still think it’s good you came even if it was because of Jisung.” Changbin said thoughtfully. “I think you needed some time to be yourself.”

“Be myself?” Hyunjin laughed. “I just stood there the whole time!”

“Maybe that’s you.” Changbin shrugged. “It’s just… being whatever you want to be without anyone pressuring you.”

“Do you think people pressure me?” Hyunjin asked, wiping his hand on a napkin.

Changbin stared at him for a moment.

“Do you want me to be honest with you?” he asked.

“Of course but now you made me worried.” Hyunjin teased.

“I think your life is kind of wrapped up around Jisung.” Changbin said slowly. “Maybe it’s hard to recognize but that’s what I observe.”

Hyunjin listened quietly.

“It’s not a bad thing at all that you’re so close. But do you have your own life separate from him?”

Did he? Hyunjin thought about it. He could say he did, but it wasn’t much. He didn’t have much outside from studying or doing things for or with Jisung. He did things with Chan, but usually Jisung was there too.

Hyunjin looked down at his lap. This party was one of the first things he had done for himself in a long time.

“I’m sorry. Maybe that was too far.” Changbin tried to backtrack.

“No. You’re right.” Hyunjin smiled a little to show he wasn’t angry. “I haven’t taken much time for myself in… a while.”

Changbin stayed quiet, letting him talk.

“I think I tried to be a caretaker for him a little too much.” Hyunjin shared. He wasn’t entirely sure why he was sharing so much but he couldn’t stop. He needed to let some things out. “I stopped doing all of the things I used to do and… never really got that back.”

He paused. Once he said it out loud, it suddenly felt much more real. How long had it been since he did something that he was really passionate about?

“What’s something you used to do?” Changbin asked.

Hyunjin took a few moments to think.

“You’ll laugh at me.” he shook his head shyly.

“I won’t laugh!” Changbin nudged his shoulder. “Tell me!”

“I used to…” Hyunjin covered his face in embarrassment.

“Oh come on!” Changbin laughed.

“I used to, ya know, like to… garden.” Hyunjin was glad it was too dark for Changbin to see his cheeks heat up in a blush.

“Like raise plants?” Changbin confirmed. Hyunjin nodded.

“Why would I laugh at that?” Changbin raised his hands. “That’s pretty cool.”

“No it’s not.” Hyunjin shook his head.

“Yeah it is!” Changbin replied sternly. “I’ve seen all kinds of super weird, but super cool plants. Like those little cactuses that are red or yellow.”

“A succulent.” Hyunjin nodded.

“See!” Changbin pointed at him. “You even know its name! You should pursue it!”

“Succulents are a category…” Hyunjin corrected. “But I don’t know. It takes time…”

“You have time, don’t you?” Changbin argued. “If you can spend hours waiting for Jisung to sit through baseball practice, you can set some time aside for your plants.”

“I could try…” Hyunjin agreed a bit skeptically but he couldn’t argue that the idea made him feel excited inside. His brain had already taken off with the idea.

That’s what he had started to like about Changbin. He always made Hyunjin think of something new. He was very openminded and had many opinions. It was refreshing and interesting to talk to him.

When Hyunjin got home, he woke Jisung up just to talk to him. He was too excited to wait until the morning to share everything that had happened. They stayed up even later into the night, Hyunjin explaining everything in detail while Jisung tried not to nod off.

It wasn’t a smart idea to stay up so late because Hyunjin felt dead at school. He was tired and it was hard to focus, but he made it through.

He felt like a zombie when it was time to go. He waited for Jisung on the steps of the school, resting his chin in his hand.

“Hey.”

He was woken up to someone poking his shoulder. He had nodded off embarrassingly fast.

“Jisung said you knocked yourself out having too much fun yesterday.” Chan sat next to him, pulling his jacket closer around himself.

“That’s an exaggeration… but I’m so tired.” Hyunjin yawned.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were going out?” Chan nudged him with his elbow. “I would have gone to that party if I knew you would be there.”

“It just slipped my mind.” Hyunjin winced. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Chan shrugged. “Just don’t go replacing me!”

“I never could.” Hyunjin rolled his eyes. “I-.”

The words were knocked out of him as Jisung tackled him from behind.

Jisung laughed happily before hugging Chan as well.

“Why are you attacking me?” Hyunjin brushed off his jacket.

“Minho and I are friends again!” Jisung beamed at him.

“What?” Hyunjin gasped.

“I did what you said.” Jisung told Chan. The older boy gave him a high five.

What had Hyunjin missed out on?

“Let’s go home! I have a _ton_ of homework!” Jisung headed off towards their car.

“What did you tell him?” Hyunjin hissed, grabbing Chan’s arm as they followed Jisung.

“I just told him to talk it out with Minho and make sure they were both on good terms.” Chan shrugged.

“Why would you say that?” Hyunjin groaned.

“Oh come on Jinnie!” Chan slung his arm around his shoulders. “He’s really not that bad. Plus, they’re partners so they shouldn’t have any tension.”

“Oh go away you weirdo.” Hyunjin shoved him away but smiled.

Maybe it was because Hyunjin was so tired, but he felt grumpy about Jisung being friends with Minho again. He didn’t trust the older boy.

He had to sit through Jisung talking about him nonstop again.

“Minho told me the team is going to change their strategy for when they play the team on the east side of town.” Jisung chattered on as they ate dinner.

Hyunjin resisted rolling his eyes. Why was he so obsessed over Minho? He didn’t see the reasoning why.

“Did you know that Hyunjin?” Jisung directed the conversation to him.

“Yeah. Chan told me.” Hyunjin stabbed his vegetables with his fork. Chan hadn’t told him but he didn’t really care if he lied.

“Oh. Minho said he might play more.” Jisung shrugged.

“Why are you always talking about him?” Hyunjin set his fork down. “Why all of a sudden you’re friends again?”

“We talked to day and it was normal. We talk a lot.” Jisung replied. “With the club activities and all that…”

“Well it’s kind of annoying.” Hyunjin said even though he knew it was mean.

“Hyunjin.” their mom said, her voice tinged with surprise.

“It is.” Hyunjin shrugged and stared at his plate.

“Do you not like me talking about him?” Jisung asked curiously.

“It’s just-.” Hyunjin let out an angry puff of breath. “He’s not exactly known to be the nicest. He hasn’t been the nicest in the past.”

“He’s nice to me.” Jisung defended him.

“How do you even know?” Hyunjin shot back. “You just think he’s cool because he’s on the baseball team! He didn’t treat you well earlier!”

“Hyunjin, calm down.” his father said.

“Even if he’s good at pitching he’s nothing like Chan.” Hyunjin kept going. “Chan is actually nice and doesn’t act all high and mighty.”

“Why are you comparing him to Chan?” Jisung frowned.

“I’m just warning you that he’s not really your friend.” Hyunjin replied. “He’s not friends with anyone.”

“Hyunjin, that’s enough.” his father shut down the conversation.

Hyunjin shot a pointed glare at a surprised Jisung for a moment and then went back to stabbing his food in frustration.

The rest of dinner was awkward and Hyunjin knew his mom would bother him about it later. Sometimes he thought they babied Jisung too much. They went along with whatever he said and then Hyunjin had to be the bad guy whenever he raised a challenge.

He sulked about it just a little while he was studying and before he went to bed. Minho wasn’t that great but Jisung acted like he hung the stars. He was a little bothered that Jisung had let him be his friend again after Minho had made him cry. Hyunjin worried Jisung would be let down by the older boy again.

A soft knock came on his door a little later in the evening.

Jisung came in, a shy look on his face. Hyunjin looked up from where he was reading in his bed.

“You were right.” Jisung rubbed his elbow awkwardly. “He’s not my friend.”

Hyunjin sat up a little bit.

“I’m sorry for talking about him so much.” Jisung mumbled. “I won’t do it anymore.”

All the frustration bled out of Hyunjin and he just felt bad. Deep down he didn’t mean to make Jisung feel bad. He hated seeing the younger boy be hurt.

“Oh… Jisung- I’m sorry. I wasn’t very nice.” Hyunjin apologized.

“You were just telling me the truth.” Jisung avoided his gaze. “I know he won’t want to be friends with me.”

“Why not?” Hyunjin frowned.

“Because I’m…me.” Jisung said sadly. “There’s nothing special about me.”

“What are you talking about?” Hyunjin sat up fully and motioned him over. “You’re the most special person I know!”

“No I’m not.” Jisung sat down next to him. Hyunjin wrapped his arm around his shoulders.

“Stop.” Hyunjin shook his head. “You are really the most amazing person I have ever met. Don’t say that.”

Jisung stared down at his lap, still looking sad.

“I only meant to be careful because you don’t know him very well.” Hyunjin amended. “Not many people do even though he’s basically our school’s star.”

“Exactly.” Jisung sighed. “I’m nothing special. He is probably only friends with the cool people.”

“Hey, don’t think like that!” Hyunjin shook his head. “The cool people aren’t all that. I promise. I mean- Chan is just regular, right?”

“Chan is cool.” Jisung frowned.

“Okay, yeah. You get what I mean.” Hyunjin rolled his eyes. “You don’t have to be special or cool for someone to like you. Just be you.”

“You’re very confusing.” Jisung looked at him.

“I know.” Hyunjin smiled. “But I’m also your older brother so I can tell you that you are definitely friend material.”

“I guess…” Jisung pouted at him, knowing it melted Hyunjin’s heart.

“Don’t do that to me!” Hyunjin pretended to cover Jisung’s face with his hand. “Even I’m weak for your puppy dog eyes.”

Jisung laughed and hugged him.

“Thank you.” he said as he squeezed Hyunjin tightly.

“Now you need to sleep.” Hyunjin gently rumpled his hair. “You have an appointment tomorrow.”

“Don’t remind me.” Jisung groaned and pressed his face against Hyunjin’s shoulder.

“Sleep!” Hyunjin gently detached him and sent him to his room with a gentle pat.

In the morning, Hyunjin woke up to Jisung hitting him with his pillow.

“Go away…” Hyunjin groaned, rolling over.

“You have to get up.” Jisung hit him again.

“It’s the weekend, let me sleep in.” Hyunjin caught the pillow and snuggled it to his chest.

“You said you would catch with me.” Jisung whined, draping himself over Hyunjin.

Hyunjin pushed him off with a hand to his chest.

“I’m tired. Leave me alone.” he grumbled.

“You’re no fun.” Jisung huffed but left the room.

When Hyunjin finally got up and came downstairs, Jisung was sitting at the kitchen table, gloomily eating a piece of toast.

“Stop pouting.” Hyunjin rumpled his hair as he walked by. “I’ll throw to you after breakfast.”

Jisung glared at him and patted his hair back down.

Hyunjin took a bowl from the cupboard but stopped when he noticed some paperwork on the counter. He inspected it with a frown.

“What’s this?” he asked, holding it up to Jisung.

“My latest test.” Jisung sighed. “Bloodwork, a scan…”

“What does this mean?” Hyunjin brought it over to him and showed him what was making him confused.

“Oh…” Jisung rested his chin in his hand. “They are considering putting me back on maintenance chemotherapy.”

“Isn’t that your choice?” Hyunjin frowned down at the paperwork.

“Yeah.” Jisung let out a tired breath. “I think it’s the safest bet. I just wish I didn’t have to do it.”

“But maintenance chemo shouldn’t make you feel worse, right?” Hyunjin asked.

“I don’t think so.” Jisung shook his head. “I just don’t want to take more medicine. Do you know how many vitamins and supplements mom makes me take?!”

Hyunjin gave him a sad smile and rubbed his back.

“Sorry Ji. It kind of sucks.” he winced.

“It’s a little expensive too…” Jisung pushed the paperwork aside.

“Don’t think about that.” Hyunjin waved him away. It wasn’t Jisung’s burden to worry about the financial aspect.

“Hey, let’s go play catch.” Hyunjin tried to distract him. “Go get your glove.”

“Okay.” Jisung’s face cleared and he got up to get his things.

Hyunjin looked at the paper once more before setting it aside. They would be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was it? I really liked this chapter but I am so down for suggestions or feedback! This chapter did stretch on long, but the next chapter from Hyunjin's POV will really ramp up Changjin because their relationship is just so sweet hehe! (Sorry for being sappy today lol) Enjoy!


	4. Minho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Little bit of suffering in this chapter but then the last scene is my favorite moment so far. It's too heartbreaking in the best way. I don't really know what to say for this one... I've been feeling kind of down recently so if you have the time, any encouragement would be appreciated <3

When Minho was younger, he had loved to paint. His mom was an artist. A painter. Even at five years old, he sat on a tarp by his mother in her converted garage studio and smeared paint onto spare canvases with a brush, and sometimes his fingers.

He loved painting time with his mother. He continued to paint with her even as he grew. Sometimes he would get frustrated if he made a mistake. His mother would cover his eyes with her hand and tell him to look at his mistake with new eyes. She always told him to move past his mistakes.

When she left, Minho wished he could determine what part of him was a mistake, since she was moving on. He thought she would stay and continue to look at their life in a new light, but she moved on fully.

He didn’t paint again. The garage was closed off. The room they had made her temporary “space” room was never opened. Minho only ventured into it sometimes.

He had made a promise with himself that he would never let himself be a mistake to someone ever again. He would never put himself in the position to be left behind again.

He thought he could continue on forever like that, but he found himself slipping. Every day he fell a bit further into Jisung’s smile. The first time seeing him after the incident at the batting cages was a bit awkward.

Jisung had apologized to the point of tears, making Minho panic a little and tell him everything was fine. Jisung told him he was sorry for not telling him he was in remission, through Minho also assured him it was fine. It wasn’t something Minho needed to intrude on.

He asked Minho to be friends with him again and Minho agreed. It felt like he was in elementary school again, but this time he knew the gravity of what accepting a friendship meant.

It was okay. For now, it was okay. They fell back into a rhythm and Minho didn’t feel guilty or uncomfortable anymore.

Minho spent most of his time practicing. He knew that a sports scholarship was his only chance at getting into a university. His only problem was Chan. He was the biggest obstacle in Minho’s way.

Chan had just as good a chance of getting the scholarship as Minho did. That’s what made him so dangerous. Minho had to beat him. But it was hard.

“Minho! Come here.” Chan waved Minho over as he came onto the field for practice.

There was someone with Chan. Someone he had never seen before.

“Minho. Meet Seungmin.” Chan gestured to the boy standing next to him when Minho joined them.

“Nice to meet you.” The boy bowed his head to Minho politely. Minho returned the gesture.

“Seungmin is our new pitcher.” Chan placed his hand on Seungmin’s shoulder.

Minho was surprised. It was common to have a few relief pitchers, but not common to bring in another pitcher a little after the season had started.

“He’s a little late to the team.” Chan said as if he read his mind. “He’s an excellent pitcher though and will improve by the time he’s ready to be in my position.”

Chan was just teasing but Seungmin flushed and looked down shyly. He looked like he was first or second year which meant he had time to grow into the team. Minho relaxed a little, realizing he wasn’t a threat.

“Your job…” Chan pointed at Minho. “Is to help him out by letting him shadow you.”

Minho nodded. That was doable.

“He’ll share your one on one coaching sessions with coach.” Chan continued.

Minho didn’t like that as much. He would have to share his time with Seungmin? That wasn’t that great.

He didn’t talk to Seungmin as they warmed up. The coach approached them and talked to Seungmin separately for a little bit before they started practice. The team split off and worked separately for a bit.

The coach asked Seungmin to go through some of his pitches while Minho waited on the side.

“Have you developed your slider yet?” the coach asked.

“Yes.” Seungmin nodded and returned to the mound. Minho frowned.

The slider was a pitch Minho had slowly developed in the past few years, but he tended to limit its use as much as possible so as not to strain his arm.

It was fairly hard to be consistent on the pitch so Seungmin would need to be confident in his abilities for coach to let him use it. Especially in a game.

Seungmin threw the first and it was strong, a little off in his aim but not bad at all. The second was also fair and the third was almost perfect. Minho felt a little jealousy.

“Excellent.” the coach nodded his approval. “You seem solid on your slider. Take note Minho.”

It was a little hard for Minho to accept that Seungmin seemed to have a well-developed slider, possibly more so than himself, but he nodded.

Seungmin may not be at his level, but he was definitely farther along than Minho was at his age. For some reason it made Minho feel a little unsettled.

He was moody about it to Jisung at lunch the next day. Jisung had started to join him and Jeongin at lunch.

“Feels like overkill having three pitchers.” Minho grumbled.

“Actually, most professional teams have-.” Jisung started.

“I know, I know.” Minho cut him off. “It’s just annoying.”

“Seungmin is nice though.” Jeongin spoke up.

“How would you know?” Minho frowned.

“I was talking to him about joining the photography club.” Jeongin replied. “He seemed interested and polite.”

“Well great, now I’ll be in the same club as him.” Minho huffed.

“Oh really…” Jisung rolled his eyes. “You’re my partner!”

“Whatever.” Minho mumbled.

“Speaking of partners… we need to finish our nature series.” Jisung reminded him. “I was thinking we could take pictures at the lake.”

“The lake is good for scenic photos.” Jeongin agreed.

“Alright.” Minho sighed. “Wanna go later today?”

“Yep!” Jisung nodded happily. “I’ll let Hyunjin know!”

Minho was almost surprised that Hyunjin let Jisung go with him, but Jisung joined him after school like planned. They drove to the frozen lake and planned out where they would shoot.

They wandered around the edge for a bit before venturing onto the ice.

“Careful on that side.” Minho warned as Jisung headed towards the bridge nearby. “The ice is kinda thin.”

“I’m light!” Jisung waved him away. “Take the picture!”

Minho snapped a few and had Jisung move to the right a little to take some more.

“Maybe if we go more towards the bridge then we can get it in the background.” Jisung suggested, walking towards Minho.

He was just a few feet away when the ice snapped underneath his feet. Both of them gasped even though they were in the shallow part of the lake.

Minho couldn’t help himself. He started laughing at Jisung. He had broken through the ice and was waist deep in lake water.

“It’s cold!” Jisung shrieked, immediately trying to pull himself out.

Minho sat down on the ice and laughed until tears rolled down his face.

“Minho!” Jisung stood over him, dripping.

“I’m sorry!” Minho gasped for breath. “I can’t believe you actually fell through!”

“It’s not funny!” Jisung clenched his hands into fists.

Minho stood and patted his shoulder.

“Let’s get to the car.” he turned more serious. “You’re like a wet puppy.”

Jisung hit him none too lightly on the shoulder.

“An angry wet puppy.” Minho corrected and grabbed his arm to pull him along.

As soon as they were in the car, Minho blasted the heater and gave Jisung a blanket to wrap around himself. He was full body shivering so Minho decided it was smartest to take him straight to his house to get a change of clothes.

“I really hate you.” Jisung grumbled petulantly when they got to his house.

“I didn’t make you fall!” Minho defended himself. “You’re the one who wanted to go out on the thin ice!”

“But you laughed at me!” Jisung huffed.

“You should shower.” Minho observed him, shivering and dripping a little wet spot on his carpet.

He made sure the water was warm before grabbing Jisung a towel and telling him to get in.

“Still angry you laughed at me.” Jisung glared at him as he shut the door.

Minho chuckled softly. He had all the intimidation of a bunny.

He dug through his clothes and found a pair of sweatpants that were a little small on him. He just grabbed his warmest sweatshirt, the size not mattering. He tossed both in the dryer for a minute and then set them on the bathroom counter for Jisung when he was done.

He retrieved Jisung’s wet clothes and threw them in the washer so they could be clean and dry by the time he had to go home.

“Wow… you’re really tiny.” Minho laughed when Jisung came out of the bathroom.

“Hey!” Jisung gasped in shock.

He did look especially small with Minho’s baggy sweatpants and his oversized sweater. His offended pout just made him look smaller.

“Pocket-sized.” Minho teased.

Jisung smacked him with his sweater paw.

“Feel better?” Minho laughed and left him alone.

“Mm hm.” Jisung nodded. “Warm.”

“I didn’t want to deliver a Jisung ice cube to Hyunjin.” Minho lay stomach down on his bed.

“He would be really mad.” Jisung giggled and flopped next to him.

Minho pulled out his phone so they could check the latest baseball scores. Jisung pressed his shoulder to Minho’s.

Minho turned his head and sniffed him.

“What?” Jisung drew away slightly.

“It’s weird you smell like me.” Minho wrinkled his nose.

Jisung pressed Minho’s sweater to his nose to smell it.

“I meant my shampoo.” Minho flicked him lightly in the head. “Yours smells different.”

“You pay attention to those things?” Jisung looked surprised.

“I guess…” Minho shrugged. “Jeongin uses peach shampoo, or conditioner, I can’t tell. You and Hyunjin use apple.”

“What?” Jisung gasped. “What other things do you notice?”

“I don’t know… everything?” Minho shrugged.

“Like what?” Jisung looked intrigued.

“Let’s see… Jeongin has a nervous habit of biting his lip. You chew your pencil, and Hyunjin starts to frown really hard.” Minho listed of some habits. “When Changbin is excited, he gets jittery fingers. Chan talks louder… those kinds of things.”

“You have telepathy.” Jisung said seriously.

“Oh stop.” Minho rolled his eyes.

“You do!” Jisung insisted and sat up on his knees.

“It’s called being observant.” Minho corrected him.

“Quick! What am I thinking?” Jisung pressed his fingers against his temples.

“You’re thinking you’re crazy.” Minho deadpanned.

“Come on!” Jisung whined. “Guess what I’m thinking!”

“Let’s see…” Minho decided to play along. “You’re still mad at me for laughing at you.”

“Maybe.” Jisung mumbled and settled back down next to him.

Minho held back a smile at Jisung’s antics.

“Where’s your mom?” Jisung asked. “Or your dad? Do they both work?”

“Dad is at work. He works late and… I don’t have a mom.” The warm feeling in Minho’s chest dissolved and the familiar uncomfortable void filled the space.

“Oh… I’m sorry.” Jisung’s voice dropped. “Did she… die?”

“No.” Minho responded a little tersely. “She just left.”

Jisung didn’t reply. After a moment, he turned his head to sneak a glance at Minho. It made him feel uncomfortable. People always looked at him differently once they knew.

It made him want to run away and hide.

“Maybe I should take you home now.” Minho blurted out, turning off his phone and sliding off the bed. “I’ll get your clothes.”

“Wait-.” Jisung sat up as well but Minho left the room quickly.

Minho never seemed to feel sad when people talked about his mom. He always felt a horrible feeling of self-loathing. It clawed its way up from the bottom of his heart and spread darkly through his whole body. Branding him insufficient.

“Minho?” Jisung hesitated in the doorway of the laundry room.

“You can wear my clothes home since yours are still wet.” Minho replied, pulling the damp clothes out of the washer.

“Did I do something wrong?” Jisung asked quietly.

Minho closed the washer with a snap.

“Let’s work on our project another time.” Minho turned to Jisung with a blank expression.

Jisung’s shoulders dropped and he got that sad look in his eyes that Minho hated.

“You’re mad at me…” Jisung said softly.

“I’m not mad.” Minho shook his head and dumped Jisung’s clothes in a bag.

“Then why-.” Jisung bit his lip. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” For some reason it struck a nerve in Minho. He hated apologies. They were so empty and did nothing to resolve a situation.

“I did something wrong and I made you angry with me.” Jisung continued.

“I said I’m not angry!” he raised his tone which invalidated his words.

Jisung didn’t try to speak again. He just stood there watching Minho with worried eyes. All the teasing playfulness was gone between them. Only a tense confusion was left.

“Just take a hint Jisung.” Minho ran his hand through his hair. “I’m not in the mood anymore so just leave it be.”

“I just wanted to know if I did something wrong so I could fix it-.” Jisung answered.

“It’s not all about you!” Minho snapped. “Maybe I’m the one who just needs space!”

“I can be quiet.” Jisung attempted.

“Stop arguing!” Minho raised his voice more than he should of.

Jisung stayed still, looking shocked that Minho would yell at him. Minho closed his eyes for a moment, feeling the situation get out of hand and it was all his fault. Again.

“Get in the car.” he muttered, brushing past Jisung. “I’ll take you home.”

The drive to Jisung’s house was tense and Minho was on edge. He felt like he had been rubbed raw, painfully sensitive and sore. He didn’t mean to lash out at Jisung. It wasn’t his fault. The heat of the moment just got to him.

It was strange to have Jisung sitting next to him so silently. It was like a divide had spread between them that couldn’t be crossed.

When they pulled up to Jisung’s house, Minho handed him his bag of damp clothes. Jisung took them wordlessly but his body language communicated he still felt bad. Minho waited for him to get out of the car.

Jisung looked at him and opened his mouth. For a moment, Minho tensed, sure that he was going to say something. He couldn’t handle any more words that would make him feel like a terrible person.

Instead, Jisung suddenly leaned forward and hugged him as best he could given their positions. He pressed his chin against Minho’s shoulder for a brief moment and his hand lightly pressed to his waist.

No words were said. No more words to lodge like glass in Minho’s heart. Just a brief warm embrace that was gone too soon.

Minho didn’t reciprocate. He didn’t say goodbye. He just stared blankly out the front windshield as Jisung made his way up his walkway.

He left behind a warm space that would quickly become cold. Minho blinked back tears as he drove off. It was his fault again. He had driven away the one person that made him feel warm again.

He couldn’t stop thinking about how harsh he had been to Jisung, making him toss and turn almost all night. He woke up feeling drained and emotionally tired.

He felt half dead at school the next day. Especially when he saw Jisung at the club meeting.

They sat silently for a while until Jisung had the bravery to speak up.

“Do you want to compile our photos today?” Jisung asked timidly. “We can do it at my house.”

“No.” Minho replied but realized it sounded too harsh. “I’m… busy.”

“Oh…” Jisung nodded and looked down at his work again.

“I’ll just work on it separately and send you what I have.” Minho began to pack up his things before they had even gotten through half of the club meeting. He was done.

“We’re supposed to do it together.”

Minho looked at Jisung, a little surprised he was being assertive.

They stared each other down for a moment before Jisung dropped his gaze again. Minho shrugged his backpack onto his shoulder and left the room, a lingering feeling of guilt trailing after him.

He couldn’t shake it during practice either. He prepared for pitching lessons with a heavy heart.

It made him a little brusquer with Seungmin when he approached.

“Minho?” Seungmin asked tentatively.

“Hm.” Minho hummed, not turning around from gathering his glove from his bag.

“I was wondering if I could leave a bit early on Monday.” he said. “It’s my mom’s birthday.”

Minho stilled. His glove dangling from his hand.

“Minho?” Seungmin asked when he didn’t reply.

“What?” Minho grunted, pulling his glove on.

“Could I get off practice early on Monday?” he repeated. “It’s my mom’s birthday and we were going out as a family.”

“Don’t ask me. Ask Chan.” Minho said dismissively.

He wondered what it was like to have a mom to do things with. It had been so long he almost forgot what it had been like.

It dampened his mood during practice even more and made him a little more snappy than usual. By the end of practice he felt drained.

He really didn’t think his day could get any worse until he headed into the locker rooms to shower. Once he was done, he changed and grabbed his practice clothes but stopped as he heard voices in the connected changing rooms.

“Is he always in such a bad mood?” it was Seungmin speaking.

“Pretty much. That’s Minho for you.” another teammate laughed in response.

“No wonder he’s not close to anyone on the team.” Seungmin observed. “Training with him is kind of awkward.”

Minho bit his lip and drew back slightly. Was that how his team viewed him? In a bad mood all the time? Disagreeable and an outsider?

“Chan told me to just ride with it when he gets heated.”

Minho winced. That hurt. The fact that Chan would speak about him to the other team members was a hard pill to swallow.

He looked down at his hands. Yet again he had managed to push people away. His own teammates.

He didn’t want to stay there any longer so he adjusted his bag on his shoulder and headed out through the changing rooms. He kept his expression unreadable as he passed Seungmin and his other teammate. Seungmin glanced at him momentarily before turning away. The silence was another blow to Minho’s pride.

It shouldn’t bother him but it did. It ached deep down as Minho drove home. The emptiness inside him felt like it was carved out with ice. It was cold and painful against his warm, sensitive heart.

He wanted a relief. He could only think about release, so he turned his car around only a block away from his house. He needed to cut off the guilt and hurt that settled deep inside him.

He stood on Jisung’s doorstep, hoping he would be home.

Jisung opened the door a minute after his knocking, face written with surprise. Minho’s heart cried a little seeing he was wearing Minho’s sweater he had never gotten back.

“I need to talk to you for a minute.” Minho said curtly.

Jisung’s cheeks flushed, maybe because he was caught wearing Minho’s sweater. He stepped onto the porch in his socks and closed the door behind him.

Minho’s heart was doing painful jerks in his chest, yanking him back and forth until he didn’t know what he wanted anymore. He pulled his hands out of his pockets and took a deep breath, trying to find words.

“A-Are you okay?” Jisung crossed his arms over his chest and frowned at Minho.

Minho shook his head before he could stop himself. He was afraid that if he spoke, all of the hurt words and emotions would come tumbling out. But he had to do it. He had to end it and save himself from the pain.

He reached forward and Jisung flinched back slightly but didn’t move away.

He cupped Jisung’s face in his hands, aware that his fingers were chilly, but desperate to feel his warmth. Jisung blinked up at him with his clear chocolate eyes that made Minho want to cry for some reason.

“I’m such a bad person.” Minho breathed out. “I’m so terrible to you.”

Jisung eyebrows drew down in confusion.

“All I do is hurt you, over and over again.” Minho continued to speak past the lump in his throat. “It’s so wrong.”

Jisung’s hand drifted up to rest on Minho’s wrist but he didn’t pull his hand away.

“I need your help Jisung.” Minho hated how desperate he sounded.

Jisung stared back at him, hanging on every word.

“Please push me away.” he whispered. “Please push me away and tell me you never want to see me again. Tell me you’re done. That it’s over.”

“Minho- why…” Jisung frowned deeper.

“Please Jisung.” Minho practically begged him. “Please… I don’t want this to be my fault.”

It was selfish. Minho knew, but he was too lost to know how to do it right. If Jisung pushed him away then he wouldn’t feel as guilty. He wouldn’t stay awake at night feeling like a bad person. It would be Jisung’s choice, not his.

He grabbed Jisung’s hand with his own and guided it to his chest.

“Push me away and say you never want to see me again.” he swallowed hard.

A moment of tense silence passed between them and then Jisung’s hand applied a little more pressure. Minho’s heart dropped but it was what he wanted. If Jisung could shut him out on his own then he wouldn’t have so many lingering feelings.

He should have known Jisung wasn’t that way. Jisung’s fingers curled in his sweater and pulled him closer. Minho resisted slightly, but Jisung took a step forward and wrapped his arms around him securely.

“I don’t want this.” Minho choked out, his vision blurring.

His hands lightly gripped Jisung’s arms to push him away, but he didn’t.

“I want this.” Jisung murmured, pulling him a little closer.

Minho let out a breath and tilted his head towards the sky, trying to blink away his tears.

“Don’t hurt yourself over me.” Jisung said softly. “You don’t have to.”

“I’m not a good person.” Minho replied waveringly. “I don’t deserve to have you.”

Jisung drew back and reversed their positions. This time he framed Minho’s face with gentle touches, wiping away the tears that slipped down.

“You’re good enough for me and that’s all that matters.” Jisung replied. “ _I’m_ the one who doesn’t deserve you.”

Minho let out a tearful huff.

“What are you talking about? I’m awful.” Minho sniffled.

“No you’re not.” Jisung shook his head. “You’re not at all!”

Minho sucked in a few short breaths, trying to regain his sense of purpose for coming.

“I’ll never let you push me away again.” Jisung said firmly. “Just like I’ll never push you away.”

“That’s not fair to you.” Minho murmured.

“Life’s never been fair to me.” Jisung smiled. “Maybe that’s why it gave me you.”

“You’re terrible you know that?” Minho broke into a tear-soaked smile and wrapped his arms around Jisung, crushing him in a hug.

“I know.” Jisung grinned against him.

Minho still felt unstable and hurt, sensitive and confused, but he didn’t feel as empty anymore. He soaked up every warm word, touch, and smile Jisung gave him. He held on desperately to the promise Jisung offered to him.

He had been wrong all along. He was wrong for trying to shut out one of the few people who actually wanted to hold tight.

He melted against Jisung, probably letting his weight rest on him too much, but he couldn’t stay strong on his own.

“You’re the only person who cares about me.” he sobbed, clutching the smaller boy closer.

Again, he knew it was wrong. It wasn’t fair to put that burden on Jisung, but he was so vulnerable in the moment and he wanted someone to carry his pain with him.

“No one else wants me!” he pressed his face against Jisung’s shoulder.

Jisung rubbed his back gently. No words were spoken. They probably wouldn’t be able to do much damage against the monster of hurt residing in Minho.

“I’m so… sorry.”

Minho never apologized. He hated apologies because they never felt sufficient. But an apology was all he could offer Jisung for holding his heart in his hands and not breaking it.

“You’re forgiven.” Jisung murmured, bringing his hand up to rest on the back of his neck.

It was such a steadying touch. Minho wondered where he had learned it. Probably Hyunjin. He was the same age as Minho but seemed ages wiser and more centered. For all of Minho’s posturing and his tough guy act, he was hopelessly lost deep down.

He just needed a center point to ground him and draw him back into focus. Maybe Jisung was that center point. A presence that Minho didn’t know he needed until then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone has a good day/evening/night! Much love! -Soojin


	5. Hyunjin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome Felix to the story! He will be super super important even though he's only in this chapter for a moment. This chapter is just major Changjin! We are slowly getting there but I do have a chapter number for this work! It will be no longer than 15 chapters! I am so excited with what I've written ahead! I hope you all do too!

Hyunjin had only one fairly prominent scar. It was on his right hip. He remembered the day he got it perfectly clearly. It was a day that Jisung was staying in the hospital for the first time for multiple nights in a row. He had started cancer treatments two weeks previously.

Hyunjin had come home from school, dropped off by a family friend, while Jisung and his parents were at the hospital. He had slipped coming up the back steps and banged his hip against the corner of the stair as he went down.

He had panicked at the frightening looking gash that soaked blood into his jeans and he immediately wanted to call his mom, but he didn’t. He took care of it himself as best he could and tried not to panic too much.

After he had bandaged up his cut as well as he could, there was an unexpected knock on the door. The friend that had brought him home from school had doubled back to take him to the hospital because Jisung wasn’t doing well.

He had differentiation syndrome which caused frightening changes in his body. Hyunjin had a hard time watching him struggle to breath in the hospital bed as fluid built up around his heart and lungs.

He chose to sit outside while the nurses tended to him. As he was sitting in the hall, a nurse approached him and pointed out that he was bleeding. His cut had bled through the bandage and his shirt and no one had noticed.

The nurse brought him to an empty room and patched him up more efficiently. She had told him that she knew what it was like to have a family member be suffering. She told him that it was okay to take time in taking care of himself.

What stuck with Hyunjin the most was when she told him that even though things were hard in the moment, he would hopefully be able to look back and only feel grateful.

Hyunjin traced his faint scar as he pulled on a sweater. He was grateful. He was so grateful that all the time spent doing treatments and being in the hospital gave him his brother back.

As soon as he was done dressing, he went to find Jisung. He hugged him from behind as he sat at his desk in his room.

“Happy birthday weirdo.” he said in a singsong voice in Jisung’s ear.

“You’re heavy! Get off!” Jisung pretended to put up a fight.

“You’re stuck with me all day.” Hyunjin detached from him and sat on his bed.

“What a great present.” Jisung rolled his eyes.

“Hey!” Hyunjin gasped. “I had so many things planned but I guess we don’t have to do them…”

“Okay, like what?” Jisung turned to him.

“I’ll give you a better present and leave you alone.” Hyunjin shrugged and stood up to leave the room.

“No!” Jisung whined, grabbing his arm. “I take it back! It was a joke!”

Hyunjin gave up his teasing and sat back down.

“Okay what’s the plan.” Jisung sat with his hands in his lap, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

“First, breakfast.” Hyunjin said. “Then we can play some catch outside.”

Jisung nodded excitedly. He was easy to please.

“After that I thought Chan could come over and we could watch that scary movie you’ve been dying to see.” Hyunjin grinned a little at that. “Lastly, ice cream at the diner.”

Jisung jumped up and gave Hyunjin a tight hug.

“Thank you! It’s perfect!” he thanked Hyunjin.

It honestly wasn’t much but Jisung had always been easy when it came to birthdays. He was happy go lucky in general.

“Mom made you something fancy for breakfast.” Hyunjin told him. “Better go down there before she comes to find us.”

“I just have one request.” Jisung drew back and clasped his hands together.

Hyunjin nodded for him to continue.

“Can Minho please come over too?” he paired his request with his best puppy dog eyes.

“You’re friends again?” Hyunjin said with an unimpressed look.

“Yes! We’re good again.” Jisung confirmed.

“He can come.” Hyunjin nodded. It was his birthday after all.

Jisung thanked him again and headed downstairs.

Once Hyunjin and him had played catch for a while, Chan came over. Minho arrived shortly after him.

They gathered in the living room to watch a movie but got sidetracked by looking at photo albums their mom kept around.

“What is this?” Chan gasped and pointed to a photo.

“Hyunjin when he cried because his ice cream fell.” Jisung smirked.

“I was like, five!” Hyunjin explained.

He set down some drinks for the movie and grabbed some extra blankets.

“I remember this.” Chan pointed out another photo.

“Ah! That’s so embarrassing!” Jisung gasped and tried to cover it.

“What?!” Chan laughed. “It’s just you with no hair!”

“Exactly!” Jisung gave up covering the photo and covered Minho’s eyes instead. “Minho doesn’t need to see that.”

“So what if you don’t have hair then.” Minho pulled his hand away. “You’re still the same Jisung.”

A shy smile crept onto Jisung’s face and he didn’t comment further.

“You’re cute.” Minho said, tilting his head at the photo.

Chan looked at Minho in surprise and then gave Hyunjin “the look”. The look that meant he was out of the loop somehow. Hyunjin just shrugged and shook his head. Who knew anymore?

“Ready to start the movie?” Hyunjin interrupted.

“Yes!” Jisung set the photobook aside. “It’s my first scary movie!”

Chan laughed and teased him about it a little.

Hyunjin expected Jisung to cuddle up to Chan or himself, but instead he sat next to Minho. It didn’t bother him. It was just surprising.

Jisung had always been a scaredy cat. He jumped at the slightest scare in the movie, clinging to Minho’s arm.

Hyunjin had more fun watching Jisung react to the movie than the movie itself. When everyone left, Jisung trailed Hyunjin, afraid to go upstairs on his own.

“Did you have a good birthday?” Hyunjin asked as he brushed his teeth.

“Yes it was-.” Jisung shoved him aside so he could rinse his mouth out. “Awesome.”

“Good.” Hyunjin replied, smacking him with a towel as he hogged the sink.

“Thanks for making it special.” Jisung grinned at him.

“You’re welcome. Now make _my_ day special and get out of the bathroom so I can wash my face.” Hyunjin nudged him away.

Jisung laughed and left the room. Hyunjin smiled. He was glad Jisung had a good day.

The next day was a Saturday. Changbin had called him over to study together. It was the first time he had gone to one of his student’s houses but it felt different because it was Changbin.

He had a big test coming up and wanted Hyunjin to drill him extra hard to practice.

“Hi.” Hyunjin clutched his books to his chest awkwardly when Changbin opened the door.

“Hey!” Changbin replied enthusiastically.

Hyunjin felt a little better at how comfortable he seemed.

“Just kick your shoes off at the door.” Changbin gestured to the shoes by the door and Hyunjin did what he said.

“Do you want something to drink?” Changbin asked, padding to the kitchen.

“Uh… I’m okay.” Hyunjin declined.

“Oh hey.” Changbin nodded to the boy who came down the stairs.

Hyunjin froze a little. He didn’t remember Changbin having a brother.

“Hyunjin, this is Felix.” Changbin motioned to the boy.

“Hello…” the boy bowed to Hyunjin politely. He had on their school uniform but Hyunjin didn’t recognize him.

“Nice to meet you…” Hyunjin replied awkwardly.

Felix nodded and headed into the kitchen, reaching around Changbin to grab a glass as well.

“You don’t know Hyunjin?” Changbin asked. “He’s a tutor as well.”

“Oh…” Felix frowned slightly. “I haven’t gotten to know many people yet.”

“Oh yeah, Felix is new to school.” Changbin told Hyunjin. “Since he just moved here.”

Hyunjin nodded.

“What grade are you?” he asked, trying to make an effort.

Felix turned towards him but looked confused.

“I’m sorry.” he blushed a little. “Can you repeat?”

He tucked his hair behind his ear and Hyunjin noticed a little device nestled underneath. Hyunjin had seen hearing aids a few times but never on someone so young.

“He asked what grade you were in.” Changbin supplied helpfully.

“I’m a grade below you two.” Felix replied, smiling shyly.

“You’re in the same grade as my little brother.” Hyunjin nodded, speaking up a little. “He’s a year younger than me.”

“That’s cool.” Felix nodded. “I just transferred so I don’t know many people yet, but I hope to meet him.”

Hyunjin thought Felix was very polite. He waved goodbye to him as Changbin and him headed upstairs to his room.

His room was not what Hyunjin expected. The room looked like a bomb had exploded with half pastel pink and blue and half black and grey.

There was baseball gear pushed into the corner and a guitar perched haphazardly nearby. Next to the other bed were heels lying abandoned half under the bed and a pink robe across the desk chair.

“My sister’s things.” Changbin waved towards the more feminine side of the room.

“Oh…” Hyunjin sat gingerly on Changbin’s bed. He pulled a plushie from under his leg and moved to place it on Changbin’s sister’s bed.

“That’s mine.” Changbin held his hand out for it.

“Sorry.” Hyunjin quickly returned it to him.

“Since my sister took over the desk… we can sit on the floor.” Changbin shrugged, not fazed by the state of the tiny room.

“Is it hard to share a room?” Hyunjin asked hesitantly, sitting on the floor.

“Eh…” Changbin shrugged. “I get along with my sis pretty well, but the sudden move was kind of stressful.”

“Move?” Hyunjin inquired.

“She gave up her room for Felix.” Changbin said. “He’s living with us.”

“Why?” Hyunjin blurted out, a little confused about his presence.

“Our moms are friends, go way back or something.” Changbin waved his hand. “They’re kind of having rough times right now so my mom offered to help them out.”

Hyunjin nodded slowly, understanding the situation a little better.

“Why didn’t you and Felix share a room?” he asked curiously.

“We only have three bedrooms.” Changbin explained. “Felix and his mom share a room and my sister and I share this one. It works best this way.”

“I understand.” Hyunjin murmured, pulling his books out of his backpack.

“What am I going to be tortured with today?” Changbin lay on his stomach, his plushie supporting his chin.

Hyunjin rolled his eyes and shoved his books closer to him.

After studying for a bit, Changbin raised a question.

“What are you planning to do after school. Are you going to college?”

“I’ll go to college to be a nurse.” Hyunjin replied.

“Well that isn’t surprising.” Changbin snorted.

“Why? Because of Jisung?” Hyunjin asked.

“No. Because you’re smart and you work hard.” Changbin shook his head. “I could never be a nurse.”

“You’re smart.” Hyunjin argued. “In your own way.”

“I don’t think baseball skills will get me anywhere.” Changbin sighed. “I just don’t know what I want to do other than that.”

“Hmm…” Hyunjin nodded. “It’s kind of the hardest decision in your life.”

“Yeah and we have to make it when we are young.” Changbin groaned.

“You’ll be fine.” Hyunjin tried to console him.

Becoming a nurse was something Hyunjin just felt comfortable with. He already knew a lot thanks to Jisung, and he wanted to help people.

He hardly ever even though about it anymore. It was just a goal he was on the path to achieve.

Two days after he studied with Changbin, his parents asked him to talk with them about Jisung and his treatment.

Hyunjin had expected them to talk to him at some point since they regularly updated him on anything he didn’t already know.

“We decided to have Jisung start maintenance chemotherapy.” Hyunjin’s father started.

Hyunjin nodded. He had thought they would be since he had seen Jisung’s test papers.

“It’s… very expensive.” his father continued. “We’ll have to set aside money for hospital visits, the drugs, those things…”

Hyunjin nodded. He knew what they were going to tell him. He would have to be a support to Jisung during everything, even if the treatments were mild.

“We have to dip into the money we set aside for your college.”

Hyunjin blinked, confused.

“We held off for a while because we didn’t want it to come to this, but the doctors highly recommend proceeding.”

“Wait…” Hyunjin stopped him. “My college money is going into Jisung’s chemotherapy?”

“Yes.” his father nodded.

Hyunjin was absolutely stunned.

“You can’t just do that!” Hyunjin raised his voice slightly.

“Hyunjin, listen.” his father’s tone was unwavering. “There’s nothing that can be done.”

“Did you even try?” Hyunjin stood, too emotional to stay sitting. “Did you even think about me?”

“This isn’t about you!” his dad raised his voice in return. “This is about Jisung!”

“I know!” Hyunjin shouted back. “It’s always all about him!”

Emotions heightened in an instant. Hyunjin knew his father had always been adamant about Jisung’s health coming first, but never in a situation such as this.

“Do you know what would happen to him if we catered to your wishes?!” his dad slammed his hand on the coffee table, making Hyunjin flinch. “You know we have to make sure Jisung is stable!”

“I don’t know what it would be like if you considered! Because you never have!” Hyunjin replied fearlessly.

“I give you everything!” his father argued. “I give you a home, and food, and pay for just about everything! Don’t be selfish when it comes to your brother!”

“I want to be selfish just once!” Hyunjin felt like he was begging at this point, his vision blurred by angry, hurt tears.

“You can’t be!” he got in response.

“Honey-.” his mother touched his father’s arm in an attempt to calm him down.

“I’m done.” Hyunjin tried to sound firm but his voice wavered tearfully. “I’m leaving.”

He didn’t mean permanently, but he wanted to get out of the house at the moment. Away from them. If he didn’t, he felt like he would explode.

“You don’t leave this house.” His father warned.

“I’m being selfish tonight.” Hyunjin sassed back. “Like I never have been!”

He grabbed his keys and didn’t listen to both of his parents calling after him as he left the house and went to his car.

He drove half blindly to Changbin’s house. He sent off a hasty text and didn’t even wait for a response before driving there.

When he arrived, he tried to compose himself a little bit before knocking.

“Hey…” Changbin opened the door in just his sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt.

Hyunjin didn’t have time to take in the way he was dressed, the first time he had seen him in casual wear, because he was too distraught.

“I’m sorry for coming over.” Hyunjin apologized, already feeling guilty and self-conscious. “I didn’t- I didn’t know-.”

There were the tears again. He tried to hide them with his forearm but Changbin saw through him easily.

“Come inside.” Changbin grabbed his elbow and gently guided him into the house.

Hyunjin followed him to sit on the couch, still sniffling and very teary eyed.

“Everyone’s out tonight so we can take the couch.” Changbin had him sit and pulled a box of tissues closer.

Hyunjin nodded and wiped at his face with his jacket sleeve. Changbin stopped him and handed him a tissue instead.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

His voice was so full of concern. That’s all Hyunjin wanted. He just wanted someone to be concerned about him. He wanted someone to be worried about him. Maybe it was selfish, but he wanted someone to listen to him cry and wipe his tears.

Maybe he was expecting too much from Changbin but he was a tiny bit hopeful.

“I-Is it Jisung?” Changbin pulled one leg underneath himself and angled himself to look at Hyunjin.

“No. Yes. I don’t know!” Hyunjin raised his hands and let them drop.

“Take your time.” Changbin leaned back against the couch.

He was treating it all so casually, like it was totally normal for Hyunjin to show up crying on his doorstep. It made Hyunjin feel… special. Like Changbin was fully focused on him.

But it also calmed him down enough for him to rethink if telling Changbin how he was feeling was best. Surely, it would be okay. Right?

“Jisung’s being put back on a certain type of chemotherapy medicine.” Hyunjin brushed away a few stray tears with a tissue.

“Oh no… is he okay?” Changbin looked worried.

“He’s fine.” Hyunjin nodded. “He still takes meds to stay in remission. He took a-a little break to help his body recover… now the doctors think it’s b-best to resume low doses to be safe.”

“I’m… so sorry.” Changbin’s eyes were soft and sympathetic. “I’m sure that brings back a lot of hard memories. And can just be scary. For both of you.”

Hyunjin stared at Changbin. He was surprised yet again that Changbin knew exactly what he was feeling. Everyone talked about how hard it was for Jisung. But no one talked about how hard it was for Hyunjin that Jisung had cancer.

It made Hyunjin feel guilty though. He wasn’t exactly upset for the reason Changbin thought he was. His reason felt more self-centered.

“I’m not going to college next year.” Hyunjin blurted out anyways.

It took Changbin a moment to process. It felt like an abrupt subject change.

“W-Why not?” he asked, sounding a little stunned.

“It’s really expensive to do treatment. Drugs cost a lot of money… He still has to go to the hospital often.” Hyunjin sniffed. “We’re already in debt from when he was in more intense chemotherapy. We just don’t have the money.”

Changbin was silent. He just watched Hyunjin. It was hard to read his expression. His eyes were just as gentle as before, though maybe it was just the way his hair fell over his forehead instead of being styled. He seemed much more relaxed at home.

“I’ve never gotten to do something I wanted.” Hyunjin tried to explain to him how he was feeling. “I- This was one thing I was looking forward to but… cancer took it away.”

He clenched his tissue in his hand tightly. Changbin was surely judging him, but it felt so good to say out loud.

“That’s really not fair.”

Changbin finally spoke, running his hand through his hair with a sigh.

“That’s not fair to you.” he repeated, putting emphasis on the last word.

Hyunjin nodded, clinging to his every word.

“What happens if he doesn’t go on the medication again?” he asked.

“The cancer could come back.” Hyunjin sniffled. “He… could die.”

Changbin nodded slowly.

“So you’re caught in a hard position.” Changbin verbalized Hyunjin situation.

“I would never want him to _not_ have what he needed.” Hyunjin assured Changbin. “He’s my top priority but… sometimes I feel like last priority. Maybe if they acted like they felt bad about it…”

“I know.” Changbin consoled him. “I know you love him and want him to be safe. But it’s okay to want things for yourself too.”

“It’s the only thing I wanted.” Hyunjin’s vision glossed over with tears again.

“I’m so sorry.” Changbin touched his arm. “Let yourself be sad Hyunjin.”

Hyunjin nodded and looked down at his lap, trying to hold back tears despite what Changbin had said.

“Can I hug you?”

No one asked to hug Hyunjin. Chan or Jisung did but they were different. This was Changbin. Someone that Hyunjin found himself yearning for attention from more and more often. It was a little scary, but he nodded.

Changbin pulled him forward and Hyunjin melted into his touch. He rested his cheek against Changbin’s shoulder and let the rest of his body go a little limp.

“It’s _okay_ to be sad.” Changbin assured him.

He didn’t offer Hyunjin a solution, or even say there was none. He just let him feel what he was feeling in the moment. Hyunjin didn’t have to think about how his feelings would affect Jisung. He could just embrace being himself for the moment.

When Hyunjin left his house, he felt a little better. He allowed himself to be sad and cry it out. Now he just felt tired. He wanted to sleep it off.

When he got home, he heading straight upstairs, avoiding his parents.

He trudged up the stairs feeling a bit better but the weight in his chest was still there. He shrugged off his jacket once he was in his room and reached for the light but stopped. In the dim light, he could tell Jisung was asleep in his bed.

His shoulders dropped tiredly and he moved sluggishly as he changed into pajamas.

He didn’t attempt to relocate Jisung to his own bed. He slipped into bed next to him and tucked the covers around both of them. His movement made Jisung wake up.

“Hyunjin?” Jisung whispered.

Hyunjin hummed and adjusted the pillow so they would both be comfortable.

“Are you really leaving?” Jisung asked, his hand curling lightly in Hyunjin’s shirt.

“Why would I leave?” Hyunjin murmured back.

“You said you were leaving.” Jisung sniffled. “Because of me.”

“No, no…” Hyunjin brushed his bangs off of his forehead gently. “Not because of you. Not at all.”

“It’s all my fault.”

Hyunjin felt a tear dampen Jisung’s skin when he brushed his thumb under his eye.

“It’s not your fault.” Hyunjin said and he meant it. “I promise it’s nothing to do with you.”

“You won’t leave?” Jisung asked worriedly.

“I can’t leave you…” Hyunjin’s heart melted all over again.

It was true. His universe revolved around Jisung. Maybe he chose it. He just hoped that he could have his universe revolve around himself as well.

“I wish I would just die.”

“Jisung-.” Hyunjin gasped, his heart literally skipping a beat. “Don’t say that!”

“I wish I would.” Jisung repeated.

“Why would you say that?” Hyunjin struggled to make out his expression in the dark.

“If I wasn’t here then you and dad and mom wouldn’t have all of these problems.” Jisung explained. “I create all the problems.”

“Don’t ever think like that!” Hyunjin was appalled at what he was saying.

He wrapped his arm around Jisung and pulled him close, half crushing him against his chest.

“It’s true.” Jisung managed to reply even though his voice was muffled by Hyunjin’s shoulder. “If I died then dad and mom would focus on you.”

“Stop. Please stop.” Hyunjin’s voice trembled and he pulled Jisung even closer.

He never thought about the “what ifs”. He couldn’t bear to imagine life without Jisung. It was too awful. To hear Jisung talk about it so casually, so apathetically, made his heart ache.

“Jisung I- I love you so much.” Hyunjin whispered into the dark. “I could never be happy if you died. I would… it would break me.”

“But you’re so unhappy with me here.” Jisung responded.

Hyunjin started crying again then, so overwhelmed. Jisung tried to push away from him to see his face, but Hyunjin held him tightly.

“Don’t say that.” Hyunjin choked out. “I need you here Jisung. I can’t imagine life without you. You make me so happy.”

He couldn’t control his voice any longer so he pressed kisses to the top of Jisung’s hair, trembling with tears and emotion.

“You love me?” Jisung whispered hesitantly into the dark.

“Of course I love you.” Hyunjin loosened his grip so Jisung could breath. “How can you ask me that?”

“The last time you told me was when I was doing badly during chemotherapy.” Jisung traced circles against Hyunjin’s shoulder. “I didn’t know if that changed…”

“It will never change.” Hyunjin promised him. “I love you no matter what.”

“You promise?” Jisung whispered.

“I promise.”

When Hyunjin woke up in the morning, Jisung was still cuddled against him. Hyunjin didn’t have the strength to untangle himself. He felt drained deep down.

He knew the insurance only paid so much. They were already in debt and medication was expensive. His parents had made the choice to prioritize Jisung’s health over Hyunjin’s education.

“Are you going anywhere today?” Jisung asked.

Hyunjin jumped a little, not knowing he was awake.

“I don’t know…” he replied.

“Can you stay with me?” Jisung asked hopefully. “We can do whatever you want.”

“That’s fine.” Hyunjin agreed, too tired to think much.

He avoided his parents as he shuffled downstairs to make breakfast. It was too cold to go out and do anything. It was drizzling steadily which didn’t help Hyunjin’s mood.

He holed up on the window seat they had in the living room with blanket and cider. He pulled the curtain so he could be in his own little space. Changbin was right. He just needed space to feel.

Jisung didn’t have much concept of physical space. He found Hyunjin after a short time, slipping past the curtain and trying to wiggle in next to Hyunjin.

“Go away.” Hyunjin said without really meaning it.

He kicked lightly at Jisung a few times until he gave up and let Jisung sit across from him.

“I don’t have to do maintenance chemo.” Jisung told him, tracing patterns on the cushion beneath them.

“Yes you do.” Hyunjin replied without pulling his gaze from the gloomy weather outside the window. “That’s why it’s called maintenance chemo. You require maintenance.”

“You make it sound like I’m a robot.” Jisung huffed. “I don’t need maintenance.”

“Yes, you do.” Hyunjin pushed at him with his foot again.

“Ow…” Jisung rubbed his shin and pouted at Hyunjin.

Hyunjin stared flatly at him. He wouldn’t fall for that.

“College is more important.” Jisung said, trying to sound wise.

“Exactly. That’s why you need to stay alive so you can go.” Hyunjin shot back.

“I’m not going to die if I don’t do it!” Jisung whined.

“You might not but I don’t want to take the risk.” Hyunjin sipped his cider.

“Why are you so stubborn.” Jisung crossed his arms.

“Because I love you.” Hyunjin replied without thinking.

“That makes me feel even worse.” Jisung sighed. “You always put me ahead of yourself and I don’t like it.”

“If we stop talking about it and I have some time to think, then it won’t be a big deal anymore.” Hyunjin smiled tiredly at Jisung.

“It’s a big deal because it’s something you wanted.” Jisung said quietly.

“I’ll stop wanting it after a bit.” Hyunjin said, but he didn’t feel confident.

“Okay…” Jisung gave in.

“Can I have a little time to myself?” Hyunjin asked. “I’m just really tired and it’s hard to think.”

Jisung nodded and slid out of the window seat.

Hyunjin leaned his forehead against the window, his heart still aching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so sorry it's so sad but I promise it will be okay! Hyunjin is so lovely and sweet in this story, I absolutely adore him and Changbin together!


	6. Minho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter made me think... what did I just write?! It's really crazy not gonna lie and you probably will be very confused but I promise to make everything crystal clear as I go along. I am really sorry for all the tears but I tried to make it really cute with plenty of soft Minsung because they are total babies! Enjoy!

Practice was awkward. The atmosphere was tense between Seungmin and Minho since the incident where Minho had overheard him in the locker room. Seungmin hadn’t said a word so far, the two of them staying as separate as possible during practice.

Chan cornered Minho about it at the end of practice.

“So… why are you and Seungmin acting so stiff?” Chan flat out asked him.

“I’m acting the same as always.” Minho tried to shrug it off.

“You’re obviously more tense than usual and Seungmin hasn’t said a word.” Chan argued.

Minho wanted to roll his eyes. He hadn’t forgotten that Chan had told the team to tread lightly around him when he was in a bad mood. It rubbed him the wrong way for many reasons.

“Why don’t you ask Seungmin.” Minho huffed, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

Chan frowned. It wasn’t often that Minho passed things off to someone else.

“Ask me what?” They both turned to see Seungmin in the entrance of the dugout.

Minho didn’t stay to have a conversation. He strode past Seungmin, brushing up against him a bit roughly. He would let Seungmin and Chan work it out since they seemed to be buddies.

He steamed with anger as he changed in the locker room. He had never done anything wrong to his teammates. Maybe he was a bit short, or got frustrated sometimes, but he never did anything drastic.

When he headed to his car, he saw Seungmin and Chan sitting on the bleachers, talking.

“Great.” Minho grumbled under his breath. Seungmin cozying up to Chan was the last thing he wanted with Seungmin’s attitude towards him.

He was still turning it over in his mind when his dad got home. Minho was leaning against the counter, staring at the wall and turning things over in his mind.

“Did you make dinner?” his father asked as he entered the kitchen.

“Oh, no…” Minho had a bowl of cereal in his hands.

His father looked through the cupboards and the refrigerator before sighing. Minho set his bowl in the sink.

“Do you really think I have time to go shopping outside of work?” his father spoke up.

“Huh?” Minho turned to him.

“I come home from work and look at this.” he gestured to the nearly empty shelves, letting the cupboard close with a snap. “Empty.”

“Oh…” Minho said awkwardly.

“Grow up.” his father scoffed. “If something needs to be done around the house, then do it. You have a car.”

“Sorry.” Minho murmured.

His father shook his head with a grim look. Minho thought it would be best to remove himself from the situation.

“I’ll go shopping tomorrow.” he promised, moving to go upstairs.

“Hey.” His father caught his arm as he tried to move past. “Clean what you dirtied at least.”

Minho looked to his bowl in the sink.

“She wouldn’t want to stay in a house where she has to do everything.”

His offhanded comment stabbed Minho deeply. He remembered sitting on the stairs while his mom and dad screamed at each other about who was doing what in regards to the household chores.

He kept his head low as he cleaned his dish. Familiar thoughts were creeping back in. If he had just done the dishes without being told, or cleaned up after himself a few more times, maybe she would have had more reason to stay.

He had a familiar itch like he was struggling to breathe and needed to do something to release the tension. He forced himself to try to combat the harsh thoughts with others.

It was a long night, but in the morning, he felt a fraction better. He was spending the day with Jisung and the team at a baseball game. He wasn’t playing. It was a college game the team had been invited to come to and they were allowed to bring a plus one.

“Hi!” Jisung slid into the passenger seat excitedly.

Hyunjin sat in the back seat quietly. Minho spared him a glance before driving off. He was Chan’s plus one but apparently it was Minho’s job to drive him.

“I’m so excited.” Jisung squeezed his hands together, making Minho smile.

“It will be fun.” he agreed.

“It will be cold.” Hyunjin spoke up from the back.

“Ignore him.” Jisung whispered to Minho even though Hyunjin could hear him. “He’s just moody because Changbin didn’t invite him.”

“Shut up Jisung.” Hyunjin grumbled.

“Why didn’t he invite you?” Minho knew they had been spending time with each other recently.

“He’s bringing his new housemate.” Hyunjin replied. “Someone new to our school.”

“Oh…” Minho hadn’t heard of or met him yet.

He thought it was kind of interesting how Changbin and Hyunjin had connected. They seemed like opposites. But then again, it was the same with him and Jisung.

When they arrived, Chan waved Hyunjin over.

They went through the gates together.

“He needs a ticket.” the gatekeeper stopped Jisung.

Jisung blinked at him innocently.

“He’s not on the team roster so he needs a ticket.” the man explained. “They’re sold at the front gate.”

Jisung looked at Minho with a confused expression.

“What’s going on?” Chan joined them.

“He’s part of the team.” Minho insisted. “He comes with us.”

“He still needs a ticket.” the man grimaced.

“You can’t make an exception and just let him in?” Chan frowned.

“Hyunjin doesn’t have a ticket.” Minho pointed out.

“Yeah he does. I got him one yesterday.” Chan pointe to the ticket in Hyunjin’s hand. Minho groaned at his mistake.

“I’m sorry… I have to follow the rules.” The gatekeeper shook his head.

“Alright, I’ll just get him a ticket.” Minho handed his bag over to Chan.

“It’s fine, I can get it.” Chan denied but Minho shoved his things in his arms.

“Go on. It was my mistake.” Minho waved him away. “I got it.”

He was a little bothered by the situation but at least it was easily fixable. He would just buy Jisung a ticket.

He grabbed Jisung’s mittened hand and pulled him away towards the front entrance.

“I didn’t bring my wallet.” Jisung said. “It’s okay. I can wait outside.”

“That’s ridiculous.” Minho scoffed. “You’re watching the game.”

“I don’t want you to have to pay for-.”

“I’m paying.” Minho cut him off. “It’s not that much money Jisung.”

“I’ll pay you back!” Jisung trotted along a bit to keep up with him. Minho tightened his grip on Jisung’s hand as they maneuvered around people.

He pulled out his wallet and handed over the cash for a ticket. Jisung accepted it gratefully, holding it tightly in his free hand.

Minho smiled and tugged his beanie further down around his ears. Jisung playfully pushed his hand away. Minho wondered if this was what it was like to have a younger brother. He felt a warmth in his chest and a lightness in his heart.

He felt protective over Jisung, all bundled up and clutching his ticket like it was a prize. He understood how Hyunjin felt on a small scale.

“Do you want something warm to drink?” Minho stopped at one of the stands set up.

He could tell by the way Jisung stared at the stall that he wanted something but he shrugged. He probably didn’t want to make Minho pay for it.

“Can I have one apple cider?” Minho didn’t mind at all.

It was nice sitting in the stands with Jisung on one side and Changbin on the other. They passed snacks and apple cider between them.

Jisung chatted with the other players too, especially Changbin. It was nice.

Minho didn’t notice the person with Changbin until the game was over. The team didn’t win, but that didn’t dampen anyone’s spirits. It still felt like a good game to the team. They had learned a lot.

For some reason, Minho found himself staring at the boy beside Changbin. Something about him drew all of Minho’s attention. His smile almost looked like… he couldn’t place it.

“Minho?” Jisung tugged on his sleeve to get his attention.

“Hmm?” Minho hummed, still studying the new boy.

“Are you ready to go?” Jisung prompted.

“Hold on…” Minho found himself heading towards Changbin.

“Oh hey!” Changbin greeted. “You’re one of the few people who haven’t met Felix yet!”

“Felix…” Minho grasped Felix’s hand when he extended it.

He was so pretty, his body type petite and features small. Even his hand fit snugly in Minho’s. But his smile. Minho couldn’t shake it.

“Nice to meet you.” Felix bowed his head slightly.

“Felix is new to school.” Changbin explained. “He’s staying with me.”

“That’s cool.” Minho nodded.

Felix looked at him a bit shyly and then looked away. He was probably being a little obvious with the way he was studying Felix.

“We have to head out.” Changbin raised his hand. “See you later!”

Minho nodded and watched them walk away before he was broken out of his thoughts by Jisung again.

“Since when are you so friendly.” Jisung huffed, crossing his arms.

“Why? Are you bothered?” Minho shot back.

“No. I’m cold, let’s go.” Jisung tucked his hand into Minho’s elbow, pressing against him slightly.

Hyunjin looked at the two of them coldly. Minho shook his head and headed to the car.

When they left the field it was a little late, already dark.

Jisung looked sleepy, but happy.

“Don’t slip.” Minho warned as they walked to the car.

“That was so fun.” Jisung caught his balance on the curb he was walking on. “Can we do it again soon?”

“If we have another game like this.” Minho nodded.

“Hyunjin has to come again too.” Jisung detached from Minho to wrap his arm around Hyunjin.

“Too cold.” Hyunjin said but smiled and wrapped his arm around Jisung’s waist.

Minho sometimes wished he wasn’t an only child. Maybe then he wouldn’t be so lonely. He thought Jisung and Hyunjin could never be lonely with how they were there for each other. It must be nice.

But then again, Minho wondered if he would just make his sibling hate him. He didn’t handle conflict well, as he was reminded every day.

He had no idea how to respond when Seungmin approached him the next day. The last time they had interacted, Minho had caught Seungmin talking about him. It wasn’t an ideal situation, as Seungmin expressed.

“I’m sorry for what I said.” Seungmin fiddled with the hem of his shirt. “I didn’t mean for it to come off the wrong way. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

He bit his lip, surely feeling awkward addressing his own mistake in the locker rooms.

“Doesn’t matter.” Minho shoved his cleats into his bag. “Thinking it is enough.”

“I’m sorry.” Seungmin persisted. “I just don’t know you well enough yet…”

“No. You seem to have pinned me down perfectly.” Minho spat. “Absolutely. Keep it up.”

“That’s not fair.” Seungmin frowned. “I’m trying to say that I recognize you aren’t like what I said.”

“Oh yeah? How did you figure that out?” Minho looked directly at him.

“I talked to Chan and-.”

“Will you two quit talking about me behind my back?” Minho’s chest ached for some reason.

“That’s not what we were doing!” Seungmin quickly backtracked. “He just set me straight about what I was mistaken about.”

“Listen.” Minho took a deep breath. “I don’t care what you think of me to be honest. There were things said but it’s over now. It’s whatever, I don’t care.”

“Then are we going to be okay during practice?” Seungmin asked.

“Practice is practice.” Minho replied. “We don’t have to be friends to work together.”

“Fair.” Seungmin murmured but he didn’t seem satisfied.

“Deal.” Minho said. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow.” Seungmin said quietly.

The next day came and Chan was cornered by Chan yet again after practice.

“Really Minho?” Chan asked, a mix of frustration and disappointment in his tone. “Why are you and Seungmin still having a hard time?”

“We aren’t!” Minho responded. “Why? What did he say?”

“He didn’t say anything.” Chan sighed. “He was just off in practice like nothing changed between you two.”

“Why does it matter?” Minho replied. “His performance is fine and so is mine.”

“It’s not about your performance. It’s about having team closeness.” Chan explained. “You should like your teammate, especially if they didn’t do anything malicious. You know Seungmin wasn’t trying to be mean.”

“I know. I told him that.” Minho responded calmly. “He wants us to be friends or something but I don’t even have the time for that.”

“It’s not that hard.” Chan replied. “He’s a really cool kid and is pretty open. You would be surprised.”

“I don’t want to hurt his feelings.” Minho told Chan, honestly meaning it. “I’m just not a generally friendly, outgoing person. I don’t know how to even be around him.”

“You don’t have to be over the top about it.” Chan shrugged. “Just be yourself. Let your best qualities come out.”

Minho rolled his eyes. He didn’t know what his best qualities were. But he agreed with Chan and told him he would try his best.

At lunch the next day, he directly asked Jeongin for advice.

“What would you say my best qualities are?” Minho asked. “I mean, that people would care about.”

“You’re good at baseball. You’re nice-.” Jisung started to list things off.

“Not from you.” Minho stopped him. “I want to know from Jeongin. Because he’s known me longer.”

It was also because Minho knew Jisung sometimes viewed everything through rose colored glasses.

“Um… you seem kind of closed off at times but when people get to know you, they realize how much you care for them.” Jeongin replied. “It feels more meaningful because you have your special people instead of throwing yourself around in many friendships.”

Minho thought through his words carefully. He thought that was true.

“I mean, I became friends with you kind of slowly over time. There wasn’t anything drastic, it just happened.” Jeongin shrugged.

Minho nodded. They just seemed to fall into place together.

“My mom always says people just fall together.” Jeongin shrugged as if it was that simple. Then why didn’t Minho have more people falling together with him?

There was only one other person that seemed to be committed to sticking with him. But Minho thought Jisung was different. There was something about him that just melted Minho’s heart.

He was painfully aware of that fact when Jisung called him after practice a few days later. It was a practice that went into overtime so Minho was tired. Also Jisung wasn’t there. He had been feeling a little under the weather so Hyunjin forced him to go home and rest.

He got the phone call from Jisung as he was packing things away to go home.

“What’s wrong?” Minho’s heart sank when he realized Jisung was crying.

“I-I got a nosebleed.” Jisung said.

“A what?” Minho pressed the phone closer to his ear.

“A n-nosebleed.” he hiccupped, sounding very distressed.

“Okay… what’s wrong with that?” Minho didn’t really know what the problem was.

“It won’t stop bleeding.” Jisung said. His voice sounded a bit stuffy, probably from pressing tissues to his nose.

“How long has it been bleeding?” Minho was a little more concerned now.

“Maybe twenty minutes.” Minho heard Jisung start crying harder.

“Hey, calm down.” He told him. “You’re okay. Is anyone home with you?”

“My m-mom is coming home right now.” Jisung replied.

“Calm down for me Jisung.” Minho said soothingly. “Take a slow breath.”

“What if it’s the cancer coming back?” Jisung sounded panicked.

Minho’s heart skipped a beat at his words.

“Don’t think of that now.” Minho swallowed; his mouth suddenly dry. “Just hold tissues to your nose.”

“What if I have it again?” Jisung cried.

Minho realized he was more afraid of what the prolonged nosebleed could mean than anything else.

“I- Uh-.” Minho didn’t know what to say. “Do you want me to come over? My practice just ended.”

“Yes please.” Jisung whispered.

“Okay. I’ll come over.” Minho started tossing his things into his bag.

“M-my mom is home now.” Jisung told him.

“Okay. Go talk to her.” Minho felt a little relieved. “I’ll see you soon.”

Jisung hung up and Minho shoved his glove and shoe into his bag hastily. Jisung had honestly shaken him up.

He had no experience with these kinds of things. He didn’t even know how to support Jisung in the moment. He guessed he was just bad with people in general.

He worried about what to say or do the whole drive to Jisung’s house.

Jisung’s mom let him in, greeting him warmly before directing him to where Jisung was sitting in the living room.

“Is he okay?” Minho asked nervously.

“He’s just fine.” Jisung’s mom patted his arm gently.

Minho felt the anxiety drain from him when he saw Jisung sitting on the couch, buried in a ridiculously large blanket with just his head and hands peeking out. He held a cup of something, probably coco, and was watched TV.

“Hey Sung.” Minho said casually, going to join him on the couch.

“Hi.” Jisung’s face lit up when he saw Minho.

“Is your nose okay?” Minho sat next to him.

“Yeah. I think I’m okay.” Jisung smiled a little shyly. “I’m sorry I freaked out.”

“Don’t be.” Minho waved it off. “I’m glad you called.”

Minho stole part of the blanket for himself which Jisung readily shared.

“How was practice?” Jisung asked.

“It was okay I guess.” Minho shrugged. “It was kind of a long practice.”

Jisung nodded solemnly. Minho felt warm affection trickle through him seeing Jisung’s slightly red eyes and nose. He didn’t want Jisung to cry. He wanted to tuck him under his arm and protect him always.

“Thanks for coming.” Jisung smiled and lay his head on Minho’s shoulder.

Minho had never had anyone initiate that kind of affection with him. He had never imagined he would be letting the younger boy anywhere near him in the past.

Minho’s heart weakened a little bit and he felt it. Everything about Jisung was soft and cozy. He dared to say Jisung was the only person that had become his friend so fast. The only person he felt deeply attached too even though it had been such a short time.

He didn’t like it. He didn’t want to feel so weak. He had dropped everything to come make sure Jisung was okay. That was so unusual for him and it was scary. It wasn’t often that he did things for another person without even thinking.

It made Minho shift away from Jisung sooner than he wanted, making up some excuse about having to study. Jisung didn’t seem to catch on to his sudden discomfort. Minho cursed himself for suddenly waking up and realizing he was so far gone for the younger boy.

It didn’t make him feel frustrated as much as scared. It was scary to let someone hold a piece of your heart.

Minho was sure Jisung was the only one who had that power over him, but there was someone else who was more closely tied to him than he expected.

He was younger like Jisung. With a bright smile and a gentle demeanor. Minho didn’t want to admit it, but he had a strange fascination with Felix.

He had stared openly as Felix twirled his pencil between his fingers in an eerily familiar habit. He had seen it so many times before but why was it Felix who carried the habit?

He learned during one of their games. It was supposed to be normal. He shouldn’t have experienced anything out of the ordinary.

Life had different plans for him.

“Good luck today!” Felix held up his fist to Minho and Changbin.

“It’s kind of a big game.” Changbin nodded.

“I know! I invited my mom to come even.” Felix beamed.

Minho smiled slightly. It must be nice to have a mom to come to games. Or even his dad. He was always alone at games.

“You brought your mom Felix?” Chan joined them. “That’s great! I brought my dad so we can have full stands!”

“Oh! There she is!” Felix perked up, looking over Minho’s shoulder and waving.

Minho turned to see, curious about Felix’s mom.

He didn’t except to see a painfully familiar face.

There was _his_ mom, staring back at him, stopping in her tracks. Her mouth parted in surprise and Minho saw her whisper his name.

It was like cold water had flushed through his body and he was frozen, observing from somewhere other than his body.

He hadn’t seen her in so long but he recognized every feature. His mind snapped painful back into focus as Felix moved past him to go to her. His eyes followed Felix, everything feeling surreal. His smile was her smile. His habits were his habits.

“You okay?” Seungmin nudged his shoulder.

Minho continued staring at his mom, his heartbeat suddenly pounding in his ears. He didn’t know what was happening but he had to get do something to break away from the nightmare.

She turned away, sparing him a backwards glance and heading to the stands. Felix returned to them, oblivious of Minho’s struggle.

“Your mom looks really young.” Seungmin commented. “Are you sure she’s your mom?”

“No.” Minho shook his head. “She can’t be.”

All eyes turned to him at his whisper. Felix frowned, confused.

Minho needed to get away. He turned and headed back into the locker room, his heart racing and pounding in his ears. His hands trembled as he dropped his gear onto the bench. He felt like he could pass out. He thudded onto the bench and buried his face in his hands.

“Minho?” Seungmin of all people approached him.

“I can’t go out there.” Minho murmured, trembling for some reason.

The more he thought about it, the worse it was. Felix was close to the same age as him. He looked like her. That was the similarity Minho had found.

“What’s wrong?” Seungmin probed.

“You wouldn’t understand.” Minho mumbled, the only thing he could come up with.

“Try me.” Seungmin sat beside him but that was the last thing Minho wanted.

“I have to go.” Minho lifted his head, stripping off his jersey and replacing it with his sweatshirt.

“Wait!” Seungmin caught his arm. “You have to play!”

“I can’t.” Minho repeated, shrugging him off.

“What is happening?” Seungmin demanded to know.

“My mom is out there.” Minho suddenly snapped, fixing Seungmin with a piercing glare.

Seungmin frowned. He had no idea about the situation unraveling.

“Minho.” Chan entered the locker room, holding his hands out like he was placating a wild animal. Minho felt like a wild animal in the moment.

“I’m not playing Chan.” Minho repeated mechanically, pulling up his sweatpants and reaching for his regular sneakers.

“I won’t make you.” Chan shook his head. “But I need you to calm down.”

“You saw!” Minho shouted suddenly, startling Seungmin. “Connect the dots Chan! That was my mom!”

“I know.” Chan winced. “I’m so sorry Minho. I really am.”

“I’m out.” Minho ran a shaky hand over his forehead.

“You’re not in your right mind right now.” Chan moved closer, trying to settle him down. “Wait here for just a little bit before leaving.”

Minho shook his head. If he waited any longer, he would fall apart.

Seungmin sat there, staring at the two of them with wide eyes. He looked utterly lost.

“Sorry but I’m leaving.” Minho grabbed his back and made a beeline for the exit.

“Minho!” Chan called after him. “You- call me when you get home!”

Minho’s entire body vibrated with some emotion he couldn’t pin down. He felt like he was choking on his own soul.

It wasn’t a smart idea to drive since he was shaking so much, but he made it home safely. He completely shattered once he was in the safety of his room.

He wanted to scream or throw something but he just slid down the wall until he was sitting, staring numbly at the floor.

It was her. There was no mistaking it. She had even said his name, but she was with Felix. He looked like her. He even had some of her mannerisms.

Minho bit his lip hard enough for it to bleed. It was the first time he had seen her since she had left.

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there wrestling with his thoughts, but after a while, he registered the knocking at his door and the chimes from his phone. He rose like a hollow statue, heading downstairs like he was in a dream.

He opened the door to see Jisung.

“Are you okay?” he blurted out immediately.

Chan had probably told him what had happened.

“Go away.” Minho said and tried to close the door.

Jisung caught the door before he could close it. His eyes were so worried that Minho physically winced.

“I’m not leaving.” Jisung said, slipping inside as Minho held the door lax.

Jisung stood in his living room, staring at him.

“It was her.” Minho murmured.

He finally broke, sinking to the floor and covering his mouth to stop the sobs from slipping out.

Jisung knelt next to him, hugging him tightly.

Minho shook violently, tears streaming down his face and soaking into Jisung’s shirt. He gripped Jisung’s shirt with his free hand, gripping tightly enough to hurt.

“I’m so sorry Min.” Jisung said.

It just made Minho cry harder. Everyone was sorry for him. He had never felt so pitiful.

The years of being alone were so hard. He had consoled himself by imagining his mother somewhere far away, just as alone. Then she shows up with Felix of all people.

The timeline was horrendous. If she was his mother, then she hadn’t been there for him during his childhood, but was there for him in his adulthood, leaving Minho behind.

It was the worst feeling of betrayal. Minho had blamed himself before, but now waves of self-loathing crashed over him as he sobbed against Jisung. He had been left behind for someone else. He wasn’t good enough.

He suddenly wrapped both arms around Jisung, squeezing him as tight as he could. Jisung let out a short breath. Minho was probably squeezing him too tightly but he couldn’t loosen his arms. He pressed against him, trying desperately to hide himself away from his dark thoughts.

“I wish I could rewind so this never happened.” Jisung said.

Minho wished he could too. He wished he had never known. It was so hurtful.

“I can’t see him ever again.” Minho mumbled against Jisung, referring to Felix.

Jisung rubbed his back.

Minho felt like he was on a roller coaster. Slowly, the frustration with himself returned and he pushed Jisung away.

“Look at me.” he dragged his sleeve over his face. “I’m so pathetic.”

“You’re not pathetic.” Jisung rested his hand on his thigh.

“Crying over my stupid mom who I knew was already gone.” Minho huffed.

“I cried for two days straight when I was doing chemotherapy.” Jisung offered in consolation. “It’s okay to be sad.”

“Not over her.” Minho took a deep breath. “I don’t care.”

“You do care.” Jisung looked at him sadly. “Let yourself feel. Don’t bottle it up.”

“I feel better like this.” Minho lied. “I’m fine.”

Jisung didn’t argue with him this time, just rubbing his thumb over his leg.

“Do you need me to take you home?” Minho stood and wiped at his eyes. He would feel better if he just powered through.

“No. Hyunjin is waiting in the car outside.” Jisung stood also. “But I can stay. I don’t want you to be alone.”

“I really am fine.” Minho gave him a strained smile as if he hadn’t just cried into Jisung’s shoulder for a good stretch of time.

“Are you sure?” Jisung frowned at him.

“Yeah. I just want to sleep.” Minho said honestly. “You go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! Surprised? I told you Felix would be super important! Welcome in the softest character of this entire story! I absolutely adore Felix so expect a lot of softness! Let me know what you think!


	7. Hyunjin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops! I thought I posted this Christmas Eve but then I checked today and realized I didn't! Here is is now though it's really not much! It's my least favorite chapter especially because... well you'll see. Please read the ending notes! They are important this time!
> 
> TW: Mild Injury

One of Hyunjin’s responsibilities was to accompany Jisung to his checkups when his parents couldn’t. They weren’t terribly often but more so than the average generally healthy individual. They had fallen into a rhythm and it wasn’t as nerve-wracking as it had been in the beginning.

Jisung was a good sport about it all. His doctors were great and he got along well with his health care team. Usually a typical appointment consisted of them asking Jisung a lot of questions and then taking a blood test.

Hyunjin was able to wait with Jisung as they went through everything. They were in and out pretty fast.

“Let’s go get food.” Jisung said after. “I’m starving!”

“Pick somewhere healthy.” Hyunjin said. Being in the hospital always made him more health conscious afterwards. “And not too far away…”

He trailed off as his eyes fell on a familiar figure in the waiting room.

“What are you standing there for?” Jisung asked when he stopped.

“You go on ahead to the car.” Hyunjin said. “Here are the keys. I’ll be there in just a minute.”

“Just don’t take too long.” Jisung groaned.

Hyunjin approached Seungmin curiously. He had his homework spread out on the chair next to him, a pencil bitten between his teeth.

“Seungmin?” Hyunjin asked hesitantly.

The younger boy looked up. His face was blank, devoid of recognition upon seeing Hyunjin. Of course they really hadn’t interacted. Hyunjin had only seen or known of him through Changbin, Jisung and the others.

“Ah, I’m Hyunjin.” he offered his hand. “I’m Jisung’s brother.”

“Oh, nice to meet you.” Seungmin nodded, skipping the handshake. It didn’t seem rude though. Perhaps he just wanted to be hygienic.

“What are you doing here?” Hyunjin asked curiously.

“My mom is staying here overnight.” Seungmin replied. “I just thought I would get some work done.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. I hope she’s okay.” Hyunjin frowned.

“Um… yeah, thank you.” Seungmin said, looking away.

“I was just here with Jisung but he’s waiting in the car so… I’ll see you later.” Hyunjin raised his hand in farewell.

“See ya.” Seungmin returned the gesture with a tight smile.

Hyunjin left him with a few additional questions on his tongue, but he held onto them since Seungmin seemed reluctant to speak about them.

He took Jisung out to eat and then dropped him off at home. Changbin had asked Hyunjin to come over. He honestly wasn’t sure what for.

Changbin greeted him on the porch, probably seeing Hyunjin pull up.

“Hey.” Hyunjin greeted him. “So… are we studying? My things are in the car.”

“Not studying today.” Changbin shook his head and then grabbed his arm and pulled him back to his car. “We have a mission.”

“A mission?” Hyunjin asked curiously.

“Get in the car and I’ll explain.” Changbin patted his shoulder.

Hyunjin wanted to laugh. Changbin was very spontaneous.

“Okay, here’s my idea.” Changbin told him once they were on their way to the store. “You probably know stuff happened with Felix and Minho and… their mom.”

“Yeah…” Hyunjin winced. It seemed like something out of a nightmare honestly.

“Obviously, Felix has been having a really hard time.” Changbin explained. “So I want to cheer him up by doing something nice.”

Hyunjin nodded to show he was listening.

“He loves to bake. It’s an activity he can do at home.” Changbin continued. “Wouldn’t it be nice if we baked with him?”

“Um…” Hyunjin wasn’t sure.

“We can get all the supplies and make it super chill.” Changbin tried to convince him. “It will at least get him out of my room.”

“Okay, we can try.” Hyunjin agreed.

He really felt bad for Felix. His world had literally been turned upside down in a day. It must really suck.

They got things they needed at the store and returned to Changbin’s house. Luckily, everyone else was gone for a bit. Changbin went to bring Felix downstairs.

“Hi.” Hyunjin greeted Felix with a nod when he came downstairs.

“Hi…” Felix replied quietly.

When he drew closer, Hyunjin could see his tired eyes and the way his shoulders sagged under his large sweater.

“I-I’m sure it’s obvious what we are doing.” Hyunjin said. He thought it was better to be straightforward. Changbin sent him a panicked look anyways.

“But you’re in luck because I actually want to bake and I’ve been craving cookies.” Hyunjin continued. “We won’t force you but… Changbin said you made the best cookies so I’m here to steal your recipe.”

The side of Felix’s mouth quirked up in a shy smile and he drew closer.

“If it makes you feel better it’s a bonus.” Hyunjin handed him a bag of chocolate chips.

“Baking cookies sounds fun.” Felix nodded. “I don’t mind sharing the recipe either.”

“Awesome.” Hyunjin gave him a thumbs up.

Changbin looked relieved behind him, silently mouthing a thanks to Hyunjin.

“Preheat the oven first.” Felix said, moving to do that task. “You can get out a bowl. The large ones are above the sink.”

Hyunjin did as he was told. Felix was good at directing without it seeming like he was bossing around. He made Hyunjin feel included in the process.

Changbin sat at the counter watching them work.

“It’s a good thing you brought supplies. We are almost out.” Felix told Hyunjin as he tried to open the bag of chocolate chips.

“Need help?” Hyunjin reached out his hand after Felix struggled for a bit.

“Thanks.” Felix handed them over.

“Wow, your hands are so tiny!” Hyunjin laughed.

“Oh, yeah.” Felix grinned. “I don’t know why…”

“They’re so cute!” Hyunjin laughed. He held up his hand to fit it against Felix’s. His were much longer.

“Minho has small hands too.” he commented. “Jisung always tells me pitchers tend to have large hands but his are small.”

Felix’s smile fell and he averted his gaze. Hyunjin mentally chided himself for forgetting that Minho and Felix had their worlds rocked recently.

“Anyways, what’s next?” Hyunjin tried to move past the tense moment quickly.

“Um… sugar.” Felix rolled up his sleeves a little more and shook his head a little as if he was clearing bad thoughts.

“Here.” Hyunjin handed him a measuring cup.

They had to wait for the cookies to cook in the oven once they were done.

“So-.” Hyunjin started the conversation. “How are you liking living here?”

“It’s not bad.” Felix shrugged. “Other than finding all this stuff out… I like my school and the people I’ve met have been nice.”

“That’s cool.” Hyunjin nodded.

“I just really hope Minho and I can be friends…” Felix traced patterns into the counter. “I know he’s angry at me, but I don’t want him to hate me forever.”

“I wouldn’t say he hates you.” Changbin corrected. “He’s kinda weird that way but he’s angrier at the situation than at you.”

“I guess…”

“I think he’s a good guy at heart.” Hyunjin told him. “He’s just got some rough edges.”

“Woah! This is knew coming from you!”

Changbin pretended to be shocked and Hyunjin rolled his eyes.

“I’ll admit, he’s nice to my brother and proved he was a good friend.” Hyunjin smiled.

“Maybe one day we’ll figure things out.” Felix said hopefully.

Hyunjin had a feeling that if anyone could win Minho over, it would be Felix. He was too gentle and innocent to have blame held over him.

He declined going to a party with Hyunjin and Changbin later in the evening, but he seemed happier.

Hyunjin had been more adventurous with Changbin. Even attending the party that he had barely been invited to. It was a birthday party for one of the baseball players and Changbin counted Hyunjin as his plus one.

Slowly, Hyunjin was starting to talk with people and make friends he never would have interacted with otherwise.

The night was going well until Hyunjin realized Changbin was getting a little too rowdy.

Things started to go wrong when Changbin accepted a drink, and then another. Hyunjin watched a bit worriedly. He seemed fine until there seemed to be an argument brewing.

Hyunjin drew closer when Changbin and other boy started raising their voices at each other. Within a few moments, they had their fists raised.

Hyunjin wasn’t the only one who stepped in, but he was the one that wedged himself next to Changbin and held his arm tightly.

“You’ll regret that!” Changbin shouted at the boy across from him.

“Please don’t.” Hyunjin pushed a little more insistently against him.

Hyunjin had always heard that things happen fast in a hostile situation but it was his first time actually experiencing it.

Changbin was uncoordinated as he brought his fist back to strike out at the other boy. His elbow drew back and hammered into Hyunjin’s temple, right next to his eyebrow.

Hyunjin gasped and let go, surprised by the sudden hit.

Without Hyunjin as a barrier, chaos broke loose, multiple people grappling with each other. Hyunjin was shoved this way and that as people moved back and forth, pressing closer or pulling away.

Someone caught Hyunjin’s elbow and pulled him out of the mayhem. He wasn’t sure what was happening because his temple throbbed and blocked out everything else.

He ended up in the kitchen after everyone had been sorted out and calmed a bit. Someone he didn’t know got him ice, Changbin nowhere in sight.

“T-Thanks.” Hyunjin took the ice from the stranger, feeling awkward being in the situation.

“Do you need someone to take you home?” they asked. “Are you here with someone.”

“Um, yeah they’re… over there somewhere.”

“We’ll take you to them.” The person kindly held onto Hyunjin’s elbow in case he needed support.

Changbin was sitting on the arm of the couch, still arguing with someone but the fight had split apart. Luckily, he seemed fine.

“Woah!” he stood up quickly when he saw Hyunjin, almost losing his balance. Hyunjin felt terribly embarrassed all of a sudden with the ice pressed to his head so he let it drop.

“Are you okay?” Changbin caught his arm, his unfocused gaze sliding over his face.

“Yeah… I’m fine.” Hyunjin murmured. “C-Can we go?”

He just wanted to be out of there. He felt too hot and claustrophobic all of a sudden.

“Are you okay?” Changbin repeated.

His hand gripped Hyunjin’s waist a little too tightly, his fingers slipping under his sweater on accident and pressing cold against his warm skin. It jolted him back to reality a bit and it wasn’t pleasant.

“Don’t touch me.” Hyunjin pushed Changbin away, turning and looking for a way to escape.

He headed outside and sat on the steps in the chilly night air. He took a deep breath and placed his head in his hands.

“You look not okay.” Changbin followed him. His knee jostled Hyunjin’s back on accident as he crouched next to him.

“Can you- stop!” Hyunjin snapped, fed up with the situation. “Leave me alone! I just want space. I want to leave…”

“Let me see.” Changbin pulled at his hand to look at his head.

Hyunjin pushed his hand away and glared at him.

“Grow up!” he said harshly. “It’s your fault I’m like this because you got drunk and tried to throw a punch!”

“I’m sorry. I’ll take you home.” Changbin fumbled in his pocket for his keys.

“You can’t drive.” Hyunjin said coldly. “Maybe you should have thought of that beforehand.”

“Gosh- I… I’m messing up!” Changbin clumsily ran his hand through his hair.

“Yeah. You are.” Hyunjin wrapped his arms around his knees.

“I only wanted you to have a good time.” Changbin pouted at him and for a moment Hyunjin was caught in his stare.

His soft brown eyes framed with brown liner looked like he was begging Hyunjin. He resembled a kicked puppy now that his hair was rumpled and he had a sad expression.

“Give me your keys and I’ll drive you home.” Hyunjin grumbled, holding his hand out for the keys.

His head ached and he honestly wanted to go straight home, but he was worried of what his parents would say if he came home. He also didn’t know how to manage logistically because Changbin couldn’t drive his own car back. Safely at least. He messaged them that he was staying with a friend overnight.

When he got home, Changbin was acting a little more drunk, like it was finally setting in. He kept laughing at nothing until he was wiping away tears. It was painfully awkward for Hyunjin to hand him off to Felix and then shyly ask if he could stay the night.

He removed his shoes at the door and awkwardly stood in the kitchen, wondering if he should try to help Felix.

Instead, Felix came rushing back downstairs a moment after presumably dumping Changbin in bed.

“I am so sorry he is like that!” Felix apologized. “I’ve never seen him get… drunk before.”

“It’s fine.” Hyunjin shrugged it off even though it had ruined his night.

“Here, I’ll get you blankets for the couch.” Felix quickly said. “Or do you want my bed? Changbin does snore though…”

“Couch is fine.” Hyunjin gestured to the furniture.

Felix set him up and even brought an extra pillow.

“Do you think he will be alright?” Hyunjin asked hesitantly, almost feeling self-conscious for being worried about Changbin.

“What was that?” Felix drew closer. “I’m sorry, I took out my hearing aids for the night.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. It’s nothing.” Hyunjin shook his head.

Felix lingered for a moment and then nodded and left.

Hyunjin settled onto the couch, still feeling strange with the whole situation.

When he woke up in the morning, Felix was in the kitchen already. Hyunjin smoothed down his hair and straightened his clothes, not really meant to be slept in.

He padded into the kitchen and sat down on one of the stools they had by the counter.

“Do you drink coffee… what happened to your face?!” Felix noticed what was surely a bruise now on Hyunjin’s face.

“Changbin happened.” Hyunjin sighed.

“He hit you?” Felix gasped.

“Something like that.” Hyunjin waved it away, too tired to explain.

Changbin happened to come into the kitchen just then.

“What the hell did you do to Hyunjin?” Felix demanded, raising a spoon to be threatening.

Changbin’s tired, hungover eyes raked over Hyunjin’s face, making him look down.

“It was my fault.” Hyunjin was surprised to hear Changbin say. “I was stupid and got heated while I was drunk.”

“It’s really nothing.” Hyunjin tried to calm Felix down. He traced patterns in the counter, not liking being the center of attention.

A moment later, Changbin tilted his head up by his chin and pressed a bag of ice to the bruising by his eyebrow.

“How are you going to explain that to your parents?” Felix leaned on the counter.

“I have no idea.” Hyunjin winced.

“Come clean and tell them it was me.” Changbin replied. “Just be honest.”

“No way.” Hyunjin laughed. “I’ll just pull up my hoodie and hide for two days.”

“Are you hurt anywhere else?” Changbin asked. “I don’t remember much from last night.”

“No.” Hyunjin assured him.

“I can cover it then.” Changbin offered. “Before you go home.”

“How?” Hyunjin frowned.

“I have my ways.” Changbin winked at him.

Hyunjin was left to be curious as Changbin and him got in a full day of studying even though Changbin complained of a headache the whole time.

Towards the evening, Changbin called it quits.

“Come here.” Changbin stood up and retrieved a small bag from his bathroom. “I want to show you something.”

Hyunjin sat in the chair at his desk.

“Can I?” Changbin gestured to Hyunjin’s face.

Hyunjin nodded, not sure what he was getting himself into. Changbin set his bag down and grabbed a brush. He swept Hyunjin’s bangs off of his forehead and clipped them away.

“I don’t have much… And you’re lighter in complexion than I am.” Changbin talked aloud as he rummaged through his bag. “Not that you need any.”

He set aside what looked like tinted lotion and a circle of pink powder with a brush.

Hyunjin clasped his hands in his lap, a strange fluttering feeling in his stomach. He was a little nervous but he trusted Changbin.

First, the slightly older boy dabbed a thick lotion onto his bruise as gently as possible. Then he added a powder and tilted his head back and forth to inspect it.

Then he had him close his eyes and tilted his head up with gentle fingertips against his chin. A soft brush dragged across his eyelid.

Changbin tilted his head back and forth as he needed. Hyunjin was allowed to open his eyes after a bit. He watched Changbin work. He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth in utter focus as he worked on Hyunjin’s eyebrows.

Hyunjin realized he got the same look on his face when he played baseball. And when he was focusing super hard on what Hyunjin was teaching him. It was an endearing look. Opposite of his often times intimidating aura.

“All done.” Changbin stepped back. “Look in the mirror.”

Hyunjin moved to the bathroom to see himself.

He was shocked. Not only had Changbin covered his bruise, but he had also given Hyunjin the light makeup look he had on the night before at the party. Changbin had done the bare minimum but it had enhanced his face so much. His eyes looked soft and gentle, framed by his neatly trimmed eyebrows. He didn’t want to appear vain, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from himself.

“Wow… I didn’t know I could look like this.” he murmured.

“It’s not much of a difference.” Changbin shrugged. “But if you’ve never worn makeup before it might seem drastic.”

“It’s perfect.” Hyunjin breathed out, touching his cheek lightly. “And it covers the bruise perfectly.”

“If your hair was longer, I would tie it back with a ribbon.” Changbin reached up and unclipped his hair. “I think it would look nice.”

Hyunjin adjusted his bangs, still mesmerized by how he looked.

Changbin leaned against the counter, unphased by Hyunjin’s transformation.

“How did you learn to do this?” Hyunjin asked.

“My older sister.” he shrugged.

“I’m a little surprised you’re so good at this.” Hyunjin admitted.

“It’s really not that hard. You could do it if you wanted.” Changbin grinned.

“You’re not like…” Hyunjin wasn’t sure how to say it. “You’re this tough baseball guy. Don’t your teammates find it…”

“Do you mean do they think it’s weird?” Changbin kindly saved him from his misery. “Honestly, I don’t really care about anyone else’s opinions. It’s my face, right?”

Hyunjin nodded.

“Why should it be weird for guys to take some time to look nice?” Changbin shrugged. “I don’t really care what other people think so it doesn’t bother me. Plus, it’s come in handy now to uh… hide your bruise.”

Hyunjin considered his words carefully. Changbin had this strong sense of self that couldn’t be phased by anything. It was something he really admired about him. Hyunjin wished he was that self-assured.

“You look really pretty Hyunjin.” Changbin said out of the blue. “You believe that’s true right? With or without makeup.”

Hyunjin flushed shyly and dropped his eyes.

“I don’t know…” he mumbled.

“Well you are. Whether I say it or not.” Changbin continued. “Own it for yourself. Don’t let anyone else cloud your view of yourself.”

Hyunjin nodded timidly, still too shy to look at him. He didn’t really praise himself regularly. He only had time to think about the ways he needed to improve.

“What will I do when it rubs off?” Hyunjin lightly touched his bruise.

“Mm… we’ll see each other at school so I can just apply more until it’s faded.” Changbin decided.

It maybe wasn’t the best solution but it would do.

“You’re home late.” Jisung commented when Hyunjin got home.

“Yeah we had a lot to study.” Hyunjin swapped places with him to use the restroom, keeping his head down.

He closed the door and turned to look in the mirror again. Had Jisung noticed anything? He didn’t know why he felt so self-conscious. His bruise was hidden. Changbin had said to own it, right?

He fidgeted in place for a few moments before heading to Jisung’s room. He was just settling into bed when Hyunjin came in.

“Yeah?” Jisung sat on his bed.

Hyunjin crossed the room and sat on his bed as well. They faced each other, cross-legged.

“Do you notice anything different about me?” Hyunjin asked.

“Um…” Jisung looked him over and then studied his face closer. “Your eyes.”

“Do you like them?” Hyunjin held his breath anxiously.

“Of course I like them.” Jisung smiled. “You look happy right now.”

“Not that!” Hyunjin waved his comment aside. “I meant my makeup!”

“Oh!” Jisung leaned forward. “You’re wearing makeup? It’s kind of hard to see in this light…”

Jisung only had his bedside lamp on.

“Who did it for you?” Jisung looked closer. “It looks so nice!”

“It’s a secret.” Hyunjin didn’t know why it was but for the moment it was. “You really like it?”

“Yeah I do!” Jisung smiled and nodded. “It’s cool!”

“It feels nice.” Hyunjin tucked his hair behind his ear.

That night, Hyunjin fell asleep feeling a little less anxious about everything that had happened. He was still bothered Changbin had gone to the lengths he did, but he had ended up being kind and apologetic. It was a mistake and he had done his best to fix it.

The next day at school, Hyunjin decided he was definitely angry again. Hiding his bruise felt like such a task.

By the end of the week, he was in a bad mood over it.

“I didn’t know it took so long for a bruise to go away.” Hyunjin sighed as Changbin pulled a wipe out of his bag.

“It always feels longer when you’re hiding something.” Changbin grimaced.

“Ow!” Hyunjin winced when Changbin dragged the wipe across his skin to remove the old makeup that was being rubbed off.

“Hold still.” Changbin mumbled. “My sister is going to kill me when she finds out I’ve been stealing these.”

“It’s your own fault.” Hyunjin huffed.

When Changbin had wiped off his face, he looked in the mirror. The bruise was fading, just not quickly enough for Hyunjin’s preference.

“I should have just come clean about it.” Hyunjin sighed. “Then I-.”

They were interrupted by someone opening the door. Both of them startled and stared at the person who had come in. Chan stared back at them, probably confused why they were in there together.

“I told you to lock the door!” Changbin slapped his hand over his eyes and groaned.

“What are you two doing?” Chan looked between them. “Hyunjin! Your face…”

“I-he-.” Hyunjin’s face was surely bright red with embarrassment.

“I accidentally elbowed him so now I’m helping him cover it.” Changbin said bluntly.

“What the…” Chan looked thoroughly stunned as he drew closer.

“I just d-didn’t want people asking a lot of questions.” Hyunjin stammered.

“I have a lot of questions…” Chan murmured.

“Please don’t say anything.” Hyunjin asked Chan. “It’s not that big of a deal, I just don’t want anyone asking questions. Changbin can cover it until it goes away.”

“Okay… but what are you two even doing together all the time now?” Chan crossed his arms. “I thought my _best friend_ was more loyal.”

Hyunjin grinned and threw his arm around Chan’s shoulders.

“I’ve been busy getting myself into trouble.” he teased.

“Well obviously!” Chan poked his side with a smile.

Hyunjin knew Chan was secretly happy for him. Hyunjin had never felt more engaged with life in general. He was in a sense, thriving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... if it's not obvious, getting drunk or even tipsy is really not a great idea and should be treated with seriousness. I had to cram a lot of filler in here to support the continuing plot, but I would have liked to have my characters dwell on what happened more instead of "shrugging it off". Please don't mistake this for me being nonchalant! I really don't like the whole party scene because there are so many things that have gone wrong in my experience so, surprise! no more parties in this whole story! You will soon see why, and they will be replaced with an alternative! (sorry spoiler, but I didn't want to leave on this weird cliffhanger type deal)  
> Reminder to always stay safe and feel comfortable doing what's best for you! Hope you are all doing well!  
> (Now I will go hide in my hole of shame for the shambles of this chapter)


	8. Minho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Short chapter today! In case y'all were wondering, I updated my posting schedule for all my works! Here ya go! 
> 
> Shelter: As soon as I’m done editing (It’s almost complete)  
> Snow: Weekly (Mondays)  
> Daisy: Weekly (Tuesdays)  
> Lilac: Weekly (Wednesdays)  
> The Hidden Side: On hold

Minho should have known that he couldn’t avoid Felix forever.

The first practice since the game he skipped, Felix waited for Changbin to finish.

He sat in the stands with Jisung and came down when they were done. Minho tried to make a beeline for the lockers, but he couldn’t escape fast enough.

“Minho!” Felix caught up to him fast. “Wait!”

“Not right now.”

“Please!” Felix caught his arm.

Minho winced. Both Changbin and Chan joined them, perhaps expecting a tense confrontation.

“I really didn’t know.” Felix started, playing with his fingers nervously.

Minho didn’t know what he was feeling in the moment. He was hurt of course, but he didn’t know how to comprehend that Felix was technically his half-brother.

“I don’t know what to say…” Minho replied. “I think it’s best if we don’t talk about it…”

“I just don’t want you to be angry at me.” Felix looked at him nervously. “I promise I would never want something like this to happen.”

“Well, whether you like it or not, she kinda made her decision. You’ll never be able to make it better.” Minho clipped his words, feeling tight and angry deep down.

“It’s not Felix’s fault she chose him over you.” Changbin cut in.

It burned through Minho like fire. A rage he had never felt before literally making his face burn and his ears ring. He felt like he could explode with a single touch.

“Too far…” Chan told Changbin in a low voice.

Minho clenched his fists hard enough to carve crescents into his skin.

“You’re right.” Minho gritted out. “It’s not his fault. It’s… mine.”

“No- Minho…” Felix responded softly.

“Who would choose me over him?” Minho scoffed, his heartbeat pounding in his ears. “I deserve to be left behind.”

Minho wanted to hurt them and nothing hurt more than the truth, even if it was only deprecating to himself. He saw the way Felix flinched at his words and fluttered his hands anxiously.

“I’m done.” Minho’s voice wavered a little. “I’m tired of being everyone’s last thought. I’m done.”

“That’s not what I meant-.” Felix stepped forward and reached out towards him but aborted his movement when Minho glared at him.

“I know none of you care about me.” he spat. “You only tolerate me. I’m sick of it. I’m done.”

He wished he could throw something, or scream or something. Instead, he turned to leave before he really exploded on them.

“That’s not true.” Changbin finally spoke.

Felix lunged forward and grabbed his arm.

“Don’t touch me!” Minho roughly shoved him back, drawing a hurt expression from him.

Chan stepped forward but didn’t intervene.

“I don’t blame you for ruining my life but don’t test it.” Minho said darkly. “Stay away from me.”

Felix looked absolutely broken. Minho felt absolutely broken. He knew once the anger was gone, he would crumple in on himself.

The night air felt ten times colder as he stormed away. He got into his car and tore off down the street, too angry to be careful.

He wanted to yell at someone, even though technically he had already unloaded his harsh thoughts on Felix. He just felt a pent-up anger. He had thought he was sad but maybe he was angry. Anger tended to follow betrayal, didn’t it?

He was so angry that he skipped school the next day. He didn’t have practice and he didn’t have the heart, or the right mindset, to care.

He was going to hole up in his room the whole day, but Jisung had to come over since their photography project was due the next day.

He tried his best to suck up his bad mood so they could get some work done.

He felt like going through the motions was excruciatingly hard, but it was all he had.

It didn’t help that Jisung wanted to point out his mood right then.

“You’re pushing me away again…” he spoke up softly, not looking at Minho.

Minho bit his lip, a wave of frustration towards himself adding to his current emotions.

“I don’t mean to Jisung.” he tried to correct. “Today was just… not the best and I have a hard time processing around other people.”

“It’s okay.” Jisung offered him a shy smile. “If you let me know what is best for you then I’ll do it. If you want me to leave I can.”

“No.” Minho knew he needed company. “I’m not sure what I need but I know I don’t want to be alone.”

Jisung nodded, looking back at the camera. Minho pinched his thigh, literally trying anything to snap him out of his mood.

“Jisung…” Minho felt awkward asking. “If something is bothering you… how do you make it stop?”

Jisung set his camera aside and joined Minho on the couch. He pulled his legs underneath himself to get comfortable before responding.

“It depends… but I usually talk to Hyunjin, or my mom, or my dad.” he replied. “If I am sad or frustrated, I usually go to Hyunjin. If I need advice, I go to my mom… that kind of thing.”

“Talking… helps?” Minho was a bit skeptical.

“Yep.” Jisung nodded. “It’s nice to get your thoughts out in the open so they don’t get too tangled in your head.”

“I don’t really have anyone to go to for that…” Minho flushed, a little embarrassed. “My mom is… my dad is never home. I don’t really have anyone else who is close to me.”

“What about me?” Jisung tapped his chest with a smile.

“Oh…” Minho wasn’t sure what to say. “I don’t want to burden you with my problems.”

“It’s really not a problem for me.” Jisung shook his head.

“I don’t know…” Minho didn’t feel comfortable unloading his hurts on Jisung. “I think they’re more than you need to carry.”

Jisung considered for a moment and then nodded.

“I respect that.” he replied. “A lot actually… Thank you for being concerned about how it would affect me. I understand.”

“I probably just need to work things out on my own.” he nodded.

“Do you want to talk about anything else?” Jisung asked. “Just to get your mind off of things?”

“Um…” Minho thought for a moment. “I don’t know how to talk to Felix. I mean what am I supposed to say? How do I act without it being… weird?”

“Felix is easy to talk to!” Jisung smiled. “He’s really nice.”

“Well maybe for you, but imagine you’re in my position.” Minho rolled his eyes.

“Just be nice to him.” Jisung shrugged. “Things will work out if you’re just nice. He’s really chill.”

“Oh…” Minho winced.

He had been far from nice earlier. In fact, he had been downright mean. He knew it wasn’t Felix’s fault and he was probably struggling just as much as Minho.

It wasn’t rocket science. He just had to be kind. Being blatantly kind wasn’t something he was good at. He would have to do his best though.

The next day at school, he worked up enough courage to approach Felix. It truly was harder than he expected. When he saw his face, all that went through his mind were painful memories.

He took a deep breath and steeled himself before approaching Felix at his locker.

“Hey…” Minho touched his shoulder cautiously.

The younger boy jumped slightly and then looked surprised that it was Minho who approached him.

“Hi.” He replied a bit warily.

He looked tired Minho noticed. His eyes were tired and his cheeks lacked their usual warmth.

“I uh…” Minho scratched the back of his head awkwardly. “I was wondering if you wanted to have lunch together.”

“With me?” Felix pointed to himself, looking shocked.

“Yeah.” Minho shrugged.

There was an apology on the tip of his tongue but he couldn’t manage to let it out.

“Okay.” Felix agreed, clutching his books to his chest. “Where do you want to eat?”

Minho would prefer somewhere private but he wasn’t sure where.

“What about the gardens on the south side of the school?” Felix offered, reading his mind.

“That’s fine.” Minho nodded. “See you there.”

“Okay.” Felix waved and gave him a small smile.

Minho let out a long breath as he walked away. Who knew it would be so hard?

He felt anxiety creeping up on him again when he headed to the gardens during lunch. Their school had nice gardens so it was a good place to meet. Plus it was secluded.

“I brought you coffee milk.” Felix extended the bag to Minho as he sat down on the bench next to him.

“Thanks.” Minho didn’t really know how to respond. Felix really was too nice.

He didn’t really know what he wanted to say. But he wanted to make things right.

“I wasn’t really in my right mind a few nights ago.” Minho started off by getting straight to the point. “I don’t usually… act like that.”

“It’s okay.” Felix said quickly.

“It’s not okay.” Minho swallowed. “I acted really immature and… mean.”

Felix looked down at his hands in his lap.

“I was hurt and so I said things I shouldn’t have.” Minho finally blurted out, the closest thing to an apology he could manage.

“I understand.” Felix said softly. “To be honest… I haven’t spoken to my mom since she told me everything.”

“Oh…” Minho’s heart sank a little.

“I always thought she was like my hero.” Felix admitted. “I know she left me in the beginning, but nobody else wanted me like this…”

He shyly touched his ear where his implant was.

“When she came back, I felt like maybe I wasn’t so broken after all. Yeah, my dad still left but at least she stayed.” Felix’s voice wavered a little bit. “I didn’t know she was leaving someone else to stay with me.”

Minho stared at the ground, not wanting to see his face at the moment. It was like looking at her.

“It is my fault.” Felix persisted. “She would have stayed if she didn’t have to come for me.”

“That’s not true.” Minho denied. “She was drifting away for a long time.”

“Because my dad was threatening to give me over to social services if she didn’t come back.” Felix admitted. “The more I think about it… she only came for me because she was forced.”

“I can’t believe that.” Minho looked him straight in the eyes. “Our family was breaking inside. I… I was a lot of the problem.”

He swallowed hard.

“I’m nothing like you Felix. I’m not good or kind or gentle. People don’t stay with people like me.”

Felix’s expression turned more distressed and he twisted his hands in the bottom of his sweater.

“I don’t like when you talk like that.” Felix said softly.

“Why?” Minho frowned.

“You talk about yourself like you have no worth.” Felix explained. “It’s not true.”

“You don’t even know me so how can you say that?” Minho scoffed.

“Because you came out here with me to make things right. And you make an effort. And you don’t seem like a bad person.” Felix said but it sounded like he was pleading with Minho to understand.

“Well… you’re mistaken.” Minho shifted uncomfortably. “I’m not a good person. Maybe I’m not bad, but I’m not good.”

“You’re sad and… lonely I think.” Felix ventured to say. “But that doesn’t make you bad.”

Minho stiffened at the way Felix hit his emotions dead on.

“No I’m not.” He said a little curtly.

“It’s okay. I didn’t mean it in a rude way.” Felix waved his hands. “I just don’t see you as a bad person…”

Minho didn’t have much of a response, so he stayed silent.

“So… we’re half-brothers, right?” Felix said hesitantly.

“I guess.” Minho murmured.

“I always wanted an older brother.” Felix smiled shyly.

Minho felt uncomfortable again. Felix had an expectation for him. He wasn’t in the mindset to meet those expectations, whatever they might be.

“We can just be friends.” Minho shrugged.

“We don’t have to tell anyone we are brothers, we can just-.”

“Let’s only be friends.” Minho cut him off. “We can pretend like this never happened.”

“Oh…” Felix’s face fell a little bit.

“I should probably go to class now…” Minho wanted to escape the awkward atmosphere.

Felix didn’t say anything as Minho stood and awkwardly inclined his head as a goodbye.

As Minho walked away, he felt… bad still. It hadn’t ended on the best note, but hadn’t Felix gone too far? He expected too much from Minho.

It wasn’t something he could fix though. At least, not anywhere in the near future he assumed. He decided he would just continue getting through his own life instead of worrying about Felix.

Maybe it was because he felt guilty over Felix that he decided he would do something nice for Jisung. The younger boy had been kind to him even though Minho hadn’t been the best friend to him recently.

It was a small gesture, but Minho offered to take him out to look at the stars. He used to love doing so as a child and was feeling nostalgic more recently. He was partially hoping he could remake some new memories to replace the old ones.

He borrowed his dad’s truck so they could lay in the back. He made it all cozy with blankets and grabbed cocoa from the diner.

When he picked Jisung up, he made sure he had gloves on and a hat pulled over his ears so he wouldn’t get cold. Also so he wouldn’t catch a cold because Hyunjin or his mom would truly kill him.

“Are you comfortable?” Minho asked, adjusting so Jisung’s shoulder wasn’t pressing against the bed of the truck. He had laid back and Jisung automatically drew to him like a magnet. Minho let it slide.

“Mm hm.” Jisung nodded, tucking his hands in between them, pulling the sleeves over his hands for warmth.

Minho traced the familiar constellations for a few minutes before bringing up a question he had meant to ask Jisung.

“Are in pain?” he asked. “I mean… I know you’re in remission but…”

“Sometimes it still sucks.” Jisung replied. “Just because it’s in remission doesn’t mean my body is one hundred percent again.”

Minho nodded. It made sense.

“I was on a chemotherapy treatment plan while in remission but we stopped because we don’t want my body to become resistant to it.” Jisung explained. “Sometimes I still feel kinda weak but it’s mostly because my immune system weakened a little bit. Now I’m starting up on it again. Just to be safe.”

“How so?” Minho asked further. “I mean, how do you feel?”

“I get tired more easily… I feel like I’m sore sometimes. It’s side effects from the medication not me actually being sick.” Jisung tapped his fingers on Minho’s chest lightly. “I got sick a few months ago, like really bad. We thought it was the cancer but it was just an infection. It kind of wiped me out for a bit though.”

“I’m sorry.” Minho said softly.

“I’m used to it.” Jisung shrugged slightly. “I’m not as fragile as you think.”

“I know.” Minho replied easily. “You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met.”

“I don’t think that’s true.” Jisung poked his stomach gently.

“You’re definitely the bravest person I know.” Minho pulled him a little closer. “I’ve never met anyone like you.”

Jisung stayed quiet at that.

“I don’t think I could be as brave as you.” Minho said honestly.

“You’re brave.” Jisung replied. “In your own way.”

“You think I’m better than I really am.” Minho let out a short laugh.

“You’re the nicest, coolest, most fun person I’ve ever met.” Jisung responded.

“That’s really not true.” Minho denied it. “I am not very cool, or fun. And I’m definitely not nice.”

Jisung wrapped his arm around Minho’s waist suddenly.

“You are to me.” he said. “You just don’t know how nice you really are.”

“I’m not very nice to Felix.” Minho let his thoughts slip out without a filter.

“What?” Jisung lifted his head to look at him. “I thought you talked to him!”

“I did but… he asked to be brothers and I said no. I’m just- not feeling it yet.” Minho sighed.

“Oh, well I can understand that.” Jisung settled down again. “You’re both in shock still.”

“Yeah no kidding…”

“You’ll be okay.” Jisung patted his chest.

“Wow, I feel so much better.” Minho laughed.

“I take back my comfort.” Jisung hit him instead.

“Nah, you’re fine. Thanks for trying to help. I do feel better.” Minho really was appreciative.

That’s just the way Jisung was. He brought a calm without even meaning to. Minho wished he had Jisung’s skills.

Minho was disappointed that Jisung wasn’t going to be at the school lock-in event. Usually, all the students got locked into the school one night and stayed in the gym. It was actually a pretty fun event, but Jisung wasn’t going to do it.

Minho debated if he would, but ended up giving in since the whole baseball team would be.

It felt awkward because Felix was there. Everyone was chill. Just hanging out. Minho on the other hand felt tense with Felix around.

When they settled down for the night, Minho purposely moved his sleeping bag somewhere slightly away from the group. To his surprise, Felix lay out his sleeping bag next to him. They were slightly separated from the rest.

“Is it okay?” Felix asked. He sounded so hopeful; Minho nodded.

“Sorry.” Minho murmured as he bumped him laying down.

“It’s okay.” Felix took it as an excuse to wiggle closer.

Minho contemplated turning so his back was to him, but he thought that would be too mean.

“What do you want to talk about?” Felix whispered, eyes sparkling in the dim lights they had left on.

“Nothing really.” Minho whispered back.

“I’ve never been to one of these.” Felix continued. “Changbin told me hardly anyone sleeps, they just talk.”

“Well, I don’t.” Minho answered. “If you want to talk, you can move to be with Changbin.”

“Oh… well we should try. Maybe it will be fun.”

Minho rolled his eyes. He wasn’t in the mood.

“Fine. Tell me… about yourself.” he conceded. He had to admit he was curious about Felix’s past.

“You mean about when I was younger?” Felix asked.

“I guess.” Minho shrugged.

“I didn’t have a nice dad.” Felix replied. “That’s why my mom… or your mom really, came to save me.”

Minho rolled onto his side to face him.

“Why did she have to save you?” Minho frowned.

“Um my dad… Sometimes he would hit me if I didn’t listen.” Felix murmured. “I didn’t try to be disrespectful; I just couldn’t hear him sometimes.”

Minho’s heart clenched painfully at how simply Felix related his story.

“I wanted to run away and find my mom. I thought if I could find her then she would protect me.” Felix continued. “But then she showed up like I had never expected.”

Minho listened to every word closely, his eyes tracing over Felix’s face in the dim light.

“I thought she was my guardian angel.” Felix slipped his hand under his cheek. “She never hurt me or yelled at me. She made sure I was okay.”

Minho felt a heavy weight on his chest. His mom was a gentle person even when she was angry. She never hurt anyone, with her words or her actions. Other than leaving him of course.

“I was so sad when she told me everything. I thought she had betrayed me in a way.” Felix continued talking quietly. “She had hurt other people for me and that’s not how a guardian angel should be.”

Minho swallowed, trying not to let tears rise.

“I… I didn’t understand it until now.” Felix whispered. “I didn’t understand why I had to meet you, but now I know.”

“Why?” Minho whispered back, dying to know the answer himself.

“So I can be your guardian angel.” Felix smiled in the dark and reached out his hand.

Minho closed his eyes as Felix gently touched the side of his head, brushing his hair back lightly. He wanted to lean into the touch and savor it.

“Even if you don’t want me around, I will try my best to look out for you.” Felix said sincerely.

“I do want you around.” Minho murmured.

Felix smiled and ran his fingers over Minho’s temple lightly, like he was petting a puppy.

Minho never let himself be so vulnerable around someone. Yet here he was letting Felix take a peek at his broken heart when he was the one Minho should be most wary of.

“Will you really be my guardian angel?”

He hated the way he sounded so broken but so hopeful.

“Of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for 1200 hits! It means a lot! Thanks for sticking with this story! Have a lovely day/or evening!


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